Friday, August 31, 2012

A Redeeming Love - Chapter 11

A summer romance series, chronicling my love story

Back together at last! 
But this time was different.  A few months before our second go around I was at a young adult’s bible study with a few hundred people.  Roger was there.  Now that he was back working in Southern California on a cop schedule, we didn’t see him much and he started going to a new church.  I had gone on a few dates since Roger had broken up with me and left for the CHP Academy.  Nothing too serious, but I ran into all those guys that night!  In my journal I wrote:

 August 7, 2001
“I walked away tonight having so many fun conversations with awesome guys, but I can only think of Roger.  He’s the only one who still makes my heart race when he brushes up against me, takes my breath away when he looks at me and smiles, brings me to tears as I watch him worship our  Lord.  My heart loves this man for all that he is, even on bad days, he’s the only one I’m attracted to and the only one that I’m still left remembering at the end of the day.”

 With that, I did something I’ve never done before.  I made the first move.  I prayed about it for a few months and then sat down with Roger and asked if there was ever a chance of us dating again?  I just needed to know once and for all so I could move on.  After a very long conversation and a few days to think and pray, we started dating again – October 26th, 2001.

 Now our worlds were different – he was a cop and I was in a pastoral role and we didn’t see each other as often.  His work schedule allowed him to pop in for lunch every now and again, but we tried to spend his days off together.  It felt very different than 2 years ago.  We were different.  I realized that in our first dating experience, I romanticized everything about him.  I just loved loving him!  His faults or differences, well, I didn’t pay too much attention!  But 2 years apart helped me grow and mature and this time I knew a little more of what I was getting into.

 The holidays were upon us once again and his job schedule didn’t allow for much holiday play.  Then he got a call that there was a job opening in Sacramento at the Capitol.  Roger’s family was in Sacramento and the job at the Capitol was exciting and interesting.  He flew up for an interview.

On February 4th, 2002 I spent the morning at the beach reading and praying. 
“Genesis 22 – God tells Abraham to sacrifice Isaac.  This is the son he’s waited for, the son that has been promised.  The son they conceived at 100!  The son of the covenant that God promised Abraham.
   Now God tells him to give him up, kill him!  What is more amazing is Abraham’s radical trust in God.  He totally trusts and takes Isaac up the mountain to obey God and kill him.  He totally trusts God!  Even in horrible, crazy, “you’ve got to be kidding me” circumstances!  Abraham obeys and does what God says.
       He is radically obedient.  To no end.  At any cost.  He obeys.
And God provides, God blesses, God is trustworthy.
I am going to receive this as my message today.
  God I want and I need to trust you like Abraham did!  I need to trust you in my “you’ve got to be kidding me” circumstances with Roger.  I want my reaction to be that of Abraham – radical obedience and worship!”

 God was preparing my heart.  4 days later Roger returned from Sacramento.  I was at his house to greet him and he gushed over his time up there.  They offered him the job.  He accepted it.  When I asked about us, I’ll never forget his response.  “At this point in our relationship, you should play a bigger role in my decision making, and you don’t.”
I was in shock.  We talked, cried and I left, for the last time.  It was over and he soon moved to Sacramento.

 My world was changing.  The college ministry I was leading for now 2 years had grown measurably and I was feeling the weight of carrying it alone.  God gave me a vision for ministry on a trip to Poland and I was to be “#2, not #1” in ministry.  I was no longer to lead this large ministry, but support one who did.  My relationship with the man of my dreams was done for good.  My nest was becoming rather uncomfortable.  I never expected God would use that uncomfortable nest to shove me out of it and make me fly.

PS – only 2 chapters left!!

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