Old Things

I’ve always loved old things. Old furniture, old homes, old jewelry, old souls… When I got married, my husband did not share my affinity for antiques and he referred to my small collection as “broken down junk.” To his defense, some of my antique pieces were hanging on by a thread and somewhat unsafe!! As in all relationships, there has been some compromise and I’ve parted ways with some of my antiques, and he as well has embraced a little of the patina and “character”! One of my favorite things in the world is to go to garage sales! There is nothing like a good treasure hunt! My husband doesn’t share this passion for rummaging and fears that more broken down junk will flood our home!! This past Summer all five of us were loaded in the car to hit the local farmers’ market for some fresh produce and on our way out we spotted some garage sale signs. “Do you want to stop?,” my husband asked. I was shocked and said, “Well, let’s just drive by.” As we passed the home I noticed 2 old school chairs on the sidewalk and I knew we had to stop. I ran to look at them, solid English oak, all banged up and beautiful and I knew my twin girls would love these to play school with. They were 2 for $50. I asked if they would take $40 and got an immediate “yes”!! My husband gave them a quick thumbs up and before I knew it we were loading them into the back of our car. I was overwhelmed and my husband looked at me and said, “are you crying?????” “Yes,” I said with a laugh! I really was choked up and I wasn’t sure if it was because of this amazing find that I knew we’d have for the rest of our lives, or if it was because my husband genuinely liked the chairs too and wanted them. It was like he fully came into my world and liked it! I felt very loved in that moment and very known. It takes a lot of time for 2 to become 1 and the journey has many ups and downs, but taking the best parts of 2 people and blessing each other with love and understanding is one of the greatest gifts of marriage. I never knew that buying 2 old school chairs at a garage sale would make me feel so loved, but then again, I never knew that someone dying on an old rugged cross would make me feel so loved either.

All Things New

Several years ago I was at a place in my life where I was broken and worn out. I was struggling in my job, my heart was broken from an ended relationship, I felt lonely and confused and my prayer was that God would make all things new in me. I needed to be refreshed, healed, redeemed and made new. God was very faithful to do all of those things in ways that I never thought possible. He gave me a new job, a new home, a new city to live in, new friends, and best of all a new heart that was whole. Yesterday I was reminded of God’s promise to us when we first decide to follow Him,
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone,
the new has come!” 2 Corinthians 5:17
The “new has come” part reminded me of that broken season. When we are followers of Jesus, His newness comes over and over again throughout our lives. Sure, we are transformed on the day we first believe in Jesus and decide to give our life to Him, but the transformation continues until we see Him face to face. In order to be made new, we must let go of the old things in our life – old habits, old ways, old excuses, maybe some old relationships. Are there any areas of your life that need to be made new? Are you willing to let go of old ways? We are loved by the One True God and He longs for us to experience life to the full and He does that by making all things new in us.
Be blessed by this song (click play).

GHF

It’s October 1st and I’m going to start a special Friday post tradition of being thankful and reflecting on all my blessings – Grateful Heart Fridays. Trust me, I spend most of my time with a critical eye, trying to perfect, improve and straighten most things in my life, but I am convicted that I need a little more gratitude in my heart and appreciation for all the great things surrounding me. One thing I try to cultivate in my children is grateful hearts, and I think that gratitude is not something they are born with, but something they learn. I want to be a Mommy that models a grateful heart to my little ones and trains their eyes to not only see what we can improve, but also what we can appreciate just as it is and say “thank you.” Will you join me? Take some time today, Friday, to cultivate a grateful heart and share what you are thankful for from this past week.

Rainbows
On the way home from school on Wednesday, what felt like out of nowhere, my daughter said, “Mommy, I know what a rainbow means.” My first thought was, “oh, this is going to be good,” because she has a great imagination and I couldn’t wait to hear what hilarious thing she was going to say!! She continued, “There were bad people on the earth and they were not obeying God and God was sad so he flooded the earth. Then there was a rainbow that was God’s promise to never do that again.” WOW! I’m so thankful for Godly teachers that are teaching my little 4 year olds the true stories of God’s promises, His love and His grace. I am thankful for the Sunday School teachers that taught me those same truths when I was little so that I grew up with God’s Word in my heart. I’m thankful that I’ve never known any different.

Embrace 3 Generations

Well, it's that special day when I must get myself in a photo. Today was a day when I just felt that no one would want to see our droopy, snotty faces, so hands it is! Grammie came to visit and caught the tail end of the girls' colds. Now she is sick and baby boy got it too. Luckily I have Mommy Immunity and am healthy enough to take care of everyone else!!!

3 generations of hands on Grammie's sick bed :(

(Sadly there are no diamonds on these hands - Grammie must be really sick!!!)

Believe In

The lovely dinner we attended last weekend was a celebration for the Reverend Dr. David Worth and his 40 years of ordained ministry. There was a large celebration at Beverly Hills Presbyterian Church, where he currently pastors, that morning. But the dinner was more intimate for close family and friends. My husband was his Associate Pastor at Malibu Presbyterian Church sometime ago and we’ve remained friends, but still felt rather honored to be included in this special group of people. Everyone in the room shared their relationship to Dave and his wife Nancy and the testimony of their ministry echoed throughout the room. When it came time for me to share, I got emotional (no surprise!!) as I recalled the significant impact this man has had in my life. Several years ago the college ministry at MPC was growing rapidly and the college pastor at the time (my current husband!) approached Dave asking that they hire someone else to help him in this large ministry. There was no money in the budget for this and the timing wasn’t great, but because Dave believed in the college pastor and in university ministries, he alone raised the salary for this new person to be hired. That person was me! Because Dave had radical faith in God’s provision and because of his commitment to his staff and college students, my life in full time ministry began and my passion for college students grew. I will never be the same because of that opportunity. Beyond that, I tearfully shared that the thing I am most thankful for is that Dave and Nancy have always encouraged my husband and believed in him (even throughout these past 10 years out of church ministry) and I have greatly benefitted from that. Encouragement from another and the words, “I believe in you,” are so powerful. Do you have anyone in your life that believes in you? Who believes in your passion and your vision? Do you have a friend that you believe in and have you told them? Your spouse? Your children? A co-worker? “Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.” I Thessalonians 5:11

You Too?

Last night my husband and I were invited to a lovely dinner (more details to come in a future post!) and on our way I confessed in the car that I’m not happy with the direction I’m headed as a Mom. Our children are increasingly disrespectful and mean and I feel that I’m 85% to blame as I feel joyless in parenting and angry most of the time at the terrible things they say and do! We had a lovely time at the dinner and I was lucky to sit next to some friends with their 2 week old baby who I stole for most of the night! That alone restored my hope in little ones! Swapping stories with old friends and their honest account of parenting children ages 2 weeks – 8 years old, was also refreshing and comforting. “You too?,” was all I kept saying to myself. I have to admit, I was certain some of these friends would have their perfectly behaved children with them and they would sit quietly and politely all night. I was wrong on many fronts! Their children were not there and there was reason! It’s easy to think we’re alone on this crazy merry-go-round ride called Mommyhood. It’s even easier to get with a group of moms and simply share all the amazing stories of how bright, kind, beautiful and talented our children are! But honesty is powerful. We haven’t seen some of these friends for several years, yet it didn’t stop them from opening up about the hardships of parenting and the ugliness we discover in ourselves as these little ones push us to our limits. It was one of the most refreshing nights of conversation I’ve had in a very long time. My kids aren’t perfect. You too? I never knew I could become so angry. You too? I long to be in authentic community where we not only share our joys, but also our trials. You too?

Embrace

It's Thursday again and I'm ready for my second embrace! Last week only my little ladies made it in the photo, so today the challenge was to get little dude in too. We had a private moment and then a miracle moment when all 3 kids smiled at once!!!

Be 4

Each day I require my daughters to have “quiet time.” I strategically coordinate their quiet time with my son’s nap so I get a moment of peace! Inevitably the girls aren’t so quiet and I move them into my room so they don’t wake the baby. I checked on them after some time to find them having a blast in my closet, looking like little runway models in tall boots with my purse slung over their shoulder! It was so precious, I had to snap some pics. But it made me think, what’s wrong with being 4? Why do you want to wear high heels and pretend to be grown up? Enjoy the wonder, simplicity and comfy shoes of a 4 year old! What about me? Am I totally living in this moment? Or am I flash forwarding too far ahead? There are simple treasures to be found in every stage of life. If we are focused too much on what treasures are down the road, we’ll miss out on what God has for us today. Just a simple reminder to be 4, or whatever age and stage you are in! Don’t miss it, it won’t come again.

Truth

Last week I took my children to Pepperdine to see their amazing memorial to those who lost their lives on September 11th. There is a flag for each person who died and the display of color blowing in the wind is both powerful and beautiful. My children thought it was amazing and fun until they asked me why the flags were there. I hesitated for a moment, not really knowing how much to tell a four year old about evil in our world (not only for their lack of ability to comprehend it, but also the potential of them staying awake at night, fearing evil people!). Then, in my lack of creativity, I just told them the truth. They began to ask so many questions about how and why someone would do this and I answered as truthfully as I could. It was very freeing to tell them the truth. If I would have made up a watered down story, it would have affirmed the terrorists power and evil, because I was afraid to tell my children what they did. But in telling my children the truth, I felt like evil was not to be feared, but explained in its proper light – which is subordinate to the power of God. Yes, there is evil in this world. But, the truth is Jesus Christ has over come this world. Terrorists will never have the final word. Jesus holds the final word as the Way, Truth, Life, and ultimate judge.

"If you hold to my teaching, you are really my disciples. Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free." John 8:32

BHR

When I was a freshman at Pepperdine, we had dorm meetings to talk about “B.H.R.” – Basic Human Respect. As young women living away from home for the first time, there were some things we needed to learn about living in community and respecting those around us. Those BHR talks were only the beginning of learning what it means to respect people and live in a way that values others greater than my self. I thought of this the other day as I went to pull into a parking space just as a man was leaving his cart in my spot. Perhaps startled by the sound of my engine, he turned around and looked at me. To my surprise, he didn’t give the “oops, I’m sorry” look, but instead turned back around to leave his cart in front of my car and got into his car! In an instant I began sweating, heart racing, profanity flooding my mind – but with my children in the car I simply yelled, “Come on Buddy, BHR!” I’m not sure if anything makes me more crazy than when people don’t return their carts. It is one of the most selfish and lazy acts. And also one of the most tiny and simple acts! Yes, I am someone who always returns my cart; however, I know there are other things I selfishly do that disrespect those around me. As a follower of Jesus I am called to consider others as more important than myself. If we filter all that we do through that truth, I’m sure there would be a lot more BHR in our world!

I can't believe I'm going to do this, but I'm totally inspired and feel like I need to challenge myself in this way. Ever since I was pregnant with the twins and got a new camera to capture moments of their life, I've been obsessed with taking photos! Now, 4 1/2 years later, I complain that there are no photos of me with my children because I'm always taking the pictures! A friend of mine is embracing this challenge of "Embracing the Camera" and after reading the blog from Emily, I'm in! I must say that this challenge is really hard for me because I haven't taken a picture that I feel good about since my wedding photos! Probably because photos of me now only show how tired I really am, how much I've aged, and a few lines that reveal the truth of a scowl that has owned my brow far too often for the past 3 years!

But I'm going to do it - I will embrace the camera every Thursday, taking a photo that has me in it, and blog about it!Mommy Girl and her Little Ladies

Self Timer on the Guest Room Bed!

Trust

My little one was sick this week and I took her to the doctor Monday just to make sure she wasn’t getting something worse. She was terrified when I made the appointment, “I don’t want to get a shot,” she said. I promised that there would be no shots, but this didn’t comfort her. I even told her that if they wanted to give her a shot I would tell them no and we’d run out of there! She still wasn’t confident. On the drive to the doctor’s office I kept reassuring her, “I’m your Mommy, you can trust me, there will be no shots.” Experience would tell her that when you go to see the doctor, you get shots (her past 2 visits warranted this). But shouldn’t her experience with me also tell her to trust what Mommy says? How often does God say, “trust me”? It doesn’t make sense financially to move. It isn’t time to quit your job and look for a new one in this economy. Have another baby – are you crazy? Volunteer, I don’t have time for that. Yet God says, “trust me on this one, I will provide.” Have we stepped out in faith enough and trusted the voice of God, so that experience would tell us to trust Him?

Anniversary

6 years ago today I became Mrs. Roger Newquist. I remember every detail like it was yesterday. I also remember the first time I saw him. I walked into Malibu Presbyterian Church on a Sunday morning in February, 1995. There was a man in a navy blue suit standing in the pulpit and I said to myself, “I’m going to marry that man one day,” and I did - 9 years later! He captured my heart that very moment. I didn’t even know his name, but something stirred within me and I just knew. Our romantic journey was a long one with many bumps along the way, but it is our story, and I love it. He is the only man I’ve ever loved. He is the most attractive man I’ve ever known. He is a man of integrity and a man of his word. He calls me higher everyday. He always makes me feel special and appreciated. He makes me laugh. And after 15 years, when I see him, something still stirs within me and I know – this is the man I was meant to love for the rest of my life. Thank you for pursuing me and capturing my heart. I love you Babe. Happy Anniversary!

Wisdom

This afternoon I was honored to be part of an intimate luncheon to celebrate the 90th Birthday of my sweet neighbor Dora. My Grandmother would have been 90 this November, so Dora is dear to my heart – a California Grandmother to me! As we sat and listened to fun stories, I asked Dora to pass along some wisdom to us all. Before she could answer, her daughter offered a story that would illustrate wisdom she had gleaned from her mother. Niquie shared that when she was young, her mother would ask her the time in the afternoon. Niquie would reply that it was after 5pm and quickly Dora would go into the bathroom to brush her hair and reapply lipstick. When asked what she was doing, Dora answered, “Your father is on his way home from work.” She wanted to look her best when her man walked through the door! I just loved this story and loved seeing the sparkle in Dora’s eyes as she listened, fondly remembering those days awaiting the arrival of her love. “That’s what you did in those days,” she said. Yes, a little old fashioned, but a powerful statement of priorities, passion, and commitment. On this eve of my 6th Wedding Anniversary, I think I’m going to take a moment to go brush my hair and reapply my lipstick. There is a man coming home that I want to know how much he means to me and how much I’ve been looking forward to his arrival!

Healer

“Mommy, can God heal my boo boo?” This is a question I’ve heard a lot lately. And then, when the band aid comes off, “Look Mommy, God healed my boo boo!” They ask about God’s healing all the time. “If I go to school and get sick, can God heal me?” I know my girls have heard a lot about God’s healing in Sunday School, through the stories of Jesus healing the blind man, the man that couldn’t walk and so on. I love that they’ve heard about God’s healing, and now they want to know if He can heal them too. How wonderful that little minds take words out of the Bible, and immediately translate them into their own personal story. They want to receive the same gifts from God, the same miracles, the same healing. Am I that eager to receive what God has to offer? Do I believe that his powerful miracles are for me too? Do I ask for God to heal me in every little hurt that comes my way, as well as the big ones? He is Jehova Rapha, the God who heals.

Mistake

Isn’t it funny how something that looks like a mistake sometimes turns out to be a wonderful blessing? Today we experienced a blessed mistake! We started out on a little family adventure; my husband wanted to take us to the Huntington Gardens. I’ve been there and love it. As he passed the exit we were supposed to take, he insisted that he knew where it was and kept driving. When we arrived at our destination, he discovered that he’d made a mistake! He took us to the place he had intended to, but he was calling it the wrong name all along, and it wasn’t the Huntington Gardens! At first I was rather disappointed, but we stayed and it turned out to be an amazing place, filled with gardens of the world, lakes, fountains, peacocks… you name it! It was a wonderful mistake! Sometimes things in life don’t go as planned. We make mistakes. Others make mistakes that effect us. But our God is a God of redemption and He loves to turn a mistake around and make it a blessing. Sometimes the blessing doesn’t come right away, and sometimes it comes with some consequences, but our mistakes are God’s opportunity to teach us and bless us.
*One of the unexpected blessings from today’s mistake was a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera!

Interact

After a visit to the Butterfly Exhibit at the Natural History Museum, I’m reminded of God’s interaction with us. We were not separated from the butterflies by glass; they were swirling all around us! And as if that wasn’t enough, they even chose to land on us and visit for a moment! It’s easy to view God as a distant figure that sits in heaven and observes us from behind glass. We cry out to Him in a moment of desperation, but He doesn’t respond. Perhaps He’s too far away to hear us! But this isn’t our God at all. He is so present with us and interacts at every moment. From the refreshment of waking up in the morning after uninterrupted sleep, to the majesty of a glamorous sunset – He is present. He loves to interact with us in everyday life, and if we start paying attention, it’s amazing just how much the Creator of the universe longs to land in our lives and visit for a moment. He longs to interact with you.

Fresh Start

Who says January 1st is the only day for a fresh start? Today is the first day of school for my little loves and everything is new for them, so why not for me too? New teachers, new school clothes, new schedule… it’s time for a fresh start. I have a new sense of vision and passion, more energy, and an overall feeling of optimism and expectation. I love the Fall and I’m thankful for a fresh start! I am reminded that God’s mercies are new every morning. We don’t just get one chance to be forgiven, then if we mess up after that we’re abandoned. But, God gives us fresh starts everyday, and He is faithful to renew our strength, vision and passion to accomplish His purposes in this world. Tonight I’m sitting down to set some goals for this school year. I want to be intentional with my time and relationships. What areas of your life need to be refreshed? Today is a new day. God’s mercies are new. Let Him put a new song in your mouth and take advantage this fresh start.

P.S. One goal I’ve already set is to blog every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. Since my life is “not my own,” I’m sure there will be days with a sick child, or sick Moma that means blogging is not on the radar! This was my original goal in blogging and throughout the Summer, I’ve drifted in and out. But with this fresh start, I’m back at it!

Idols

Anything that we place above God is an idol in our life. Anything. Many years back I was faced with a large decision in my life; to move to a new city and take on a new job, or move into a new condo I had just bought and carry on in my familiar city with friends and a great job. One verse leapt off the page to me as I sought wisdom from God, “Those who cling to worthless idols forfeit the grace that could be theirs.” – Jonah 2:8 The big roadblock for me was this condo that I dreamed about and wanted to move into so badly that I could taste it! But holding onto that condo was potentially keeping me from something amazing if I’d be willing to let go. I did and amazing blessing flooded my life in a new city with a new job. Yesterday in church our pastor spoke about idols in our life. What today is a priority above God for me? What dominates my time, if not Him? One thing quickly came to mind – my computer. At any free moment I run to quickly check e-mails or check social networking sites to see what’s going on, is anyone thinking of me? Did anyone comment on my status? Are there any new photos? It might sound silly and innocent, but it's a bit of an obsession. If I spent all that time praying or reading verses, I think my day would look radically different. My need to feel important, included, and relevant is something I’ve placed before God, in fact, instead of God! For truly He is the only one who can give importance to my life, make me feel apart of something larger than myself, and use me to impact the world for His glory. As of today I am on an indefinite social networking hiatus. I hope to return in the right time with a proper sense of priorities! What idols do you have? Is there anything in your life that you value more than God? Marriage? Kids? Job? Your dog? Your home? Fashion? Time on your computer? Anything that we place above God is an idol in our life.

Good Helper

At the beach house I bought the girls their first kite. I’ve been waiting for this moment and doing it with my brother seemed perfect because he’s always loved to fly kites! The girls were anxious to launch the kite and were thrilled as it lifted off and sailed high. When it first crashed, my daughter ran to pick it up and throw it into the air. My brother, however, discovered that if he just tugged the string, the kite would lift off on its own and fly again. My daughter wasn’t too happy about that (but my brother and I thought it was great that we didn’t need to move and could stay comfy on the sand!). As I saw her disappointment, I realized that she really wanted to help. It wasn’t about doing what was easiest; it was about her having a role in flying the kite. We let her run back and forth every time it crashed and gave her the joy of launching the kite and feeling important as she helped it fly. How many times do I simply do what is quickest and easiest? Eliminating what at the time seems like a nuisance of little people wanting to interfere? All the while there are little hands eager to help and longing to be a part of what I’m doing. Life isn’t all about getting things done in the most perfect or efficient manner. It’s about sharing life, passing on wisdom, teaching simple tasks and learning new things together. Whether it’s making sandwiches, setting the table, or flying kites, I’m better off to take the extra time to include my children and let them help because if I continue to cut them out of the process, one day, when I really need their help, they won’t be equipped or willing.

Top Bunk

We just returned from a lovely vacation at a beach house in Northern California. In dreamlike beach house fashion, the furniture was overstuffed and comfy, there was a large picture window with a spectacular unobstructed view, and downstairs there were bunk beds! That might sound silly, but it was a dream for my little girls! For fear that one might fall out in the middle of the night, they both shared the bottom bunk which was a double bed. Somehow I ended up on the top bunk for the majority of the week and the result was amazing. My daughters slept so soundly and didn’t get up at all through the night. There was such a comfort in knowing that mom was just above them and they were safe. I recall as a child, the times I felt most safe were when we were on vacation and all four of us were together in a hotel room. With mom and dad right next to me, I knew I was safe and I could sleep so peacefully. I love that my God promises to be with me always, to uphold me with His right hand, and to never leave me nor forsake me. There is such a comfort and peace in knowing that I don’t journey through life alone and I can rest assured that someone is on the top bunk, watching over me and keeping me safe.

Discipline

This word takes my mind in a couple of directions – discipline, as in the strength to do something I need to do rather than do what I want to do! Or, discipline, the act of correcting and instructing, usually following inappropriate behavior. These days the later is on my mind most of the time. My daughters need discipline more and more and I find their different responses to discipline rather interesting. One fights me and gets very angry when she is going to be disciplined. She is not broken nor sorry for her actions at all – she is stubborn! The other is still quite upset, but she almost willingly yields to the discipline and will always run to hug me through her tears. Unfortunately, I am much more like the first daughter! It takes me longer to yield to the hand of discipline and truly grasp that it is for my good, and that healthy discipline is done out of love. As a parent, I find the task to disciplining my children out of sheer love for them and a desire to protect them from evil behavior to be rather difficult. I confess that I’m usually disgusted by what they’ve done and rather angry. How does God do it? I’m amazed that He doesn’t pour out His wrath on me more and “let me have it!” He is gentle and kind. His heart breaks when He sees me disobey. He steps in with a controlled strength and loves me desperately as He rescues me from myself. God disciplines the ones that He loves. If we love our children, we must discipline them.

Friends

Nothing thrills me more than to see one of my children genuinely having fun with their friends – playing their own games, running with their imaginations, sharing, hugging… all without a prompting from mom! It’s so magical to see their pure excitement, love, and joy when seeing one of their friends. It’s almost like a sigh of relief, or expectations met, or even a dream come true – that sight of your friend walking through the door that makes you feel like “now the fun can begin!” My heart is full seeing my children want to share life with others. Perhaps we spend too much time with friends because they ask me almost every morning, “who’s coming over today Mommy?”! I grew up surrounded by wonderful family friends that we vacationed with and spent holidays with. All of my relatives live in other states, so these families quickly became what we call our, “California Family.” And truly, they are my family. I want my children to have the same depth of relationship in their lives, relationship that goes beyond play dates, but really is sharing life together. Good times and bad. Nothing is better than great friends to share life with and that truly excited feeling when they walk through your door!

Abundance

I was recently at my neighbor’s house for dinner when I saw their amazing, abundant peach tree. I was envious from the start and asked if they were loving the peaches? She kinda shrugged her shoulders as if to say, “not really.” A few hours later I couldn’t get the plethora of fruit off my mind and starting to grow a bit too envious, so I asked her if she’d be interested in making peach jam? Much to my joy she thought it sounded like fun and we made a date! This is in no reflection of my sweet neighbors whom I love dearly, but I got to thinking of the abundance we have in our lives. It may be in the form of money, time, talents, gifts… what are we doing with the abundance we’ve been given? Are we overwhelmed by the responsibility? Are we sitting idly, ignoring the possibilities? Are we wasting life waiting for just the right moment to share? Or are we giving what we’ve been given to enhance the life of another? God has blessed each one of His children with an abundance for us to use to bless others. If you don’t know what do to with the abundance God has given to you, ask a friend to make some suggestions. They just might have a great idea of what to do with the abundance you have – something you’ve never though of like making "jam"! I am blessed to have several jars of divine peach jam in my home because of the abundance that my neighbors shared.

Share

As parents we are always reminding our children to share their toys with friends or siblings. I am always surprised when I catch my children sharing when they haven’t been reminded to! It’s like a breath of fresh air to see a selfless act from a child. The idea of keeping things to our self must be something we are born with. Surely we were never taught to think of our self first, hold on to what is ours and not share. Yet that is what comes natural to us. Children are not the only ones who don’t share naturally – grown ups don’t either! I mostly think of the lack of sharing the truth as adults. We are reluctant to be honest and say how we really feel. We shy away from asking a friend for help, not wanting to share our need. We hesitate to be candid and share that we are lonely, sad, or hurting. And just like the little ones, I’m always surprised when talking to a friend who openly shares a piece of their real life with me. It is such a breath of fresh air to encounter honest sharing of oneself with another. We can gain so much when we step out and share the truth of who we are or what we are experiencing. And it is always a blessing when someone trusts you enough to share who they are with you. Share – it will do you good!

Worship

My daughters just finished a week at Vacation Bible School. It is a week long camp at church where the children learn Bible verses and themes, make crafts, sing songs and of course play! It was always a highlight of my summer as a child and I could hardly wait for my children to be old enough to go. On the last day I went with camera in hand to film their song and Bible lesson time. As I walked into the large room packed with little people following the leaders up front in song and movement, I immediately welled up with emotion. I didn’t see my girls at first, but pulled out the video camera anyway and began to film. Listening to the words to the songs and watching the children do the corresponding hand motions stirred my spirit and I began to cry. I felt very silly and couldn’t really stop. Song after song, I wiped my eyes and tried to hide behind my camera! All I could think of was, “we were created to worship God.” It was the most natural, simple, perfect scene – children singing praises to God and lifting their hands to Him as if to say, “pick me up Daddy.” We were all created to worship our Creator, God. At the core of our being, our purpose is worship. Nothing feels more fulfilling, natural, or complete than worshipping God with our lives. Many spend their lives searching for meaning, purpose and identity. But, the answer is simple: We were created to worship God. We are worshippers.

My Birthday

I just celebrated my birthday last weekend and at lunch with my dear girlfriends I was asked: what the best part of my 36th year of life was and what I was most looking forward to in this coming year. I quickly said the birth of my baby boy was my highlight last year and was just as quickly reminded that he was born when I was 35!!! So it looks like having 3 kids has taken it’s toll on my memory and sense of time! But those questions prompted me to take some time to reflect on the past year and start to set some goals for this year to come.

Things I am thankful for from this past year of life are:
Watching my daughters fall in love with their baby brother
Watching my husband fall in love with his son
Celebrating 5 years of marriage
Taking a parenting class that has changed my life
Watching my daughters fall in love with learning through preschool
Going on a weekend marriage retreat with my husband
Celebrating the holidays with lots of family and friends
Getting to speak at a college retreat in Seattle
Celebrating my brother’s 40th year of life
Watching my son take his first steps
Going with my daughters to their first tea
Taking a trip to Cabo with my husband
Getting to speak to the young adults of Bel Air Pres
Watching my daughters fall in love with the ocean at the beach
Spending a life changing weekend with my Grandmother a month before she died
Being surrounded by many who love me and call me higher
I am a blessed woman and could go on and on about all that I’m thankful for as I reflect. As far as goals for the next year, well, those will probably become more apparent in future posts!

Life Takes Time

I picked the first tomatoes from my garden the other day and I was over the moon with the results! I think they are the most perfect tomatoes I’ve ever seen. Their color is uniform and brilliant red, their skin is tight and shiny with no blemish, they are beautifully topped with perfect green stems and they taste even better than they look! I have to admit, I didn’t think they would turn out so well. My garden has been a challenge this Summer for many unknown reasons. I have tons of tomatoes on the vines, but I was skeptical if they would ripen and be edible. I guess I really didn’t have much vision for my tomatoes. I got excited at the first sign of growth, but quickly lost heart as days passed and nothing much more happened. Everything in life takes time. It’s easy to start out the gate with excitement and passion, then quickly lose momentum when months and years go by with little results. All the while, God has a plan and He will not reveal the finished product until all the lessons have been learned along the way. If we “pick our fruit” too soon, we will miss out on all of the powerful flavors. I guess I need to be more patient and trust that in time, all things will come to fruition according to God’s plan.

One On One

My daughters just returned from a week at Camp Grammie. They were finally old enough to spend about 5 days away with their grandparents without missing us too much! Having just lost my Grandmother, I was so excited for my daughters to get this special one on one time with their Grammie and start building memories of a lifetime with her. They came home in their camp shirts and hats, so excited to share their stories and crafts with us! I got the joy of having only one child for the week. My first babies were twins, so I never got to experience life with just one baby! At first I really didn’t know what to do with my one year old son. I make it a habit to never take my children to the grocery store or mall for obvious reasons! But I had a few errands to run. I talked to a girlfriend of mine who has one baby the same age and she said, “at this age, he doesn’t care what you are doing, he just wants your undivided attention.” I pushed my guilt aside of indulging in my own needs and took him on all my errands. It was true – he didn’t care where we were, just as long as we were together. It’s amazing what one on one time can do for us. My girls came home feeling so loved and special because they had one on one time with Grammie and Papa. I felt so special and blessed that I got one on one time with my son. And I know that the little dude missed his sissys, but loved the undivided attention! The same gifts await us when we get alone with God. It is wonderful to go to church or be involved in small group Bible studies, but, we can grow so much when we get alone with God for one on one time. Our undivided attention focused only on Him – His delight of simply being alone with one of His children.

Unexpected Blessings

I recently stopped to buy some strawberries from my favorite “Strawberry Lady” who picks in the morning, then sells in the afternoon! I love her. When I got out of my car, I looked down to find a Home Depot gift card laying in the street, obviously bruised from cars running over it. I picked it up, excited at the possibility of what was on that card. Today, a few weeks later, I went into Home Depot and asked how much money was left on the card, they said $50! I felt guilty knowing that it really wasn’t my money. I didn’t steal it. I couldn’t possibly find who it originally belonged to because there were no houses or people around when I found it (except the Strawberry Lady, and I know it was not hers!). It was truly a case of finders keepers! But yet I felt like a thief using it to buy flowers. As a child I would find money all the time. There was a season when I wouldn’t go more than a week without finding at least $5. My friend and I would ride our bikes to the local junior college in the Summer and find tons of money under the vending machines and use it to buy snacks! At Home Depot, one side of me felt like that thrilled little girl again who struck it rich! Another part of me felt like I needed to keep looking over my shoulder, afraid that I was going to get caught. Sometimes life gives us unexpected blessings. Better to just receive them and completely enjoy rather than feeling guilty.

Independence

As we just celebrated The 4th of July, or Independence Day, I’ve been thinking about the word “independence.” My daughters are 4 years old and I see their independence growing every day. This week they are up at Grammie Camp – a true sign that they are growing up as we’ve waited until we thought they could make it through a week without missing Mommy too much! Independence is something we strive for in our lives and something we work towards developing in our children as parents. We try to get them to feed themselves, teach them to go potty on their own, and show them how to dress themselves – it is all an effort to give them independence and thrust them away from their dependence on us. This idea of creating a person who is self sufficient seems so natural and positive. We praise their every accomplishment and cheer them onto the next. Isn’t it odd then that as an adult I strive to be less independent and more dependent on God? To trust His guidance rather than trying to master my own sense of direction. To rely on His strength rather than doing reps to build up my own muscle. To put my weight down on His Word rather than straining to find my own wisdom. I guess the beauty of Independence Day is that many lost their lives so that we could find ours in Christ. They gave us the “independence” or freedom from an authority that dictated religion, so that we could freely place our dependence upon the god of our choice. As I continue to help my children grow and develop into little people who no longer need Mommy to do everything for them, I hope to also point them towards Jesus who can do everything for them. Independent from me, dependent on God.

Holding Hands

For Father’s Day I always love to do a little photo shoot at the beach with the children and their Daddy. Now that we have three children, getting a good photo of all of them seems impossible! I often have an idea in my head of an image I want to capture and somehow forcing that moment to happen only makes for a terrible picture! These pictures are precious, even though I don’t have the full attention of all the children!
As I’ve looked at the series of photos, I’ve noticed the different postures of the children. They remind me of myself while walking through life holding God’s hand. Sometimes I’m holding on for dear life, terrified of the path ahead of me. Sometimes I’m looking back at where I’ve been, perhaps stuck in the past. And still other times I’m able to look out at the beauty around me, completely content and safe in His presence. I guess what is most beautiful to me is that although each child is doing their own thing, not cooperating for mommy’s dream photo!!!, they are all holding hands with their father. Perhaps that is the most important thing – that we remain holding God’s hand throughout life - knowing that the mere strength of His hand will bring our focus back when we’re distracted; the very warmth of His hand will comfort us when we’re afraid of the path we’re on; the massive size of His hand that seems to envelope ours gives us the security to relax and enjoy life. No matter your season of life, there is nothing better than holding God's hand as you journey on.

Responsibility

I was once told, “Responsibility is the great developer of people.” I had just finished my junior year in college and was working at a camp in Northern Wisconsin. This camp was different from any camp I’ve ever worked at because their focus was not on the campers, it was on the staff. The purpose of this camp was to develop college students into leaders through camping ministry. I remember being shocked at the responsibilities I was given that summer. Not only did I think I could not handle the tasks being asked of me, (like leading wilderness trips with 11 year old kids for 3 days – no cell phones, no trails, using a map and compass, no camping stoves…) but I wondered how safe parents felt with me taking care of their children in the wilderness! A month before the campers arrived, we were in training. We went out on our first backpack trip and I remember seeing our packs resting up against a tree as the truck let us off in the middle of the woods. I bent down to put on my pack and it seemed to weigh more than I did. I could barely stand up. After trying to hike for about 15 minutes, I told our guide, “I can’t do this.” I remember his response vividly, “You can do it, and you will.” A little shocked and offended, I stood still as he removed a few items from my pack and placed them in his own. It was a very tough trip, but he was right - I could do it and I did!
It is so easy to underestimate ourselves, to give up when we still have more to give, or to admit defeat before we’ve even started. But often times when we are challenged with great responsibility, we rise to meet the challenge in ways we didn’t think possible. The weight of responsibility placed on my shoulders that summer was great. At the beginning I wasn’t sure my body could bear the load. But by the end of the summer I was taking things out of my campers packs and placing them in my own. Much was asked of me that summer, and so I grew.

Happy Father's Day

Father. What a profound title to bear. It holds such weight and power, force and presence. Whereas my father carries all that, I prefer to call him Papa Bear or Daddy because in the midst of his strong presence, he is a great cuddler, never shys away from telling me he loves me or how proud he is of me, and he is always available to me. I know most kids think their dad is the best, but mine truly is! There is little to nothing that my Dad does not know, cannot fix, or won’t do to help his family and friends. One of my Dad’s famous phrases is, “you do it once and you do it right.” That pretty much sums up my Father! He does everything in his life with excellence.
I will never be able to fully express my gratitude for all my Dad has given to me. Because of my Dad, I love to travel, love good food, and try to do everything to the absolute best of my ability. My Father is an amazing man who has a fine resume that includes the entrepreneur of a successful company, fierce water skier, champion Swiss Platzgen player, puzzle master, Christmas tree light hanger extraordinaire, motorcyclist, race car enthusiast, pianist, guitar player, and the list goes on! But his most successful accomplishment is a marriage of 40+ years, 2 children who love and respect him, and 3 grandchildren that adore their Papa.

Happy Father’s Day Daddy.

I love you, -Your Sunshine

PHOTOS: Top - When my Dad first saw me in my wedding dress on my wedding day. I love that he looks speechless. I remember that moment like it was yesterday. It think I was only more nervous for my groom to see me!

Middle - my Daddy putting on my pearl necklace that he bought me in Japan when I was a child.

Bottom - my Dad surprised me for the Father Daughter Dance and played his guitar while dancing with me like he did when I was a little girl.

Expectations

I’ve heard some say that when we have children, we should lower our expectations. That didn’t sit well with me as I think we can expect much of them, challenge them, respect their ability to learn and grow beyond what we think. But I’ve begun to realize that I do need to lower my expectations a bit in order to truly honor my children in their current stage of life – childhood! They don’t understand the concept of time. They don’t know what “next week,” “next month,” “in five minutes,” or “hurry” means. They can’t totally grasp how their Daddy is also my husband and their Papa is my Daddy! They can’t comprehend why they can’t use my sharp knives, carry their brother around, or stir boiling water on the stove. When it comes to lowering expectations, I need to shift my expectations of my children in the sense that I need to expect them to do things as children do and not as adults. Because they don’t understand time, yelling at them to hurry up when we’re late for school means nothing. They just don’t get it and I can’t expect them to yet! I’m learning that lowering expectations isn’t a lazy or negative thing. It simply means viewing situations and circumstances through the eyes of a 4 or 1 year old who is experiencing the world for the very first time. They have no prior experience.
My daughter just came in and interrupted me:
“When I’m 46 can I have my birthday? And remember, I want a flamingo birthday!”
Enough said! They’re children and all too soon they’ll grasp time, relationships and danger. For now I’m going to expect them to be children and start planning that flamingo birthday party!!

Simple

I can’t put my finger on it, but what make life more simple in a small town? People are people wherever you go with the same fears, same problems, same insecurities… So why are things slower, more simple and somewhat peaceful in a small town? A few days in a small town in the Midwest allowed me to take a deep breath and be quiet. People smiled, drove slowly, waved, and opened conversations with total strangers (me!). My cousin was so calm with her 4 children ages 4 and under (the youngest being 3 month old twins!), and I wondered why am I not more calm with my little ones? I take full responsibility for the chaos in my life. Some like to blame Los Angeles traffic, the media, or the abundance of choices we daily face. But, I think I’m mostly responsible for taking the simple and making it complicated. It’s a matter of focusing on what truly matters, being true to oneself, and having a firm foundation that is not shaken by society. That can happen in a big city or a small town.

Something Greater Than Myself

I recently returned from Michigan where I attended my Grandmother’s funeral. It was a blessed trip - nice to see family that I don’t see often, and a wonderful and necessary time of saying goodbye to my Grandmother. Prior to traveling, I was telling my husband that my Grandma was the only grandparent of ours that ever got to meet our children. As I cried I had this overwhelming feeling of being small and unanchored. Without my Grandma, we only have our parents to go back to. I felt like I was missing something greater than myself,

greater than just the generation before me.
The day after my Grandma’s service I was driving to her home through the corn, beans, and beet fields. Even though it was pouring rain, I was enjoying all the old barns that I passed by. Tears began to run down my face like the rain streaming down my windshield. I felt once again this sense of missing something greater than myself. I ached with the longing for older wisdom and experience, someone who had seen more of life than me and could offer words of hope and encouragement. Just then “Creed” by Rich Mullens came on the radio.
"I believe in God the Father almighty
Maker of Heaven and Maker of Earth
And in Jesus Christ
His only begotten Son, our Lord
He was conceived by the Holy Spirit
Born of the virgin Mary
Suffered under Pontius Pilate
He was crucified and dead and buried
CHORUS:
And I believe what I believe
Is what makes me what I am
I did not make it, no it is making me
It is the very truth of God and not
The invention of any man
I believe that He who suffered
Was crucified, buried, and dead
He descended into hell and
On the third day, rose again
He ascended into Heaven where
He sits at God's mighty right hand
I believe that He's returning to
Judge the quick and the dead
Of the sons of men
CHORUS
I believe it, I believe it
I believe it
I believe it, I believe it
I believe in God the Father almighty
Maker of Heaven and Maker of Earth
And in Jesus Christ His only begotten Son,
Our Lord
I believe in the Holy Spirit
One Holy Church, the communion of Saints
The forgiveness of sin
I believe in the resurrection
I believe in a life that never ends"
Yes, there is something greater than myself and it is not just the generations who’ve gone before me. The God I believe in is much greater than me and he is my anchor. He is who makes me who I am. He is my source of wisdom and experience. He is my promised hope for the future and the future generations.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Tpq4MoRVV4

Leave A Legacy

I talked to my mom this morning and she told me that my Grandma had passed away a few hours ago. She is in heaven with Jesus, what she had longed for her whole life.
When I went back to visit my Grandma a month ago, my mom and I went to her house. In the basement there is a large counter on wheels that my Grandfather built. My mom said that they would use this to entertain. My Grandma would have the church over for different occasions and she’d wheel the large counter out to serve food on and entertain with. My Grandma was always entertaining and cooking for people. As we walked through the house, neat as a pin, I kept thinking of my mom. Her home is in perfect order, she loves to entertain and does it rather well, and not a day goes by when the house is not filled with aromas of fabulous home cooked food! She is so much like her mom. Then I laugh! Whereas my home is not neat as a pin, I too love to entertain and cook for anyone that will let me! I am so much like me mom! My Grandmother has left a legacy. Not only has she passed down homemaking and entertaining, but most importantly, she has passed down a faith in Jesus Christ that is far more important than an orderly home and fine cooked meals. I’ve always said that my faith is largely due to my mother. I know that her faith as well is due to her mother who shared Christ with her family, served the church faithfully and lived everyday in the hopes of meeting Jesus face to face. As I got into the car this morning to take my daughters to school, I was crying. My little girls asked me what was wrong? “Great Grandma just died,” I said. Then one said, “We need to pray for Great Grandma”… and the next generation of believing women has begun.