Share

As parents we are always reminding our children to share their toys with friends or siblings. I am always surprised when I catch my children sharing when they haven’t been reminded to! It’s like a breath of fresh air to see a selfless act from a child. The idea of keeping things to our self must be something we are born with. Surely we were never taught to think of our self first, hold on to what is ours and not share. Yet that is what comes natural to us. Children are not the only ones who don’t share naturally – grown ups don’t either! I mostly think of the lack of sharing the truth as adults. We are reluctant to be honest and say how we really feel. We shy away from asking a friend for help, not wanting to share our need. We hesitate to be candid and share that we are lonely, sad, or hurting. And just like the little ones, I’m always surprised when talking to a friend who openly shares a piece of their real life with me. It is such a breath of fresh air to encounter honest sharing of oneself with another. We can gain so much when we step out and share the truth of who we are or what we are experiencing. And it is always a blessing when someone trusts you enough to share who they are with you. Share – it will do you good!

Worship

My daughters just finished a week at Vacation Bible School. It is a week long camp at church where the children learn Bible verses and themes, make crafts, sing songs and of course play! It was always a highlight of my summer as a child and I could hardly wait for my children to be old enough to go. On the last day I went with camera in hand to film their song and Bible lesson time. As I walked into the large room packed with little people following the leaders up front in song and movement, I immediately welled up with emotion. I didn’t see my girls at first, but pulled out the video camera anyway and began to film. Listening to the words to the songs and watching the children do the corresponding hand motions stirred my spirit and I began to cry. I felt very silly and couldn’t really stop. Song after song, I wiped my eyes and tried to hide behind my camera! All I could think of was, “we were created to worship God.” It was the most natural, simple, perfect scene – children singing praises to God and lifting their hands to Him as if to say, “pick me up Daddy.” We were all created to worship our Creator, God. At the core of our being, our purpose is worship. Nothing feels more fulfilling, natural, or complete than worshipping God with our lives. Many spend their lives searching for meaning, purpose and identity. But, the answer is simple: We were created to worship God. We are worshippers.

My Birthday

I just celebrated my birthday last weekend and at lunch with my dear girlfriends I was asked: what the best part of my 36th year of life was and what I was most looking forward to in this coming year. I quickly said the birth of my baby boy was my highlight last year and was just as quickly reminded that he was born when I was 35!!! So it looks like having 3 kids has taken it’s toll on my memory and sense of time! But those questions prompted me to take some time to reflect on the past year and start to set some goals for this year to come.

Things I am thankful for from this past year of life are:
Watching my daughters fall in love with their baby brother
Watching my husband fall in love with his son
Celebrating 5 years of marriage
Taking a parenting class that has changed my life
Watching my daughters fall in love with learning through preschool
Going on a weekend marriage retreat with my husband
Celebrating the holidays with lots of family and friends
Getting to speak at a college retreat in Seattle
Celebrating my brother’s 40th year of life
Watching my son take his first steps
Going with my daughters to their first tea
Taking a trip to Cabo with my husband
Getting to speak to the young adults of Bel Air Pres
Watching my daughters fall in love with the ocean at the beach
Spending a life changing weekend with my Grandmother a month before she died
Being surrounded by many who love me and call me higher
I am a blessed woman and could go on and on about all that I’m thankful for as I reflect. As far as goals for the next year, well, those will probably become more apparent in future posts!

Life Takes Time

I picked the first tomatoes from my garden the other day and I was over the moon with the results! I think they are the most perfect tomatoes I’ve ever seen. Their color is uniform and brilliant red, their skin is tight and shiny with no blemish, they are beautifully topped with perfect green stems and they taste even better than they look! I have to admit, I didn’t think they would turn out so well. My garden has been a challenge this Summer for many unknown reasons. I have tons of tomatoes on the vines, but I was skeptical if they would ripen and be edible. I guess I really didn’t have much vision for my tomatoes. I got excited at the first sign of growth, but quickly lost heart as days passed and nothing much more happened. Everything in life takes time. It’s easy to start out the gate with excitement and passion, then quickly lose momentum when months and years go by with little results. All the while, God has a plan and He will not reveal the finished product until all the lessons have been learned along the way. If we “pick our fruit” too soon, we will miss out on all of the powerful flavors. I guess I need to be more patient and trust that in time, all things will come to fruition according to God’s plan.

One On One

My daughters just returned from a week at Camp Grammie. They were finally old enough to spend about 5 days away with their grandparents without missing us too much! Having just lost my Grandmother, I was so excited for my daughters to get this special one on one time with their Grammie and start building memories of a lifetime with her. They came home in their camp shirts and hats, so excited to share their stories and crafts with us! I got the joy of having only one child for the week. My first babies were twins, so I never got to experience life with just one baby! At first I really didn’t know what to do with my one year old son. I make it a habit to never take my children to the grocery store or mall for obvious reasons! But I had a few errands to run. I talked to a girlfriend of mine who has one baby the same age and she said, “at this age, he doesn’t care what you are doing, he just wants your undivided attention.” I pushed my guilt aside of indulging in my own needs and took him on all my errands. It was true – he didn’t care where we were, just as long as we were together. It’s amazing what one on one time can do for us. My girls came home feeling so loved and special because they had one on one time with Grammie and Papa. I felt so special and blessed that I got one on one time with my son. And I know that the little dude missed his sissys, but loved the undivided attention! The same gifts await us when we get alone with God. It is wonderful to go to church or be involved in small group Bible studies, but, we can grow so much when we get alone with God for one on one time. Our undivided attention focused only on Him – His delight of simply being alone with one of His children.

Unexpected Blessings

I recently stopped to buy some strawberries from my favorite “Strawberry Lady” who picks in the morning, then sells in the afternoon! I love her. When I got out of my car, I looked down to find a Home Depot gift card laying in the street, obviously bruised from cars running over it. I picked it up, excited at the possibility of what was on that card. Today, a few weeks later, I went into Home Depot and asked how much money was left on the card, they said $50! I felt guilty knowing that it really wasn’t my money. I didn’t steal it. I couldn’t possibly find who it originally belonged to because there were no houses or people around when I found it (except the Strawberry Lady, and I know it was not hers!). It was truly a case of finders keepers! But yet I felt like a thief using it to buy flowers. As a child I would find money all the time. There was a season when I wouldn’t go more than a week without finding at least $5. My friend and I would ride our bikes to the local junior college in the Summer and find tons of money under the vending machines and use it to buy snacks! At Home Depot, one side of me felt like that thrilled little girl again who struck it rich! Another part of me felt like I needed to keep looking over my shoulder, afraid that I was going to get caught. Sometimes life gives us unexpected blessings. Better to just receive them and completely enjoy rather than feeling guilty.

Independence

As we just celebrated The 4th of July, or Independence Day, I’ve been thinking about the word “independence.” My daughters are 4 years old and I see their independence growing every day. This week they are up at Grammie Camp – a true sign that they are growing up as we’ve waited until we thought they could make it through a week without missing Mommy too much! Independence is something we strive for in our lives and something we work towards developing in our children as parents. We try to get them to feed themselves, teach them to go potty on their own, and show them how to dress themselves – it is all an effort to give them independence and thrust them away from their dependence on us. This idea of creating a person who is self sufficient seems so natural and positive. We praise their every accomplishment and cheer them onto the next. Isn’t it odd then that as an adult I strive to be less independent and more dependent on God? To trust His guidance rather than trying to master my own sense of direction. To rely on His strength rather than doing reps to build up my own muscle. To put my weight down on His Word rather than straining to find my own wisdom. I guess the beauty of Independence Day is that many lost their lives so that we could find ours in Christ. They gave us the “independence” or freedom from an authority that dictated religion, so that we could freely place our dependence upon the god of our choice. As I continue to help my children grow and develop into little people who no longer need Mommy to do everything for them, I hope to also point them towards Jesus who can do everything for them. Independent from me, dependent on God.

Holding Hands

For Father’s Day I always love to do a little photo shoot at the beach with the children and their Daddy. Now that we have three children, getting a good photo of all of them seems impossible! I often have an idea in my head of an image I want to capture and somehow forcing that moment to happen only makes for a terrible picture! These pictures are precious, even though I don’t have the full attention of all the children!
As I’ve looked at the series of photos, I’ve noticed the different postures of the children. They remind me of myself while walking through life holding God’s hand. Sometimes I’m holding on for dear life, terrified of the path ahead of me. Sometimes I’m looking back at where I’ve been, perhaps stuck in the past. And still other times I’m able to look out at the beauty around me, completely content and safe in His presence. I guess what is most beautiful to me is that although each child is doing their own thing, not cooperating for mommy’s dream photo!!!, they are all holding hands with their father. Perhaps that is the most important thing – that we remain holding God’s hand throughout life - knowing that the mere strength of His hand will bring our focus back when we’re distracted; the very warmth of His hand will comfort us when we’re afraid of the path we’re on; the massive size of His hand that seems to envelope ours gives us the security to relax and enjoy life. No matter your season of life, there is nothing better than holding God's hand as you journey on.

Responsibility

I was once told, “Responsibility is the great developer of people.” I had just finished my junior year in college and was working at a camp in Northern Wisconsin. This camp was different from any camp I’ve ever worked at because their focus was not on the campers, it was on the staff. The purpose of this camp was to develop college students into leaders through camping ministry. I remember being shocked at the responsibilities I was given that summer. Not only did I think I could not handle the tasks being asked of me, (like leading wilderness trips with 11 year old kids for 3 days – no cell phones, no trails, using a map and compass, no camping stoves…) but I wondered how safe parents felt with me taking care of their children in the wilderness! A month before the campers arrived, we were in training. We went out on our first backpack trip and I remember seeing our packs resting up against a tree as the truck let us off in the middle of the woods. I bent down to put on my pack and it seemed to weigh more than I did. I could barely stand up. After trying to hike for about 15 minutes, I told our guide, “I can’t do this.” I remember his response vividly, “You can do it, and you will.” A little shocked and offended, I stood still as he removed a few items from my pack and placed them in his own. It was a very tough trip, but he was right - I could do it and I did!
It is so easy to underestimate ourselves, to give up when we still have more to give, or to admit defeat before we’ve even started. But often times when we are challenged with great responsibility, we rise to meet the challenge in ways we didn’t think possible. The weight of responsibility placed on my shoulders that summer was great. At the beginning I wasn’t sure my body could bear the load. But by the end of the summer I was taking things out of my campers packs and placing them in my own. Much was asked of me that summer, and so I grew.

Happy Father's Day

Father. What a profound title to bear. It holds such weight and power, force and presence. Whereas my father carries all that, I prefer to call him Papa Bear or Daddy because in the midst of his strong presence, he is a great cuddler, never shys away from telling me he loves me or how proud he is of me, and he is always available to me. I know most kids think their dad is the best, but mine truly is! There is little to nothing that my Dad does not know, cannot fix, or won’t do to help his family and friends. One of my Dad’s famous phrases is, “you do it once and you do it right.” That pretty much sums up my Father! He does everything in his life with excellence.
I will never be able to fully express my gratitude for all my Dad has given to me. Because of my Dad, I love to travel, love good food, and try to do everything to the absolute best of my ability. My Father is an amazing man who has a fine resume that includes the entrepreneur of a successful company, fierce water skier, champion Swiss Platzgen player, puzzle master, Christmas tree light hanger extraordinaire, motorcyclist, race car enthusiast, pianist, guitar player, and the list goes on! But his most successful accomplishment is a marriage of 40+ years, 2 children who love and respect him, and 3 grandchildren that adore their Papa.

Happy Father’s Day Daddy.

I love you, -Your Sunshine

PHOTOS: Top - When my Dad first saw me in my wedding dress on my wedding day. I love that he looks speechless. I remember that moment like it was yesterday. It think I was only more nervous for my groom to see me!

Middle - my Daddy putting on my pearl necklace that he bought me in Japan when I was a child.

Bottom - my Dad surprised me for the Father Daughter Dance and played his guitar while dancing with me like he did when I was a little girl.

Expectations

I’ve heard some say that when we have children, we should lower our expectations. That didn’t sit well with me as I think we can expect much of them, challenge them, respect their ability to learn and grow beyond what we think. But I’ve begun to realize that I do need to lower my expectations a bit in order to truly honor my children in their current stage of life – childhood! They don’t understand the concept of time. They don’t know what “next week,” “next month,” “in five minutes,” or “hurry” means. They can’t totally grasp how their Daddy is also my husband and their Papa is my Daddy! They can’t comprehend why they can’t use my sharp knives, carry their brother around, or stir boiling water on the stove. When it comes to lowering expectations, I need to shift my expectations of my children in the sense that I need to expect them to do things as children do and not as adults. Because they don’t understand time, yelling at them to hurry up when we’re late for school means nothing. They just don’t get it and I can’t expect them to yet! I’m learning that lowering expectations isn’t a lazy or negative thing. It simply means viewing situations and circumstances through the eyes of a 4 or 1 year old who is experiencing the world for the very first time. They have no prior experience.
My daughter just came in and interrupted me:
“When I’m 46 can I have my birthday? And remember, I want a flamingo birthday!”
Enough said! They’re children and all too soon they’ll grasp time, relationships and danger. For now I’m going to expect them to be children and start planning that flamingo birthday party!!

Simple

I can’t put my finger on it, but what make life more simple in a small town? People are people wherever you go with the same fears, same problems, same insecurities… So why are things slower, more simple and somewhat peaceful in a small town? A few days in a small town in the Midwest allowed me to take a deep breath and be quiet. People smiled, drove slowly, waved, and opened conversations with total strangers (me!). My cousin was so calm with her 4 children ages 4 and under (the youngest being 3 month old twins!), and I wondered why am I not more calm with my little ones? I take full responsibility for the chaos in my life. Some like to blame Los Angeles traffic, the media, or the abundance of choices we daily face. But, I think I’m mostly responsible for taking the simple and making it complicated. It’s a matter of focusing on what truly matters, being true to oneself, and having a firm foundation that is not shaken by society. That can happen in a big city or a small town.

Something Greater Than Myself

I recently returned from Michigan where I attended my Grandmother’s funeral. It was a blessed trip - nice to see family that I don’t see often, and a wonderful and necessary time of saying goodbye to my Grandmother. Prior to traveling, I was telling my husband that my Grandma was the only grandparent of ours that ever got to meet our children. As I cried I had this overwhelming feeling of being small and unanchored. Without my Grandma, we only have our parents to go back to. I felt like I was missing something greater than myself,

greater than just the generation before me.
The day after my Grandma’s service I was driving to her home through the corn, beans, and beet fields. Even though it was pouring rain, I was enjoying all the old barns that I passed by. Tears began to run down my face like the rain streaming down my windshield. I felt once again this sense of missing something greater than myself. I ached with the longing for older wisdom and experience, someone who had seen more of life than me and could offer words of hope and encouragement. Just then “Creed” by Rich Mullens came on the radio.
"I believe in God the Father almighty
Maker of Heaven and Maker of Earth
And in Jesus Christ
His only begotten Son, our Lord
He was conceived by the Holy Spirit
Born of the virgin Mary
Suffered under Pontius Pilate
He was crucified and dead and buried
CHORUS:
And I believe what I believe
Is what makes me what I am
I did not make it, no it is making me
It is the very truth of God and not
The invention of any man
I believe that He who suffered
Was crucified, buried, and dead
He descended into hell and
On the third day, rose again
He ascended into Heaven where
He sits at God's mighty right hand
I believe that He's returning to
Judge the quick and the dead
Of the sons of men
CHORUS
I believe it, I believe it
I believe it
I believe it, I believe it
I believe in God the Father almighty
Maker of Heaven and Maker of Earth
And in Jesus Christ His only begotten Son,
Our Lord
I believe in the Holy Spirit
One Holy Church, the communion of Saints
The forgiveness of sin
I believe in the resurrection
I believe in a life that never ends"
Yes, there is something greater than myself and it is not just the generations who’ve gone before me. The God I believe in is much greater than me and he is my anchor. He is who makes me who I am. He is my source of wisdom and experience. He is my promised hope for the future and the future generations.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Tpq4MoRVV4

Leave A Legacy

I talked to my mom this morning and she told me that my Grandma had passed away a few hours ago. She is in heaven with Jesus, what she had longed for her whole life.
When I went back to visit my Grandma a month ago, my mom and I went to her house. In the basement there is a large counter on wheels that my Grandfather built. My mom said that they would use this to entertain. My Grandma would have the church over for different occasions and she’d wheel the large counter out to serve food on and entertain with. My Grandma was always entertaining and cooking for people. As we walked through the house, neat as a pin, I kept thinking of my mom. Her home is in perfect order, she loves to entertain and does it rather well, and not a day goes by when the house is not filled with aromas of fabulous home cooked food! She is so much like her mom. Then I laugh! Whereas my home is not neat as a pin, I too love to entertain and cook for anyone that will let me! I am so much like me mom! My Grandmother has left a legacy. Not only has she passed down homemaking and entertaining, but most importantly, she has passed down a faith in Jesus Christ that is far more important than an orderly home and fine cooked meals. I’ve always said that my faith is largely due to my mother. I know that her faith as well is due to her mother who shared Christ with her family, served the church faithfully and lived everyday in the hopes of meeting Jesus face to face. As I got into the car this morning to take my daughters to school, I was crying. My little girls asked me what was wrong? “Great Grandma just died,” I said. Then one said, “We need to pray for Great Grandma”… and the next generation of believing women has begun.

Our Children Are Not Our Own

Since we’ve lived in this house, the same little bird family builds a nest in the same place every year. I suppose we should feel flattered that they return to what they think is a perfect place to raise a family year after year! Yesterday my daughter came and found me to tell me that she saw a tiny bird that was so cute, “come see Mommy.” We peeked out the guestroom window to see a little baby bird on the ground and as the girls oooed and ahhhed over the tiny wonder I began to cry. I tried not to let them see my tears. They marveled at the sweet baby while I observed the frantic mama bird and papa bird panicking as they flew about. The little one tried to hop along a bit, obviously not ready to fly yet. I don’t know the whole story – did he fall out of the nest? Was there a problem with his wing when we took his first leap to fly? The only thing I knew was that something was wrong and the parents were terribly upset. They couldn’t pick him up and bring him back to the nest. In my adult life I’ve had two close friends deliver still born babies. I can’t imagine what that is like to panic at the news of a lifeless baby, to struggle knowing there is nothing you can do to return that little one to safety. All of these thoughts flooded my mind as I watched this bird family struggle. I then remembered the words a mother spoke at a funeral for her daughter who had just completed her PhD and flew home to be with family for the holidays. When she arrived home, she went to bed and didn’t wake up. At her funeral, her mother spoke and I’ll never forget what she said. She thanked the many people who sent her words of encouragement and comfort over the past few days. Many grieved over the fact that our friend died young. Who was the man she would have married? The children she might have had? The students she would have taught? Her mother simply said, “my daughter was not here for them. She was here for us.” Wow. I could not believe the strength, peace and wisdom of this mother who had just lost her daughter. Obviously she knew all along what I hope to know as a mother – that our children are not our own. They belong to God and are on a brief loan to us for such a time as He sees fit. Sometimes He only allows us to have them for a very brief moment. Psalm 139:16 says, “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” I find comfort in this verse that tells me God knows the span of our life and his timing is perfect. I didn’t see the baby bird today. If he’s not flying around, I trust that he’s flying up in heaven!

When All Gets Quiet

Sometimes as a Mom we savor the moments when all gets quiet. All the children are asleep, a moment alone in the car, or even a midnight feeding. Then there are times when all gets quiet and we begin to panic! Then children are off playing and we hear nothing – what kind of trouble is going on? The other day this kind of quiet came over my home and part of me was tempted to go see what kind of mischief the little ones were into. However, the other part of me just wanted to let them be, regardless of what was going on, and let them relish in the moment of being all alone, doing whatever they wanted! It was a gamble, but I won! I let them alone for about 45 minutes and then peeked in to find a magical moment. They had dressed themselves up in silly clothes and were playing so nicely together with beautiful, innocent imaginations. My heart was full.

I had a brief day dream about God when all gets quiet in his home –

when He hasn’t heard from me in awhile.

When all gets quiet on my end of life does He panic that I’m getting into trouble?

Does He sit back and let me go, only to peek in on me later to find me serving Him quietly?

I want to be found honoring God with my life when all gets quiet.

Fruit Of The Spirit

As the fruit trees in our backyard continue to produce beautiful fruit, I’ve been thinking about the Fruit of the Spirit and a Sunday School lesson I once heard. When talking about the Fruit of the Spirit, many people call them the “Fruits of the Spirit.” Perhaps this is because there are multiple virtues: Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness and Self Control. We often select one virtue and try to work on it in our life. My favorite one to focus on is self control!! But really, these virtues are not separate attributes that we can select and try to achieve in our life. They are a collective result of God’s Spirit in our life. The Fruit of God’s Spirit means the evidence of God’s Spirit – the result. If we want these virtues to be evident in us, then we don’t need to single them out and try to master each one, we simply need to be filled with God’s Spirit and then all of the Fruit of His Spirit will be demonstrated in us.

Spare Key
I recently locked my keys in my car, in the garage! I always leave my keys in the car when I’m at home so they are exactly where I need them as I’m running out the door. My husband was out of town for the week and I somehow managed to also have the spare set in my purse, which was locked in the car!
What do we do in life when our “key” or our plan A fails? Do we go to plan B – our “spare key”? But what if plan B also doesn’t work? Then what? As I called AAA to come out and unlock my car so I could go pick up my daughters from school, I started to think about the “spare keys” of my life. I realized that I sometimes treat God like my spare key, or my back-up plan. When my plan fails, I go to Him and ask Him to rescue me. But really, God isn’t a back-up plan, He is the plan! His ways are perfect. Sometimes it may not seem like it as things get tough and don’t always make sense, but God can see the larger picture and His plan for us is the best possible plan. The reality is, when God is the main key of my life, there is no need for a spare key.

Happy Mother’s Day
I always thought my mother was pretty amazing, but I never knew how super human she really was until I became a mother. My mom is someone that everyone should have the privilege of knowing. She is a “magical” person – once you meet her, you’ll never be the same. I am so honored that my mom is the woman that so many other women strive to be like. She is an extraordinary cook, she keeps an impeccable home, she dresses to the nines (most of the time!), she sings beautifully, she paints with whimsy, she keeps a lovely garden, she’s kind, she’s generous, she’s never met a stranger! She laughs all the time, freely gives compliments, always puts others first, keeps going beyond what anyone else can do, and lives life to the fullest extent. But, in the midst of all those fabulous things, her finest quality is that she radiates joy. She truly glows all the time with a power that sucks everyone in! Her secret – Jesus. My mother is a God fearing woman who clings to Him at any cost. She loves the Lord and serves Him faithfully and thus is filled with the joy of the Lord and His strength that is so attractive to all who come in contact with her. I’ve learned so much from my mom and continue to do so everyday. I hope and pray that I will be just like her and that my children will see Jesus in me as much as I see Him in my mom. Some people spend their whole lives looking for a best friend. I’m lucky that I was born to mine. I love you Moma, Happy Mother’s Day.

As If It Were My Last
I just spent three days with my Grandma in the nursing home where she was recently moved into. It was a powerful and convicting visit. God answered my prayers for a few good conversations with my Grandma where she was alert and as sharp as usual. One day she seemed to think that she was in heaven. My Grandmother is a strong Christian woman who has served God faithfully her whole life. She played the piano in her church for at least 30 years, she served the missionaries, and has always been involved in the church. I was amazed at the things she was saying on her “day in heaven.” “Have you seen God Raeanne?” “Not yet Grandma. Have you?” “No, but I can’t wait to fall at His feet,” she said with a smile. Through tears she continued, “I’ve prayed for this my whole life. Can you believe it? I’ve waited so long for this.” Then she started naming the people that she needed to look up, friends who are already in heaven. She quoted scripture, sang hymns, and glowed as she basked in the peace of being in heaven where she didn’t need to worry about a thing. Only a day before she cried as she told me, “I love life,” knowing that hers is coming to a close. She insisted that she didn’t want to be in a rest home. But now she was tapping into what she’s known her whole life and longed for – her true home. Everything she has been filling her soul with was now the reality and source of her peace. I was convicted. What am I filling my life with? In my final chapter, what will be in the forefront of my mind? Will it be the excitement and anticipation of seeing God? Will scripture that I’ve memorized flood my mouth as the words ring true and bring comfort and peace? Will I hear God say, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”? I am inspired by my Grandma. Her faith and love of Jesus has challenged me to get on it! To once again let the roots of Scripture sink down deep and become the foundation of all that I am. To live today as if it were my last; not indulging in my material cravings, but studying scripture and living with excitement and anticipation of seeing His face very soon.