Brave

Happy New Year!

2016

As is my tradition, I spent the morning of January 1, 2016 on the beach alone.

I've done this for as many years as I can remember - my time to reflect on the year that just ended and look ahead to the one just beginning.

With my journal, Bible and thermos of hot tea, I sat and stared at the placid ocean before me.

I got out and began to walk on the shore and happily enjoyed what Winter does to the beach -
the sand changes, little cliffs form, and bigger rocks and shells scallop the water's edge.

I looked down to see some larger than normal pieces of sea glass.

Pure treasure.

There was the normal green and brown glass, but I also spotted some unusual clear glass that had become frosted with the days of being worn down by the sand and sea.

"What must have broken to cause such large pieces of sea glass?"
I wondered.

The brown and green glass - beer bottles we all assume!

But the large pieces of clear glass?

What has to break to make such beautiful things?

That very question stuck with me as I walked.

Of course God makes beauty out of ashes, He redeems and makes all things new.

He takes our broken pieces and makes something beautiful out of them.

But what if breaking is intentional from the start, in order to create something beautiful?

Not just redeeming the brokenness, but purposing the breaking?

I sought the clear glass as I continued to walk, thrilled at each discovery!

When I got back to my car, I pulled out my journal and began reflecting on 2015.  But I also pondered 2016 in light of that question, "What has to break to make something beautiful in my life?"

I've had some ideas, dare I say "dreams," about some things but I'm a little insecure about them.

I don't know how to accomplish these dreams.

I'm afraid. 

What needs to break to make something beautiful in my life?

The strongholds of fear and insecurity that paralyze me - that's what needs to break!

As I journaled and reflected, my "one word" for 2016 came to me.

My one word for the year was hanging around my neck:

Brave

I saw this necklace, created by two beautiful women, that simply says "Brave"

When I read the inspired verse on Rebekah Gough's website, I knew I had to have it

"But you, GOD, shield me on all sides; You ground my feet, you lift my head high; With all my might I shout up to GOD, His answers thunder from the holy mountain."
Psalm 3:3-4

 the Shield Collection was done in collaboration with Goldpress Paper and lettered by the amazing Alisha Sanvicens (who was a student in my college ministry).

I asked for it for Christmas and when I opened it,
I just knew it was more than a piece of jewelry for me.

This is my badge to wear this year.

I will not be bound by fear or insecurities.

By the power of God within me, I will break these strongholds and be Brave and watch beautiful things come from my life this year.

Content

 

 

Just after Christmas a word popped into my head for the New Year. 

 Many years ago I talked to a friend who always adopts a word for the new year - listen, try harder (that's 2 words, I know!), rest... and I thought that was so cool.  But as I sat and tried to think of my word for the new year, I panicked with the pressure of choosing the right word!  So I let go of the whole "word for the new year" thing!  Until a few years back when I was sitting at Westward Beach, partaking in my New Year's tradition of sitting at the beach alone recapping the year that just ended and looking forward, prayerfully, to the one just beginning.  It was that day that God impressed a word upon my heart for that new year, or phrase rather, "Be strong & Courageous."  Little did I know that I was entering the start of a 2 year battle with loss and anxiety.  God knew what He was doing that day - encouraging me to be strong and courageous for what was yet to come!

 

Since then, I have been grateful that on my traditional New Year's Day at the beach, God has given me a word for the year. 

This year it came early! 

 

Content

 

That was the word the came like a lightening bolt, striking my heart.  Content.

 

Being a former perfectionist, I've been programmed to always be looking for things to be better, stronger, faster, more productive...  Nothing wrong with striving for better things in life, but taken to an extreme, it can kill you!  Also, there can be an undercurrent of discontentment that always drives someone to have a wandering eye or change things and "make them better." Towards the end of 2014 I began to see how discontentment has crept into many areas of my life - family, friends, home décor, church, me... 

 

If we are always looking for something other than we've been given,

we miss out on the gift that is right now. 

 I realized that I've been missing out on a lot!

 

2015 is the year that I'm going to be content. Not because I'm going to suppress any desires I have for something new or different, but because I'm going to trust that God is for me, has my best in mind, and He has given me all I need in this moment.

 

Psalm 23  "The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want."

He is sufficient.  He is all I need and all I want.

Content

 

Happy 2015!

A New Year of LOVE

Yesterday I got to kick off the new year in my most favorite way

at the ocean

alone

with a new journal.

It was a stunning day, clear skies, bright blue expanse reflecting the sea below.

Calm, placid waters.

Dolphins leisurely bobbing about with seemingly no place in particular to go.

It was quiet

simple

and still.

I sat and first read Ann Voskamp's reflection for the day which only inspired me more and fueled my excitement for this new year.

I sat with my beautiful journal that a dear friend bought me for my 40th birthday and heard the crack of the binding as I opened it for the first time.

A new journal

A new year

I began in my traditional fashion, recalling the highlights of the year that had only ended 7 short hours earlier.

Redemption.

In so many ways, 2013 was a year of redemption for me.

God took was had been stolen from me and gave it back 10 fold.

God gathered the broken pieces and fashioned something new.

He whispered truth.

There were challenges and struggles as well,

but in those God only reminded me to trust Him all the more as He pointed me back to the previous years and pointed out His faithfulness that pulled me through and would once again.

"Please focus me on the now," I paused to pray.

I was already spinning with ideas and thoughts about the new year and wanted to jump ahead!  

But I needed to be still and reflect on the year just ended.

At the start of 2013, sitting on that same beach a year ago, I wrote that I declared 2013 the year of pure JOY.

One thing I learned through the challenges of 2011 and 2012 was that God's love for me never changed, regardless of my pain and struggles.  So why should my joy change?

Pure JOY was 2013.

And reflecting back on last year, it was just that - Pure JOY.

Now to 2014

it will be the year of LOVE.

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength."  Deuteronomy 6:5

To LOVE God with all my heart, soul and strength - I want to know what the really means.

To LOVE others as myself - I want to know what that really means.

*********************************

The final days of 2013

 

Thumbs up in 2014!

Twas the Night Before Christmas

This has been one difficult year.  I remember reflecting on 2011 and for the first time in my life thinking, “I just can’t wait until this year is over.  2012 has to be better than this!”  Today as I was out and about, finishing up the grocery shopping for Christmas, I got tears in my eyes as I thought, “ 2011 was horrible, but 2012 topped it!  I’m declaring 2013 the year of redemption for me and my family.” 

That little baby that was born this time of year, the baby I wrote about the other day, his purpose in being born was so massive and if I spend my whole life trying to receive all that his birth gave, I will never get it all! 

 So much has been taken away from us in the past 2 years – what would have been our 4^th baby, a dear mentor and friend who went to be with Jesus, one of our favorite families who moved way too far away, my husband 4 days a week as he worked the grave yard shift, a beautiful Christmas dinner with friends and family, and this year, when I thought it couldn’t get any worse, so much more was taken away.  Through my debilitating anxiety, a lot was taken away from me.  Several speaking engagements were offered to me, something I’ve prayed for and dreamed of, but I was unable to accept them.  The opportunity to help in my daughters’ classroom was an impossibility for me.  Birthday parties, dinner dates, trips that required air travel, helping out in Sunday School, precious moments with my children – I couldn’t participate in any of them.  But more than moments or events, my confidence was taken away from me.

 I’ve always been very capable, and this last year I’ve been completely incapable of so much.  Feeling weak, powerless, sick and fearful left my foundation totally broken apart.  A precious friend told me that God gave her a verse for me,

“Unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain.  Unless the Lord watches over the city, the guards stand watch in vain.  In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for food to eat – for he grants sleep to those he loves.”  Psalm 127:1,2

A few foundations in my life were broken in 2012 and this verse taught me that I can try to rebuild and reclaim what has been broken and taken away, but I will be building on a faulty foundation.  God must heal and restore the broken foundations in my life and then He can rebuild a life that is stronger and better and will stand.

I’ve had to totally surrender all my everything.  Surrender my confidence.  Surrender my capability.  Surrender my ideas of the best ways to rebuild.  Surrender my dreams of a wonderful marriage.  Surrender my plans for my life.  Surrender.

As Christmas day rapidly approaches, like tomorrow!  I’ve been a little apprehensive as I’ve reflected on last Christmas when my nightmare with anxiety really got started.  I’ve been nervous and fearful that it’s going to happen again.  The mere memory haunts me.

But I’ve thought once again of that baby.  He came to break into time and reroute history.  His birth took the past and totally redirected the future.  He broke the pattern of what had always been to create a whole new beginning.  He stopped the waiting, longing and striving.  He stopped the fear and anxious wondering.  He stopped the world and started a life of freedom and fulfillment.

The prophet Isaiah said, “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.  He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.  They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.”  Isaiah 61:1-3

 

That little baby born in the barn, grew up to stand in the synagogue where he grew up and read from the prophet Isaiah, “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor.  He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”  Then he rolled up the scroll, gave it back to the attendant and sat down.  The eyes of everyone in the synagogue were fastened on him and he began by saying to them, “Today this scripture is fulfilled in your hearing.”  Luke 4:18-21

 

Jesus fulfilled the prophecy of Isaiah that one would come to give good news to the poor, give sight to the blind, release the oppressed and give FREEDOM to the prisoners.  He proclaimed the year of the Lord’s favor.  This is what I am receiving this Christmas.  I will not be afraid of tomorrow.  I will no longer be captive to fear.  I will not be oppressed by the evil one.  I’m trading despair for a garment of praise!  I’m trading the ashes of 2012 for the beauty of 2012!  I’m trading grief and mourning for the oil of gladness.

(I noticed that my reflection last year over 2011 included the same passage of scripture!  I guess I keep receiving and claiming the promises that Jesus came to give as each year the enemy tries to bring devastation, grief, pain and death. 

Little does he know that we keep trading his junk for the joy of Christ!!)

 

 Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

I will be back here in the new year! 

I hope you’ll join me in receiving all that this little baby came to give us.