Monday, January 16, 2012

Intentional Marriage - Remember When

        Last week I kicked off the Intentional Marriage series by sharing about the importance of having a healthy community that supports your marriage. I also started to tell the story of my crazy dental appointment! My conversation with my dentist continued for a few hours during which he shared with me that he was recently separated from his wife – that’s why he was asking so many questions. For a moment I felt sick to my stomach, but I quickly said a prayer, asking the Holy Spirit to guide my words and give me wisdom and discernment. It was by no accident that I was in that chair that day and he had no patients after me. Our conversation perhaps did more for me than it did for him. He has 4 young children, he is about my age, some of the things he shared sounded familiar – what if this was me? We think it could never happen to us. No one gets married thinking that it will end in divorce! I was overwhelmed with emotion and this energy to fight for their marriage where they had given up. I asked him why he had married her. I asked what it was like before they had children. I challenged him to remember when they were dating. Pull out the wedding album and remember when it was all new.

        My father used to encourage people to sit down with all their home movies and photo albums before they ever make the decision to divorce. That is so wise. Simply remembering what drew us to each other in the first place can spark some old feelings. Even if our marriage is going well, taking time to remember the first time we met, first date, things that attracted us to the other – all of these things can strengthen our marriage and remind us why we chose this person to share our life with. Sometimes we can get caught up in our current struggle and frustration and we make rash decisions or say harsh words. We must take the time to look at the whole picture – past, present and future.

        Do you remember the first time you saw your husband? Do you remember your first kiss? Do you remember the first gift he ever gave you? Do you remember the first time he said, “I love you”?

        I’m reminded of communion. Luke 22:19 says, “And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.” We take communion at church regularly to remember what Jesus did for us on the cross. It is the center of our faith. It is the beginning of our new life. We can easily go through life as a Christian, forgetting the power of the cross and the transformation it initiated in us. That is why we take time to weekly or monthly remember. In the same way we can go through our married life totally forgetting that young, attractive, sexy man that once caught our eye before we knew his name. We forget the butterflies and excitement of dating. We forget the plans we made and dreams we had. But we must remember those things regularly for those are the very things that started our life of glorifying God as a wife.

CHALLENGE: Take some time this week to remember when… make a list of the things you remember about your man before you were married – the things that attracted you to him – and share those over dinner one night. Pull out your wedding album or video and watch it together. As you remember the early stages of your love, ask God to continually show you new things to love about your spouse.

FLASHBACK QUESTION: How is your community?

1 comment:

  1. love this post! and i love the advice of looking through old movies and pictures. that is so helpful to remember why you fell in love in the first place and to bring up those feelings again. i love that!



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