The Cowboy

My baby boy turned 5 yesterday!

I think I got the best gift though - 

I got to take him on a little cowboy photo shoot at Paramount Ranch and it was magical!

The Lone Ranger visited that morning, dropping off a special birthday gift

a pistol with holster and a mask!

He had such a blast running around the ranch, pretending to get bandits!  

And just being a little boy.

As his Moma, I had a blast watching and dreaming with him!

Next weekend we'll celebrate with a Cowboy Cookout with all his buddies.

Get ready for party pics next week!

Happy Monday Y'all!

God's Girls

Last night 5 sweet girls were at our house for our first 

God's Girls gathering.

The girls are 7-8 years old.

 They go to different schools.

Some have blond hair.

Some have brown hair.

But they all love Jesus.

We had some treats.

We sipped lemonade from my favorite tea cups.

And we talked about what our twice a month gatherings will look like.

The Moms' desire is to start our little girls young in Godly community.

These little girls are going to need love, support, encouragement and friendship as they grow and we want to provide that for them now, so when they need it, it's already in place!

The girls got journals and pens so that they can write down prayer requests for one another 

and notes on what we discuss.  

We decided that the heart of our time together will be discussing what it means to be God's Girls. 

What does it mean to belong to God?

How should we dress as one of God's Girls?

How should we talk, treat others, serve others, view ourselves...

We will pray together.

And then we will play together!

It was a special evening and I can't wait to see how these little lives grow together over the years.

They Should Be Building Forts

A few weeks ago, I looked out the window and saw this!

An awesome fort that the children built, totally on their own.

They tied our "fort sheets" to the trees, secured them with jump ropes, and proceeded to bring out all their games into the fort!

It was awesome!

I tried to snap a few pictures without them seeing me!  

They were so magical.

They were playing Headbandz!

Just kids being kids

totally creative

totally pure

totally free.

Having children makes one reflect a lot on their own childhood.

I don't know about you, but children today seem very different than when I was a child.

My children participate in far too many conversations that are really just for the adults.

 I recall that as I child, I didn't really engage adults unless they asked me a question.

My children interject their opinions and ideas in situations that are totally none of their concern.

I never told my mother how to drive or what she should be making for dinner!

They are not really sassy about it, actually, they act too much like it's normal for them to participate in most areas of my life - like the moments that aren't for them to worry about!

I don't know where they learned this.

I don't really know when it began, but I know it has to change.

Not only is it slightly annoying, but their shoulders cannot bear the many decisions 

that adults must make in one day.

They cannot process grown up concepts, nor should they.

I confess, one thing that has come to mind is that perhaps I've included them in too many decisions.

I find myself getting in a rut about cooking 3 meals a day, 7 days a week, so I've taken to sitting down with them and asking what dinners they want for the week.

Seems like no big deal right?

What's the harm in my children telling me what meals they like, right?

Well, the truth is that I'm asking them because I can't make a decision!  I'm looking for their input because I need it.

As a child, I was only asked on special occasion what I wanted for dinner.

Other than that, my mother cooked and we ate.  It wasn't a child's responsibility to plan the weekly menu!

This is just one small area, but I see how I invite them in in far too many areas that seem innocent, but when compiled all together, it's too much for little people to handle!

Asking their opinion on too many things, blurs lines and almost puts us all on the same level.

But then kids don't have the freedom to be kids.

They start to worry about stuff that shouldn't concern them at all!

When really, they should be building forts.

We've made the decision, my husband and I that is!, that we are going to consciously step up and make decisions and not include the children on so much of the process.  At least not at this age.

(my children are 4 and 7)

What do you think?

Do you experience some blurred lines and the ill-effects of it?

Dutch Baby Pancakes

When our friends came over to watch Anne of Green Gables,

we made these delicious blackberry and raspberry Dutch Baby Pancakes for breakfast.

In the oven, they puff up about 2-3 times the size of the ramekin!

It's so much fun to watch them rise and not spill over!

They are delicious served warm with maple syrup and fresh berries.

I highly recommend you try these this weekend!!!

Dutch Baby Pancakes

Recipe based off Williams-Sonoma

Ingredients:

6 Tbsp. buter

4 large eggs

1 c. milk

1 c. flour

1 Tbsp. sugar

1 tsp. vanilla

fresh berries of your choice

powdered sugar for dusting

Directions:

1.  Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.  Have ready 6 10oz. ramekins or 4 5 inch pie tins.  Divide the butter evenly among the dishes and place dishes on a cookie sheet and place in the oven.

2.  While the butter is melting, crack the eggs into a blender.  Blend on low speed for 1 minute.  While the motor is running, gradually pour in the milk,then the flour.  Blend until smooth.  Add the sugar and vanilla, and blend once more.

3.  Remove dishes from the oven and using a pastry brush, lightly brush the butter over the bottom and sides of the ramekin.  carefully pour equal amounts of batter into each dish.  Don't worry if it doesn't look like much, it will puff up!  Add a few berries (2-3 depending on how big they are).  Bake until golden and puffed up, 17-19 minutes.

4.  Transfer dishes to a serving plates and serve while they are hot.  Dust with powdered sugar and serve with syrup and berries.

Enjoy!

Preconceived Ideas

I talked to a mom yesterday who is considering homeschooling her oldest son in the fall.  

She has 3 boys - 4 months, 2, and 4 1/2

Having just dropped off the 2 year old at his first day of preschool, she seemed a bit unsure about that decision and perhaps a little guilty for putting him in preschool.

She was quick to tell me that he'd only be there 3 hours for 2 days a week.

There were only 3 other children in the class.  

The preschool is where her husband is a 4th grade teacher.

Sensing her guilt, I told her that it was ok.  

Having 3 boys 4 and under must be difficult and tiring and it was perfectly fine to let the little boy go to preschool a few days so Mommy can rest a bit and just be with the other two boys.

She sighed.  "Thank you.  I needed to hear that."

We went on to share how we feel like everyone is watching to see if we can handle 3 kids.  

Will we make it?  

Will we survive?

We have all these preconceived ideas before we have kids.  Then once they come along, and our ideas were wrong, we put ourselves through the ringer with guilt and shame that we're not doing it right!

It's tragic.

I remember when I was pregnant with our twins.  They were my first babies and I had made up my mind that my babies would not have pacifiers.  Somehow, I determined that pacifiers were bad and my children would not use them.

After my 4 pound babies were born at 34 weeks, they were whisked away to the NICU.

I remember going into the NICU the next day and there was a pacifier in my baby's incubator.

I was mortified.  I asked who had given them pacifiers and the doctor came over to talk to me.

He said they are so tiny and have no way to soothe themselves when they are upset and sucking soothes babies.  So why wouldn't I give them pacifiers so they could be soothed?  Also, at 34 weeks, they were unable to suck, swallow, and breathe, and using a pacifier would help them learn to suck and strengthen those necessary muscles.

Hmmm - goodbye preconceived ideas!

~~~~~~~~~

I'm going to make all my own baby food.

I'm only giving my child only all organic food.

I have to breastfeed.

My children nap everyday at 1pm (not 1:05!)

I will homeschool all my children when they are school age.

My children will all go to private school.

I will never spank my children.

~~~~~~~~~~

And the list goes on!

We make our minds up about parenting (or marriage or home ownership or careers) before it is our reality and then when reality hits and we can't keep up with our rules and declarations of how things should be, we kill ourselves with guilt and shame.

Or worse yet, we still try to keep all the balls in the air so no one sees us failing and we have a breakdown. (see my post here about breaking down!)

I think this happens most frequently in women and especially in mothers.

We put so much pressure on our selves and it can end up killing us in so many ways.

Killing our spirit.

Killing our joy.

Killing our health.

Killing our relationships.

I ended my conversation with the mom by telling her that back in the day, I had several jobs that I was totally unqualified for.  When I got a job at E! Entertainment Television, I knew that there were file cabinets filled with resumes of qualified candidates who had studied communications or PR in college and I got picked above all of them.  Why?  Because God had a plan to share His love with some people at E! and He chose me to be His mouthpiece for a time. 

 God is not bound by resumes!

And when I got the job in Seattle as the Associate Director of University Ministries, I knew there were almost 100 other applicants who were far more qualified than I was.  They had way more experience.  They were extremely gifted.  Yet I got the job above them all.  Why?  Because God had a plan to bring some healing in my life and bless me with Godly mentors and that was to take place in Seattle.  

God had a plan for me and no other more qualified candidate was going to change that.

You see, God is greater than our preconceived ideas and our failures when we can't keep our own rules!

He has a plan for each one of us and 

He has a plan for our children.

We can no more make that plan happen by feeding them only homemade organic baby food, than we can destroy it by giving them a pacifier!

God is going to accomplish His purpose in our children regardless of what we do or don't do.  

I'm not saying that making your own organic baby food is bad or wrong!  

Nope. 

 Just saying that you can't feel guilty if one day you feed them from a jar.  

You haven't messed them up for life!  

And you are not a bad mom!  

Did you hear that?

You are not a bad mom!

Stop beating yourself up with what you should be doing and what you think is best that at the moment seems unattainable and just surrender to the Master.

He will accomplish great things through you if you'll lay down your preconceived ideas and allow His ideas to guide you as a mom, a wife, an executive and a beloved son or daughter.

Receive grace today.

Anne Girl

Have you seen Anne of Green Gables?

No?

Stop everything now and go buy it!

Yes, buy it.  Because you'll be hard pressed to find it anywhere to rent - not even Amazon!

How do I know this?

Well... it all started with a little invitation to our sweet Twin Friends to come for breakfast, pjs and Anne on Saturday morning.

The girls were due to arrive at 8am (!) for our 4 hour movie marathon, and at 7:30 I turned on the TV to get the movie up and ready.

With the many renting options, I never in a million years thought I wouldn't be able to get

Anne of Green Gables.

On Demand, Hulu, Amazon... you name it, they don't have it!

WHAT?

I quickly texted the girls to see if they owned the movie and they did!

on VHS!

We no longer own a VCR, so that was no good.

What in the world was I going to do?

I had a bunch of yummy breakfast foods prepped

Like Dutch Baby Pancakes with blackberries and raspberries...

They came over anyway, determined that there must be a way!

Vimeo had it in 15 minutes increments (the whole movie is 4 hours long!)

so we could piece it together!

We tried and tried, but couldn't get that to work on our TV.

Finally, one of the girls offered to run back home and get her laptop and speakers and bring it back to watch on her computer!

Are we crazy or what?

Then guess what?  

That kept timing out and failing us!

Somehow the girls kept smiling as the burning desire to watch Anne helped us press on!

I made some phone calls and found out that Barnes and Noble had the movie and I rushed out to buy it!

Now 10am, 2 hours after our guests had arrived, we properly started the movie!

And all was well.

Let me just say I learned a few things that morning:

1.  My father was right, "proper prior planning prevents pitifully poor performance"! 

 I should have checked on the movie the night before!

2.  Where there's a will, there's a way!

Those girls were not willing to give up no matter what!

Their determination to watch Anne resulted in us finally watching the movie, against all odds!

3.  Lastly - somethings in life are worth fighting for.

Watching Anne of Green Gables is one of them!!!

Happy Monday

Lessons in Love - All of My Mind

I mentioned at the beginning of the month that my word for 2014 is LOVE.

I'm compelled to understand what it truly means to "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength."  Deuteronomy 6:5



In the gospels, Jesus quotes this verse from Deuteronomy, with some different words:

Jesus replied, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind."  Matthew 22:37

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength."  Mark 12:30

He answered, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind; and Love your neighbor as yourself."

Luke 10:27

These are a collection of verses that is Jesus' response to the question,

"Of all the commandments, which is the most important?"

LOVE

As I've been praying about this desire of mine to truly LOVE God with all my heart, soul, mind and strength, I've been struck with loving God with all my mind.

I often struggle with bad thoughts.

I find myself having "fake" conversations with no one when I'm getting ready in the morning or driving in the car.  I might be defending an argument I had the night before with my husband, pleading my case to an imaginary person.  Or rehashing a conversation with a girlfriend that I greatly disagreed with. My mind becomes filled with negative thought towards others.  Judgement.  Arrogance.  It's all clutter.

As I read "LOVE God with all of your mind," I quickly realized that loving God with all of my mind means all of my thoughts being pointed towards God.  My "fake" conversations with no one are rarely pointed towards God and loving Him.

If I love God with all of my mind, all of my thoughts must be on Him.

In 2 Corinthians 10, Paul talks about the divine power we have to demolish strongholds in our lives - sin that entangles us.  "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." 

Taking captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ - loving God with all of my mind means every thought being held captive by Christ - not allowing my mind to wander to negative "fake" conversations, judgement, fear, anger...

Lord Jesus, hold every thought captive in obedience to you today, Amen

Above The Sun

Our pastor has been doing an amazing series on Ecclesiastes.

The first week, he pointed out how the writer of Ecclesiastes laments about life "under the sun."

"What does man gain from all his labor at which he toils under the sun?"

"What has been will be again, what has been done will be done again;

there is nothing new under the sun."

When we live "under the sun," we live trapped by life, under it's demands and shortcomings.

But life beyond the sun, above the sun, is lived with God and from His perspective.

Yesterday he addressed the end of chapter 6 where Solomon comes to the end of himself.  He cannot change, he cannot increase, he cannot explain why - he has reached the end of himself and finds all meaningless under the sun.

When we reach the end of our self, we are done.

He words hit me, "I'm done."

How many times have I felt that way about my children?

"I'm done."

Their endless bickering, arguing over things that don't matter or even exist, the constant up and down from the table, the multiple requests to brush their teeth, "she touched me," "he's on my side,"

 "I got this first!"  

Everyday.

The same thing.

I'm done.

As my pastor talked about feeling "done" when you come to the end of yourself, living under the sun, I quickly realized that I have come to the end of myself with my children.  The end of my battle against them.  The end of my ideas of discipline.  The end of my lectures.  The end of my patience!

I've been living under the sun with my kids and getting rather frustrated as
I've come to the end of my rope!

But what about above the sun?

What about God's perspective?

What about the meaning and purpose God breathes into parents

from above the demands and limits of this world?

When I am trapped under the sun and thinking of my children with an earthly perspective, in the whining and complaining of the moment, I am quickly frustrated and done!

But if I live above the sun with a heavenly perspective of my children, I know they are God's precious creation and God has empowered me to love them, guide them and train them up in the way they should go.  God has given me His Spirit to guide me and counsel me in my parenting and with His help, I am not trapped and frustrated, but can properly discipline my children and point them to Jesus.

That's my challenge for this week -

Live ABOVE the sun as a Mom.



The Haunting

My son started back to school on Monday.

So sad for me because I know this begins his final months of pre-school. 

 Kindergarten begins in the fall for my littlest one.

I'm not ready to let go of the littlest one.

My girls don't start back until the end of the month, so I've been taking the past few days to start to review what they've been taught for the past 4 months.

At first I'm amazed.

I'm encouraged.

They have learned so much and recall even more!

Then it starts to slip.

  Things they don't remember.

Things they don't understand.

I start to get discouraged.

I doubt.

I'm overwhelmed.

What in the world am I doing?

As the day turns into the evening, almost all I see around me feeds my doubt, fear and sense of being overwhelmed.

Drawers that need to be cleaned out.

Piles on the counters that need to be put away.

The kids' rooms.

They play room.

My room.

Laundry.

Dishes.

My closet.

I'm completely overwhelmed.

I'm incapable.

And then the haunting comes.

Since I've been on the other side of my struggle with anxiety, I have moments of what I call "the haunting."

Fleeting thoughts in the car or at the table or walking at the park.

Thoughts that really have no words I can articulate.

The haunting almost brushes my cheek or seizes a beat of my heart.

The haunting takes my breath away for only a moment, and I fear, "Is it happening again?"

It's almost like a sweet smell that beckons you away from your diet.

Will you fall for it?

Although it is not sweet at all. 

It is the memory of a season gripped by fear.

A season of being highly incapable and not knowing what each moment might bring.

And I wonder.

Is it happening again?

As I laid in bed, the haunting came gently, leaving me gasping for air and shaking my head to dismiss it.

I started to spin downward as I recalled all the events of the day and my feelings of inadequacy.

I somehow recall Dave Eubanks.

About 15 years ago I co-led a team of college students on a mission trip to Thailand and Burma.

Dave is an ex- Army Ranger and a missionary in Thailand.

His stories of adventure through the jungles, being shot at as he brought supplies and medicine to Burmese refugees were riveting.

In the midst of extreme, heroic stories, he would speak what seemed to be random, yet profound truths.

"When you marry, if you marry, only settle for someone who each day when you wake up and see them, you're amazed that they would want to be with someone like you."

Where did that come from?

What did that have to do with college students in Burma?

Yet I remember those words to this day.

As I laid in bed and my thoughts of failure were being spurred on by the haunting, I remembered Dave.

I wish I could more specifically remember the story, but the heart of it I recall.

He was out on a run (always pushing the physical limits of his body) and towards the end of the run he felt like he couldn't make it.  I don't know if the weather was a factor, the mere distance of his run, or mental doubt, but he was waning in his efforts to make it back home.

He had a choice.  To press on or give up.

He decided to start praising God instead of complaining and entertaining thoughts of self doubt.

He started to thank Him for everything.

Before he knew it, he was home.

I pulled out my journal and started to write down everything I could think of to thank God for.

One by one, holding the haunting at arms length.

Until finally, the truth broke through and the haunting was gone.

It's the same principle that Ann Voskamp writes about in "1000 Gifts".

"Gratitude is not only a response to God in good times — it’s ultimately the very will of God in hard times.

Gratitude isn’t only a celebration when good things happen. It’s a declaration that God is good no matter what happens."

The enemy wants to remind us of our past.

He wants us to be defeated by doubt and fear.

He wants us to be overwhelmed by all of our short-comings.

But thanksgiving ushers us into the presence of God.

Praise takes us right into the courts of His palace.

And trust me, there is no haunting in the presence of God.

Nor is there fear or doubt from the past in His palace.

I'm convicted all the more to take the challenge of counting 1000 gifts that God gives. 

I've been so blessed and challenged by Ann's words over on her blog.

I highly recommend you check it out and drink from her daily wisdom.

A New Year of LOVE

Yesterday I got to kick off the new year in my most favorite way

at the ocean

alone

with a new journal.

It was a stunning day, clear skies, bright blue expanse reflecting the sea below.

Calm, placid waters.

Dolphins leisurely bobbing about with seemingly no place in particular to go.

It was quiet

simple

and still.

I sat and first read Ann Voskamp's reflection for the day which only inspired me more and fueled my excitement for this new year.

I sat with my beautiful journal that a dear friend bought me for my 40th birthday and heard the crack of the binding as I opened it for the first time.

A new journal

A new year

I began in my traditional fashion, recalling the highlights of the year that had only ended 7 short hours earlier.

Redemption.

In so many ways, 2013 was a year of redemption for me.

God took was had been stolen from me and gave it back 10 fold.

God gathered the broken pieces and fashioned something new.

He whispered truth.

There were challenges and struggles as well,

but in those God only reminded me to trust Him all the more as He pointed me back to the previous years and pointed out His faithfulness that pulled me through and would once again.

"Please focus me on the now," I paused to pray.

I was already spinning with ideas and thoughts about the new year and wanted to jump ahead!  

But I needed to be still and reflect on the year just ended.

At the start of 2013, sitting on that same beach a year ago, I wrote that I declared 2013 the year of pure JOY.

One thing I learned through the challenges of 2011 and 2012 was that God's love for me never changed, regardless of my pain and struggles.  So why should my joy change?

Pure JOY was 2013.

And reflecting back on last year, it was just that - Pure JOY.

Now to 2014

it will be the year of LOVE.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength."  Deuteronomy 6:5

To LOVE God with all my heart, soul and strength - I want to know what the really means.

To LOVE others as myself - I want to know what that really means.

*********************************

The final days of 2013

 

Thumbs up in 2014!

Christmas Card

Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas!

I wanted to share our Christmas card with you all and wish you a

Merry Christmas

and

Happy New Year!