A summer romance series, chronicling my love story
Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6, Chapter 7, Chapters 8&9,
Chapter 10, Chapter 11
Chapter 10, Chapter 11
The days and weeks after Roger broke up with me once and for all were more difficult than I would have imagined. I had been through break ups with him before. But this time was different. This time there was a reason – I didn’t play as big of a role in his life as he played in mine. He didn’t love me nearly as much as I loved him. I was devastated. I was broken.
The days of moving on turned into weeks and the weeks into months. I was limping along and feeling more and more confused about many aspects of my life. Most of all, I was confused about God. I had prayed, I sought His wisdom regarding Roger, and I felt that He was leading us back together – so why didn’t it work? One cold morning I got in my car and started driving North. I had always gone up in the mountains by my childhood home to talk with God when I was growing up. I knew I needed to get to those mountains, specifically to “my rock” and talk to God.
I sat in the car with my Bible and journal, it was freezing outside and too harsh for me to sit on my rock. As I prayed, I boldly asked God what happened? I felt betrayed. Then God spoke to me, “I have more for you. He’s not enough for my girl. You wanted him so badly, I couldn’t stop you but had to allow you to experience the truth so that you might hear when I say I have more for you. He’s not the one for my girl.”
He was right. For 7 years I had been in love with this man. For 7 years of friendship and on and off again dating, I had my eyes set on him and nothing could change that. Even his lack of enthusiasm and lack of love for me. It didn’t matter. I loved him and that was enough for me. But not enough for God.
I left that mountain with great peace and hope. I made the 5 hour drive back to
I was in a
. I had a new job. I had a new home. I was making new friends, and God was giving me a new heart. What an amazing blessing that move was! Roger knew I had moved away and moved on. He too had moved on. After I was in new city for about 6 months, he called casually to say hello. The conversation was awkward to me. I felt nothing for him. He, on the other hand, seemed to have a hint of desire in his voice. I thought it strange and made it clear that I was happy and healed and in a new place. We didn’t talk again. Seattle
was incredible. I learned so much about myself and Jesus and Christian community up there. Friends and family came to visit and we had a blast feasting our eyes on the beauty of God’s creation and filling our stomachs with phenomenal food! I also loved taking guests to Mariners games - I kinda became a baseball fan! The first year flew by and I was loving every moment, even the challenges that transition brings turned into blessings. Seattle
And then the letter came. A 6 page, handwritten letter on beautiful paper.
It was from Roger.
I read it.
I felt sick to my stomach.