I stood in the backyard at 8am on Friday wincing at the loud roar of the chainsaws.
We talked about this for months and both decided that it had to be done, but I wasn't really ready to watch our trees come down.
I wanted to run and get my camera to have one last shot of our yard with the trees, but it was happening so fast, I didn't want to miss it.
I ran in and got it.
I barely made it.
It was over so fast and I couldn't hold back my emotions.
I really wasn't expecting to get emotional over these trees that were a bad decision from the start. These huge trees that are so beautiful in the Spring, rain down blossoms and bees all Summer long into the pool, making our swim adventures a bit too adventurous as we dodge bees! And all the mess in the pool makes the waters less than inviting on a hot day.
Yes, the decision to plant these types of trees, along with the quantity of trees planted in this small backyard about 40 years ago was not really a wise one.
Now we were making the bold move to take them down and start new.
As I walked into the house fighting my tears, I kept saying, "It had to be done. It was a bad decision from the start and it had to be done."
The old had to go so that the new could come.
Only a few days earlier I ran into a friend whose husband left her 5 months ago. She had the divorce papers ready to go, but just struggled with taking the last step of filing them.
I encouraged her saying that this had to be done so that new life could begin. It was sad, but that unhealthy marriage had to end.
It was like Jesus on the cross. He knew his whole life what he had to do, but as it got closer, it got harder. Even days before, Jesus asked if there was another way to save the world beside crucifixion. But he had to die so that new life could begin.
It had to be done.
Often times we know in our heart what is right and what must be done, but taking the final step, pulling the trigger, making that difficult phone call, confronting a friend, filing the papers or cutting down all the trees is extremely difficult.
I looked at the supervisor and asked, "What if we've changed our mind?"
"What?" he said with a panic.
"What if we've changed our mind and don't want to do this?"
Of course I was kidding because you cannot put back the trees! But in that moment, if it were possible, I just might have asked them to put them back!
I think in those in between moments of knowing what must be done and actually doing it, the enemy feeds our fears and emotions because he wants to keep us stuck in old ways that are unhealthy. He knows that new life can only come when the old is gone and he is threatened by newness. He wants us stuck with unhealthy trees that cause problems and frustrated us year after year. He wants to keep us too weak to make the bold decision to cut down the trees.
My husband came home from taking the children to school to see the empty backyard.
"What have we done?" he said. With his mouth open wide and eyes even wider I told him that I cried.
"It had to be done. This is going to be good. We're going to make this backyard amazing."
"Yea. You're right. It had to be done," I agreed.
Do you need to make a bold decision today to cut down some unhealthy trees in your life so that newness can begin?