Well Hello! It’s been a long, good, break from blogging. My girls’ first year of school is wrapping up so quickly and I needed space to focus just on them and be present. I don’t know, I kinda liked it! I kinda liked going off the grid for awhile. Let’s see if I can get back in the swing of things here on this little blog!
God has been speaking to my heart about so many things over the past few weeks. I’m so grateful that my relationship with Him is growing again and at a place I’ve longed to return to for many years. I know my deep struggles with anxiety have only served to deepen my intimacy with Jesus and for that I’m grateful. One thing I’ve learned lately is how the Spirit of God is moving in me right now.
My life before marriage and babies was rather dynamic and exciting in college ministry where I experienced the power of the Holy Spirit in some bold and obvious ways. I encountered some frightening evil and spiritual battles that God’s Spirit defeated in miraculous ways. I saw lives radically changed. I saw people physically healed from disease, wounds and suffering. I felt like my life with Jesus was alive and moving in such radical ways, I almost couldn’t keep up. It was amazing. It was exhilarating. As I left college ministry to become a wife and soon thereafter a Mommy, I’ve struggled with a less than dynamic Spiritual life. Don’t get me wrong – I know that God doesn’t change and neither does His power, but my life became so much more simple as a stay at home wife and mother and my encounters with people of extreme pain, problems and suffering on a daily basis diminished, so my relationship with God changed too. Without the dramatic needs and battles, I started to call upon the Holy Spirit less and less.
Does He still move in me, guiding me and directing me in this simple life as a little mom?
As I’ve sometimes longed for the life of excitement I once had, I’ve asked God to fill me once again with His Spirit. I want to be moved by Him again. I want to hear His voice. I want to be used in a mighty way again.
I had just come home from the gym, showered, and had about 45 minutes to spare before picking up my girls from school. “I can run to the grocery store and get some things done in 45 minutes,” I thought. A much softer thought entered my head, “I should just spend some time with God.” That voice was not as strong. “Ok, if I leave now, get to the market, park, get my stuff, get back to school… I should just sit on the patio and read my Bible.” This little dialogue took up about 10 minutes where I finally realized that I didn’t have enough time to get to the market and back before school was out, so I went outside and sat on the patio and prayed. I picked my devotional book and read powerful words that addressed a deep problem I was facing and I began to cry. I needed to hear those words so desperately and what I thought was a faint voice of what I should do, was actually God’s Spirit moving in me – moving me towards His gift of guidance and peace in that day.
Simple, I know, but it was a huge revelation to me that that little voice of common sense (as I dismiss it to be) is really God’s Spirit speaking to me. I didn’t recognize it because most of my experience with the Holy Spirit has been very dramatic in extreme circumstances. I now know that those little thoughts that flit through my mind all day long, “go here, sit down, take a deep breath, read this, call her…” those are not suggestions. They are God’s Spirit within me, moving me.
I’m grateful for the seasons of life I’ve had where I’ve seen the power of the Holy Spirit and felt His presence in extraordinary ways. But I’m grateful for the realization that He is not limited to the extraordinary. He moves and speaks in the simple, ordinary life of a stay at home mom and His words and power are just as great to heal, transform and save someone like me.
Do you sense God’s Spirit within you?
*See you Monday with June’s Make Out Monday challenge!