Make Out Monday - Intentional Date

Earlier this year I did a series on my blog called Intentional Family.  Within that series there was a sub series called Intentional Marriage.  It's so easy to get busy taking care of children and "life" and our marriages get put on the back burner.  Then, after a few years pass, we can discover that our spouse is more like a roommate or friend than lover and partner.  It's important to keep our marriage a priority, even when we're in survival mode with children and tired and overwhelmed and...  there is always an excuse!  But our spouse is our first ministry, above the children and housework.  We must be intentional with our marriages or we won't thrive.  I know this because that's where we're at right now.  We've been surviving for a long time, but we both want something more.  We want to thrive.  We've long become roommates and friends, but we want more out of our marriage than that.

 

Because of that, we decided to take an intentional trip together.  We went up to Yosemite for 3 days to take long hikes together.  To be outside in God's magnificent creation and be overwhelmed by Him - not by our lives and the mess it's become.  To see mountains, rocks and trees that were so massive, they dwarfed our mistakes and shortcomings.  We were reminded that God is so much greater.  God has great things for our marriage and He has the power to change us!

 

We hiked through the Giant Sequoias and enjoyed the crisp air and the giant trees that blew our minds!  We read about one tree and decided to extend our hike to see this tree in person.

 

These massive trees grow to such great heights because they join forces.  They grow close together and share resources.  Some actually fuse their root together underground so they have a stronger foundation.  One such pair in this grove is called The Faithful Couple.  They've actually grown together and the 2 became 1 tree.  I knew I had to see this couple in person!

We had to hike for at least another hour before we got there.  The signs along the way seemed to be misleading, ".6 miles to the Faithful Couple."  20 minutes later, ".8 miles to the Faithful Couple."  WHAT?  It's getting father away?  It didn't make sense.  When we saw one couple coming down on the trail we asked them if the Faithful Couple was up ahead.  They said, "yes, keep going."  Time passed and we saw another couple, "Is the Faithful Couple up this way?" we asked.  "Yes, it's just around the corner," they answered.  But it wasn't "around the corner."

Everyone had a different idea of how far the hike was to get to the Faithful Couple!

For those hiking up to the Faithful Couple, it seemed to take forever and it seemed as though the path was getting longer and longer!  But for those who had arrived and were traveling onto something else, it felt like it was "just around the corner."



Finally, we arrived!

I couldn't capture in a photo how massive and amazing this tree, or pair of trees really is.

The couple is very old and has weather several fires and storms together.  There are scars all over the couple that give testimony to a rough journey they've survived.

Yet they are together.  Growing stronger and taller every year.  They are stronger together than they are on their own.

2 are better than 1.

 

 

At the end of my life, I want to be known as a faithful couple.  We're weathering fires and storms right now, but we have the choice to fuse together and share our resources or grow apart.  We've decided to buckle up and hold on tight - we're growing together no matter what.

The enemy seeks to destroy marriages.  He is crafty and sly.  He creeps into areas of our lives that are tiny cracks and he patiently waits for those cracks to split open in tough times and he's right there, ready to offer a quick fix or solution that in the end offers more pain.  He knows our weaknesses.  But if we fuse together as husband and wife, build one another up in the truth of Jesus and fuse together, we are stronger than the lies of the enemy. 

God is so much greater and God loves marriage!  He wants us to succeed!

 

 

The journey of marriage can seem long sometimes.  It can feel like others are leaping though without problem or frustration.  Sometimes it appears that there is no hope.

But that is the time to get closer, fuse together, share some great resources and watch God heal, restore, rebuild and renew your marriage.

 

The theme for November's Make Out Monday is

Intentional Date

 

If you can get away for a few days, DO IT!  If that is not realistic, then have dinner at home or go out prepared with some intentional questions to ask your spouse.

1.  What is a healthy foundation for marriage?

2.  What does God say about marriage?

3. What are our values for marriage?

4.  What are our goals for our marriage?

 

Spend some time praying together and make some new commitments

to thrive together and not just survive!

 

Here is a great sermon series on marriage that was recommended to me

http://sermons.redeemer.com/store/index.cfm?fuseaction=category.display&category_ID=6&Name=marriage&monthrecorded=&yearrecorded=&scripture=&speaker=all&messagetype=&SKUsearch=&sort=DateNew&=go&CFID=4653124&CFToken=51774270 

 scroll to the bottom for the series on Marriage.

Perhaps your date can be listening to a message and discussing it.

Also, Family Life does great marriage retreats all over the country throughout the year.  We went to one a few years ago and loved it!

http://www.familylife.com/events/featured-events/weekend-to-remember

Find a retreat close to you and make it a priority to work on your marriage!

A Redeeming Love - Chapter 14

OK, I’m ready to land the plane, so this week I’m wrapping up The Redeeming Love series with the final chapters today, Wednesday, and Friday. 

After all, it’s no longer Summer, so this series must end!

A summer romance series, chronicling my love story

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapters 8&9,
Chapter 10, Chapter 11, Chapter 12, Chapter 13

 On my worst days after Roger broke up with me for the final time, I remember that so many people told me that one day when I married some amazing man, the pain of this break up wouldn’t even matter any more.  And I clearly remember thinking, “No matter how amazing of a man I marry one day, I will never forget this pain.  Nothing could redeem this feeling of rejection.”

 But I was healed.  The painful memories became mere words in my journals and no long wounds on my heart.  I had moved on and even though this man named Roger Newquist had somehow made his way back into my new world, I was completely different and I saw things more clearly.

 He returned to Seattle to wish me a happy 30^th birthday and by this time my father had gotten word that Roger was paying me a visit.  My father was very clear and adamant – I will not watch this man hurt you again.  I tried to ensure him that I was not giving my heart away, simply a few hours for dinner.  But my protective papa bear wasn’t buying it.  2 weeks later I left for an adventure to Spain and Italy with my father where I would have his undivided attention to convince him that I was not being foolish.

 My father and I spent a glorious vacation touring the Paradors of Spain and then on to visit some friends in the Italian Alps.  It was a trip I will never forget and a special time alone with my father.  One night at dinner, I mentioned the name… Roger.  I saw the expression in my dad’s face drop.  I promised him that I wasn’t giving my heart away this time and if he wanted to fly up to take me to dinner once a month, why not?  And I think I flippantly mentioned something like, “he doesn’t want to date me, he wants to marry me.”

 I left my dad in Italy and flew back to Seattle while he continued his trip with a train ride to Switzerland.  A few weeks later I received a hand written letter from my father that he wrote on that train ride. 

 He thanked me for a wonderful trip and ended by saying, “The man who wins your heart will be a very lucky man.  If that man turns out to be Roger, you can be sure that both of you will have 100% of my support.”

Was this my same father?  Did he have too many glasses of wine on that train ride?  Or did he perhaps now understand that I was proceeding with caution and simply opening my mind up to something that Roger had already been convinced of – we would spend our lives together.

 The following month Roger was speaking at a family retreat and arranged for a visit with my parents after the retreat.  Roger wanted to ask their forgiveness for hurting their daughter several times over the past 8 years.  I thought he was crazy.  He was a grown man of 35 and didn’t need to explain himself to my parents.  But he was insistent.  As I sat home in Seattle, wondering what was going on down in California with Roger and my parents, it was the first time that I was convinced that he was serious about me.  Since he flew up to Seattle the first time to take me to dinner, I was very guarded and wondered if he’d change his mind again like he had so many times before.  Was this another phase where he’d pursue me and then in a few months decided that I wasn’t that important to him?  But having the nerve and intention of paving a smooth and healthy road before him by clearing the air with my parents showed me that if this “relationship” was going to potentially end, it wouldn’t be by his hand.  It would be by mine.

Make Out Monday - Game Night

It's Make Out Monday!

 

 

The theme for a September date is
Game Night

what is Make Out Monday?  click here to read more

 



 

One our honeymoon we took a deck of cards and a Cribbage Board.

In the afternoons we'd have a drink and a snack and play cards.  It was so much fun!

We don't do that much anymore.

 



 

So a simple Game Night date sounded perfect.

I used to host a monthly poker game before I was married,

so over the years I had collected some fun dishes! (no, I didn't buy anything special for the date!)

 



 

The center of the table was lined with various game baords.

 



 

And the cute dishes were filled with some of our favorite simple snacks like bruschetta or frozen love from Trader Joes!

 



 

Keep score and perhaps the winner gets a special prize!

Your turn!  You have a month to have a fun date Game Night with someone you love.

If you do, or have another great date night idea, I'd love to hear about it!!

Happy Dating!

A Redeeming Love - Chapter 4

    It was a beautiful wedding. Deer Valley Resort in Utah provided the deck and God provided the majestic mountains that ushered us all into His presence for this holy occasion. I had met the groom while I was in college - a phenomenal man who embodied a love for Jesus and a love for bacon! The bride did not become a close friend until we lived together after college and over our buttered toast in the morning before work, we'd share life and prayer requests and become fast friends. The wedding was in her home state, I was singing in the ceremony, and he, Roger Newquist, was officiating. Many of my college friends were present for the weekend festivities, so I was busy visiting with them while admiring Mr. Newquist from afar.
       As the ceremony began the bride started walking down the aisle alone. It was her choice to walk down alone and it was a bold and powerful statement. Her groom was waiting at the end of the aisle, but as she walked about half way, he ran to meet her. It was an image I'll never forget. His excitement to be her husband was great, but his love for her was even greater. He had to run to get her.
       As the wedding weekend wrapped up, I found out that Roger and I were flying out of Salt Lake around the same time and he offered to take me to the airport. At last, I would have time alone with him to talk and get to know a little bit more about this mysterious, handsome man. I was thrilled.
       On the long car ride to the airport I asked Roger all kinds of questions about what led him into full time ministry.  We had wonderful conversation together and I was trying to keep my imagination from running wild.   After all, we had just spent a weekend in Utah witnessing a romantic wedding!
       Roger knew that I was active in our church and as he talked about the college and young adult ministries he led, he asked if I were interested in helping out in the college ministry.  I was never involved in a college ministry as a student, so I didn't really know what it entailed.  All I knew was that the man who caught my eye and took my breath away 2 years ago was now essentially asking me if I wanted to spend one evening a week with him (and several college students).  I said I'd think about it, but in my heart I already knew I would say yes.  Little did I know that his offer would radically change my life in more ways than one.
       A few weeks later Pepperdine was starting up which meant that the church would soon be flooded with college students and the college ministry would be in full swing.  I agreed to be an adult volunteer and I quickly discovered what I was created to do.  Even though I continued to work at E!, I couldn't wait for Tuesday nights when I got to mentor college students and spend a little extra time with Roger.  Soon our conversations after Tuesday nights would turn into conversations on Wednesday nights and my heart was falling deeper and deeper in love with this man.

       In December Roger asked me to go to Disneyland with him.  It wasn't really a date, we just went as friends.  But if you've ever been to Disneyland at Christmas time, it's even more magical than normal and date or not, it was a magical day together!  We walked over to Snow White's Wishing Well and I said that we had  to make wishes.  We threw quarters into the well and made our wishes.  Immediately after, Roger asked me what I wished for.  "I can't tell you or it won't come true," I said.  He didn't believe that, but since I wouldn't tell, neither would he.  It was December 20th 1997; he'd have to wait 6 more years before I'd tell him what I wished for.

A Redeeming Love - Chapter 3

I think that every story of romance is worth telling.  As I recall my own, I myself am amazed at the woven tapestry of love, heartbreak, tough lessons learned and bliss.

I hope you’ll join me every Friday this Summer for my Summer Romance Series:

A Redeeming Love

Chapter 1,   Chapter 2

Chapter 3
In April 1995 I graduated from Pepperdine and left Malibu.  It would be about a year before I would return to Southern California and once again attend Malibu Presbyterian Church.  From the time I first saw the handsome man in the navy blue suit in church, to the time I returned to Malibu, I hadn’t thought about him.  I had no idea who he was and I was preoccupied with trying to figure out life after college.  Because I once thought I’d meet someone in college and marry shortly thereafter, I didn’t have any career passions or goals and was waiting for God to give me some vision.  Romance and dating were far from my mind.  Looking back now, I guess I did meet that man in my last 2 months of college.  But it would be another 9 years before he’d become my husband, so I needed to pursuing some kind of career!

 I was embarking on the new adventure of living in Los Angeles as a single, young woman and looking for a job!  Luckily my brother was dating a Recruiter at the time and she helped me find a job.  All the while I was very active at Malibu Presbyterian Church.   I finally was introduced to the handsome man in the navy blue suit.  His name was Roger Newquist and he was the Associate Pastor of College and Young Adult Ministries at the church.  I was smitten.  He was handsome and a pastor – what could be better?!

I sang on the worship team and at Thursday night rehearsals he would drop in sometimes.  I could barely contain myself.  We were introduced several times, “Roger, this is Raeanne Jones.”  He’d nod and shake my hand, I’d be thinking, “yea, I met you last week, and the week before.  Don’t you remember my name?”  Now I know that he did know my name and thought I had a boyfriend so he acted disinterested!

Through a few crazy temp jobs, I finally landed a job at E! Entertainment Television and a whole new set of adventures began!  I was living with 3 amazing girlfriends in a fabulous penthouse apartment overlooking the ocean, I was working at a “low budget cable network” where I met interesting people and got to make a few TV appearances myself!, and I was loving my church family and all the ministry opportunities there – life was full and rich.  All of the newness was a wave I rode as long as it kept coming.  I still didn’t really know Roger, but my heart skipped a beat every time I saw him.  I had never been so attracted to a man.  Because I was shy around men, I didn’t know how to get to know him.  I was not bold enough to approach him and our circles didn’t cross much.  For now, just seeing him on Sundays and the occasional Thursday rehearsal would give me a little something to dream about… until we ended up in Utah together the following summer.

Make Out Monday - Waterfront Date

It's Make Out Monday!

July's date theme is The Waterfront 

A fun date by the water.

Our littles have been in Vacation Bible School all week, so one morning I packed a little breakfast pic nic and took my husband to the beach for a morning date.

Fresh fruit, hot tea, and a little Enya to accompany the crashing waves.

We sat together and made a list of summertime dreams.

It was a wonderful time together.

Now it's your turn!  Plan a date for your loved one around the water.  Any water will do - a lake, river, ocean, even a bathtub!  If you want to tell us about your date, please leave a comment :)

Happy Dating!

Make Out Monday - Traveling Romance

It's Make Out Monday friends!!  In an effort to be intentional with our marriages, this is my monthly challenge to keep dating your husband! 

you can check out details of the Make Out Monday challenge here 

The theme for the month of May is

Traveling Romance

Flashback to a trip you've taken together.  Pull out the photo album.  Watch the home video.  Decorate your table with a souvenir purchased on the trip.  Cook a meal that you had on the trip.  Have fun remembering the journey together!

My husband and I worked in college ministry prior to getting married.  Prior to dating in fact!  We had the awesome privilege of leading a team of college students to Thailand and Burma on a mission trip.  Our Traveling Romance date took us to Thailand!

This beautiful fabric I bought in Thailand was our table cloth.

See... it really is from Thailand!

We have a fabulous Thai restaurant that we love to get take-out from, but in an effort to save a little money, I made a few Thai dishes. 

 Curry Tom Gai

Thai Peanut Noodles with Prawns

And for our entertainment, I pulled out the video I took while we were in Thailand.  A few years back my dad took all my mini hi8 tapes and put them on DVDs for us - such a treat!

We weren't dating on this trip, but I was so in love with him!  Throughout the video I kept pointing out to my husband, "I was so in love with you then!"

More than it being a lot of fun to remember some outrageous adventures in Thailand, it was inspirational to see the people we met there and hear their stories of God's faithfulness in their lives.  From the women at The House Of Love who were sold in the sex trade and now suffering from AIDS, to the incredible people living in refugee camps, we were changed then when we met them and blessed to be reminded of their stories as we watched the video.

It was a wonderful date.

Now it's your turn!  Pick a trip you went on with your husband - it doesn't have to be international - it could be a weekend you spent camping, your honeymoon, anything!  And create a little date around that trip and have a wonderful time remembering together.



Intentional Marriage - You Reap What You Sow

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.

Galatians 6:7

We reap what we sow. It’s purely common sense. This principle relates to every area of our lives – if we eat tons of unhealthy food (sow junk food) we will be overweight and miserable (the harvest of junk food). If we are sarcastic with our children and easily exasperated with them (sowing seeds of bad attitudes) we will have disrespectful, sassy children (the harvest of a bad example).

I am so grateful for the teachers and mentors in my life. Recently, one of my teachers talked about how we can misname harvest in our lives for circumstances. In marriage we can say, “we’ve grown apart.” But that is not a circumstance of our marriage, it is a harvest of sowing very little seeds of quality time together. “We’re so busy with the children right now, we almost live like roommates!” That is not a circumstance of having children, it is the harvest of not making your spouse your priority above the children.

We are constantly sowing seeds into our marriage, whether we intend to or not. Each choice we make is a seed we’re planting. How we greet our spouse in the morning, how we respond to an unkind word, the expression on our face, how we speak of our spouse in public, surprising our spouse with a special date night, leaving our spouse their favorite snack on the seat of their car… all of these things are seeds that we sow into our marriage and in due time, they will yield a harvest – some good, some not so good.

Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.

2 Corinthians 9:6

This verse is very convicting to me. Sow generously! I know that I want to reap a bountiful harvest in my marriage, but a bountiful harvest requires a lot of work – and not just one day of work, but a lifetime of it! The process of farming is simple, yet very involved and a lot of consistent work. The soil must be properly prepared, the seeds planted at a specific time, the ground nurtured and cared for so that the seeds have a healthy environment to grow in. Rocks, weeds, animals and pests must be removed daily so that they don’t kill the seeds that have been planted. Once the seeds start to grow, some need to be pruned to stay healthy. There is a lot involved in the process of growing things, but if we stay committed, we will reap a wonderful, healthy harvest in time.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9

God will not be mocked! We will not sow selfishness and discontentment and reap a joyful, healthy marriage. God will not be mocked.

Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.

Galatians 6:8

As I have observed, those who plow evil and those who sow trouble reap it.

Job 4:8

Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.

James 3:18

Last week my husband and I went away for 3 days together to the central coast of California. We stayed at a precious little Inn on the ocean with a wonderful patio where we sat for hours, cuddled on a love seat, watching the waves and seagulls.

Our Inn packed us a picnic breakfast each morning that we took on a walk

and stopped to enjoy along the sea.

During our days we went antiquing (my favorite), wine tasting (his favorite), olive oil tasting, and finished with some amazing meals. It was a wonderful time of sowing good seeds into our souls and our marriage. On our last day, I sat in the love seat and looked through the guest book journal that was in our room. I started to cry as I skimmed through entry after entry of couples who shared how rejuvenating their time was there. They laughed, had great conversations, cuddled, sat quietly… I could sense the rest in their words and I could feel the life giving memories they made. Seeds were sown. As I wrote my own entry, I included the passage that we all reap what we sow and I knew we would reap an abundant harvest from the seeds we sowed at that little Inn.

What do you want to get out of your marriage? What do you want to harvest down the road? What can you be planting now that will yield that crop? Remember, every choice you make with your words and your time are seeds you are sowing. Every dollar you spend, every place you go, every conversation you have are seeds you are sowing. Make a choice today to sow seeds into your marriage to please God and watch the fruit grow!

CHALLENGE: What are you currently harvesting in your marriage? Take some time to think about what you want to harvest out of your marriage and make a decision to plant seeds that will yield that harvest. Remember that hard work lies ahead and you won’t see the fruit of those seeds for some time, but don’t give up! God promises that at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we don’t give up!

This will be my last Intentional Marriage post for awhile. I pray that God richly blesses your marraige and protects it from the enemy. 

Next week I’m going to start a series on Monday where I’ll be sharing

a personal journey I’m currently on.

I hope you’ll join me!

Happy Monday!

Intentional Marriage - Make Out Monday

A few years back I was talking with some friends about the importance of the almighty “date night” but how hard it is to drop $50 on a sitter and then the dinner bill? One woman giggled and said that she and her friends do “Make Out Mondays” – where they swap babysitting for each other. The rules are: your kids have to be fed, bathed and put to bed, then your friend simply shows up to sit on your couch, watch TV, or nap while you go out with your man! Quite a deal! We started doing this with our neighbors and it was great. I loved my night of watching their children because I could sit in peace, uninterrupted and just be. 9 out of 10 times I completely fell asleep on their comfy couch! Removing the financial hindrance of a babysitter made going out much easier.

Last Summer, a blog I follow, issued a challenge to make a special date for your husband at home after the children go to bed. One idea was to do a “Pretty Picnic.” I did it and it was one of the best dates my husband and I have had… in our backyard! There are so many things that get in the way of spending alone time with our spouse and honestly, it seems like a grand effort to go out when all I want to do in the evenings is sit on the couch and go to bed early! But that alone time with our spouse, when we can have an uninterrupted conversation, is so important to the health and strength of our marriage.

So… I’m throwing out the challenge to all of you for the rest of the year. Once a month, take part in Make Out Monday. (It doesn't have to be on Monday, and making out is optional!) The first Monday of each month, I’ll post a theme for your date.  I'll share some ideas and then have fun getting creative as you make a special evening for you and your husband. If you want to save money on a sitter, see if you have a friend who will swap with you. If you want to skip the sitter altogether, create your own stay at home date after the children go to bed. Skip their naps and put them down early!

It is so important that we get intentional about creating time alone with our spouse. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. It doesn’t have to be for 5 hours. It just needs to happen consistently.

CHALLENGE:
February is half over, but there is still time! So the theme for your February Make Out Monday date is LOVE – simple as that! Have fun getting creative as you express love to your spouse this month. (love songs, love poems, most loved food, most loved dessert…)  Pick a day before the month is over and create a special date for that handsome LOVE of yours!

Intentional Marriage - The H Project

Today I'm so excited to have my very first guest post by my dear friend Gretchen.

6 years ago my husband officiated her wedding to her lovely husband Tom. 

They now have 2 adorable children and just moved to Chattanooga Tennessee, leaving us behind in Southern California where we miss them terribly!

Gretchen is a stunning woman of God who has a passion to get family right - most importantly, starting with her marriage.  Today she is going to share something special that has done great things for her marriage! 
Enjoy!

And let me make a little disclaimer before she gets started - this post is for women only!  So, if you are a husband, STOP reading now!  I mean it.  (Not sure if there are any other men that read this blog except my dad and husband!)

*************************************************************

The ‘H’ Project

A Valentine tradition just waiting to be made!!!

I am so thankful that Raeanne has opened her wonderful blog to this non-writer to share with all of you about something that has the potential to change your heart and your marriage.

If there is something that happened last year, that I can’t stop talking about, it is what has come do be known affectionately as “The H Project.” As I attempt to put down in words all that this project is my prayer is that you catch the H Project fever and your marriage and family reap the rewards.

Last year my heart was changed when I accepted an invitation to do The Husband Project “21 Days of Loving Your Man on Purpose and with a Plan” with two dear friends. As a Mommy of a one year old and a two year old, I needed all the help I could get.

When the book finally arrived I snuck away to thumb through it quickly (and privately). Now I know what you might be thinking, and no ladies, this isn’t a project about sex! (although there are bonus projects that you can do in that regards) but one of the keys of this project is that you do your projects secretly. There is something HEART CHANGING when you do something, covered in prayer, and simply because you love someone, not expecting anything in return.

Each of the 21 days involves a different type of project. One day you might be surprising your husband with his favorite dessert and insisting that he eat it ALL by himself. It probably seems like you should get a bite or two because he will want to share it with you, but there is something that changes inside your heart and his when you say, “No honey, I got that for you.” HEART CHANGING! Another day you may be asked to simply point out the amazing things he does. HEART CHANGING! Or perhaps you might give him the night or morning off by suggesting he stop and hit some golf balls at the driving range on his way home. HEART CHANGING! Not to mention post it notes…those little sheets hold a lot of potential. HEART CHANGING!

When I say HEART CHANGING I am talking about my own heart (although I am sure his was impacted too). You see, I have wonderful ways to express love, encouragement, and thankfulness to my love but they have usually been ways that come naturally to me. I was speaking in my love language. These projects opened my heart to his love languages, and stretched me to use love languages that aren’t as familiar or comfortable for me…I grew and my HEART CHANGED!

It is 21 days, covered in prayer, that will change your heart and your marriage.

Tips to making this project work.

1. Pick a team! I trust that God will provide two friends to join your team. Ask Him who they should be. You may not know but He does.

2. Order the book. If you all order the book together you can save on shipping. This Mommy likes a good deal!

3. Set up a planning meeting. This is a chance for your team to get together and plan out each of your activities for the next 21 days. It is fun to do it together and makes for easier accountability.

4. Set a start date! Do not put it off or it will never happen. We all have the best intentions and I guarantee that there isn’t a better time to start this than now.

5. Pray! What makes this project different then the rest is that you are doing this with God on your team. Each project comes with a prayer and that is HEART CHANGING!

6. Share the secret! Once you have finished the project share all that God has done and encourage others to get started.

7. Do it again! The Husband Project is something that you will want to do each year. Last year, I did it twice!!!

thanks Gretchie!

xoxoxox

CHALLENGE: Get the book and some friends and get started!

FLASHBACK QUESTION:  Are you upholding your husband with your words?

Intentional Marriage - Husband Bashing

"When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water."

James 3:3-12

The tongue is a powerful thing. Our words have such profound power. I think it’s sad that for some reason it has become ok or normal to bad mouth our husbands with one another. We take on a sarcastic tone and as we cut him with our words, somehow everyone ends up laughing and joining in. Husband bashing is almost like a fun secret past time for women and it’s becoming culturally acceptable in some ways. What appears to be female bonding over innocent, light hearted jabs at our husbands, is really a poison that begins a slow death.

My mom used to say when something was going wrong, “do you go to the phone? Or do you go to the throne?” Well… all too often, I go to the phone. It feels good to vent a bit and share with someone else my frustrations and anger. But when it comes to frustrations with my husband, going to the phone can be a spark that starts a forest fire. As women, we don’t want anyone to feel alone, and if a girl friend starts to bad mouth her husband to us and share her frustrations, it’s easy to join in.

A few weeks back I wrote about the importance of having a healthy community surrounding your marriage. The same goes for having healthy girlfriends to share marital frustrations with. There are certain friends we have that make husband bashing so easy, they’re almost like kindling to our spark. Those are often the friends we think of first to call when we’ve just had a fight or our husband did something that made us furious. And then there are friends, perhaps we’re lucky to have even one, who will gently cut us off in the midst of a rant and remind us to uphold our husbands with our words. A friend that will offer to pray, right then, for our marriage and not allow us to continue with our sharp tongue. A friend that listens and doesn’t encourage bashing. Do you have a friend like that? Are you a friend like that?

A little trick I do is to get in my car and go for a drive where I share my frustrations out loud to… my steering wheel! My rehashing of whatever happened with my husband often turns to a prayer where I’m asking God to forgive me for my part. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I take my frustrations to the phone instead of the throne, but if I can get away in the car, I seem to advert the possible bashing.

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Proverbs 18:21

The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.

Proverbs 15:4

It’s just that powerful! Think about the word bash – to destroy or a party! Our words about our husband can be destructive to who he is, or they can be like a celebration of who he is.

The Bible tells us that out of the heart the mouth speaks. In the moment our heart has been wounded or upset, it’s easy to speak harsh words that can do far more damage than the initial incident with our husband. As women, let’s make a commitment to uphold our husbands in our words with one another. Let’s put an end to husband bashing and be the friend that redirects our sisters to the Lord when they are starting to say words they might later regret.