I'm Not Impressed

Back when I started this blog I felt a clear calling to do it.  As I mentioned in my very first post, I knew almost nothing about the blogging world, but something inside me kept saying, “you need to start a blog.”  I did, and it was such a blessing to me.  It took me back to the days before children, before marriage, when I used to daily journal and reflect with God.  It also took me back to the days before marriage when I was in full time ministry and I had the privilege of sharing my faith with college students.  I felt that now as a stay at home mom, my blog became a new little ministry for me.  But somewhere along the way things have changed a bit.  The waters have become muddy.  My vision has faded.  My passion for ministry and connection to God through my blog has lessened.  As my eyes have been opened to this enormous world of blogging I have become distracted.  Would you believe that when I started just over a year ago I kinda thought that I was one of a small handful of Christian women blogging about Jesus?!!  Yea, that’s how little I knew!  Not to mention the millions of fabulous creative blogs about fashion, crafts, photography, parties and design that now keep me looking at me screen far too long theses days!  As I have enjoyed many other blogs, my thoughts have drifted to… “How can I get that many followers?  How can I be that creative?  How can I be that funny?  How can I be that inspiring?”  My passion for simply reflecting on Jesus in my daily life has turned into a quest to be bigger and better in the blog world.  And with that, my hunger to sit down three times a week and talk to God and praise Him for revealing Himself to me through the little things of motherhood, has become a bit of a chore.  I find that I don’t always have something to say on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.  I stress out if my post isn’t up first thing in the morning (which these days, it rarely is).  And sometimes it just isn’t as fun.  Now I could sit and beat myself up and look into all sorts of reasons why this is happening, but I know the real reason.  I know the true distraction.  I know what is pulling me off track and it isn’t my pride or desire to be famous!!!  It’s an enemy that quickly saw that this blog was connecting me deeper to my Maker.  He saw that this little blog was bringing me joy in my relationship with Jesus.  He noticed that one or two other people were being blessed by it and looking more toward Jesus and He didn’t like it!  It’s his pride and selfish desire to be famous that began to distract me, steal my joy, and pull me away from my love of Jesus, into my love of self.  But Satan, I’m not impressed!  I’ve figured you out and I’m not falling for it any more!