A summer romance series, chronicling my love story
After being led by my heart for so many years, it was now
strange to be led by my mind first. I
was always so in love with Roger – I was almost blind to reality. The reality of our differences. The reality of our faults. But in these months of his pursuit I was not
blinded by anything. I was seeing
everything clearly and almost just waiting for the feelings to come.
I remember waiting on pins and needles the day he was to
talk to my parents. I was so nervous for
him. It’s no secret that my father can
be a rather intense man and one of strong opinion. At least Roger had the advantage of being
larger than my father! Perhaps his
height would add a little intimidation (not likely)! Roger called me on his drive back to Sacramento and told me
that my father did not let him off easy.
My mother was mortified that my father essentially raked him over the
coals! But a good papa bear knows to
protect his littlest. I didn’t know this
then, but months later was told that at the end of the conversation my father
said, “we’ve talked about this, you are forgiven, and it is not to be brought
up again.” Roger replied, “the next time
I come to see you it will be to ask for your permission to marry your
daughter.”
Fall was here and in October I made the flight to California to see my
visiting Aunt and Uncle. Roger came down
to my parents’ house as well and we all spent the weekend together. It was a wonderful time and I had a new
confidence in him. I was still so
impressed that he boldly talked to my parents and still wasn’t shaken to the
point that he’d come spend the weekend with them. I had a peace that this time he was not
changing his mind. At the end of the
weekend, Roger took me to the airport to fly back to Seattle.
At the curb he hugged me and said that he loved me. “I love you too,” I said for the first
time. He looked at me, welled up with
tears and said, “you’ve made me the happiest man in the world.”
It would be another month or so before we’d be together at
Thanksgiving. A week prior to that, he
paid my parents another visit – probably the most important visit of his
life. My mom knew what was coming so she
baked a chocolate cake in the shape of a heart!
He was given my parents’ full blessing to marry me and now it was just a
matter of time.
About that same time I was driving to Northern
Washington to speak at a weekend retreat. As I drove, I prayed. I prayed for the weekend and the students
that would attend. I prayed for the
words I would speak. And then I prayed
that God would forgive the selfishness in my life. Something I’ve always struggled with is
selfishness and as I prayed for forgiveness, God showed me that on my own, I
will always struggle with being selfish.
But only when my selfishness starts to hurt someone else will I
change. At that moment God spoke to me
and told me that He was calling me to marry Roger and be purified through our
marriage. Perhaps you’ve heard it said,
“what if marriage isn’t to make us happy, but to make us holy?” I would completely agree that God uses
marriage to refine us and make us more who He wants us to be.
After Thanksgiving I received a card in the mail. Roger had told me to reserve the second
weekend in December, but I didn’t know why.
Well, I acted like I didn’t know why!
The card had specific instructions which also included
buying new clothes for the weekend! I
just couldn’t believe that all this was happening. There was a flight number, with no
destination listed, and I was to go to the airport and board the plane without
knowing where I was going! It was so
exciting and romantic. Of course I
dreamed that perhaps I was flying to Paris or
maybe New York! But then I realized that Southwest doesn’t
fly to France!
On Friday, December 12th, 2003 I went to the
airport and flew to Sacramento
where Roger was waiting for me. Not
exactly Paris,
but it was where he was and that was all that mattered. I was wearing a new outfit, of course, and
was surprised to see that he was sporting a new hair style – he shaved his
head! We went to dinner with some of his
old friends who I hadn’t met before and I knew I was there on approval. Later we returned to his home and sat on the
couch and talked for a long time. In the
course of that conversation I did it. I
said those unimaginable words. “I’m not
sure if I want to get married.” He
hadn’t asked, but we all knew what I was doing there that weekend. This was it – he flew me down to
propose. And I sabotaged it. I remember him looking at me and saying,
“well, you’d better figure that out real quick.” My heart sank. What nerve I had to throw that out there at
this point. The truth is, I was scared.
He stayed at a friend’s house. I slept alone at his house and in the morning
he came and told me to pack my bags, we were leaving. I thought he might be driving me back to the
airport! But he said, “let’s just have
fun this weekend.” He began driving and
soon we were crossing The Bay Bridge, “San
Francisco must be our destination,” I thought. As we got to the toll booth the attendant
looked into our car and asked, “are you married?” Roger awkwardly laughed and said, “no.” “You will be soon and after a year you will
have a child.” He said some other things
that left us both wide eyed and shocked!
Who was that man? Was he an angle? Was he drunk?
We were speechless.
Roger pulled up to the Mark Hopkins Hotel in San Francisco and as the
valet opened our car door and asked, “are you staying with us sir?” I was stunned that Roger immediately said,
“yes.” What? This was part of the plan? Staying in the city? I was blown away – almost as much as when he
got 2 rooms! What a perfect gentleman. We got settled and then walked over to the Fairmont to see their
Christmas decorations. The city with
bustling with holiday energy and my heart was rapid with nerves and excitement.
After window shopping, he told me to rest up because we had
big plans that night.
I was to dress
up.
Growing up, my mom used to take me
to the city at Christmas to see the San Francisco Ballet perform a matinee of The
Nutcracker.
It was always the highlight
of the holidays for me.
But I had never
been to the ballet at night until December 13
th.
I got all dressed up in my new fancy outfit
and he told me that he was taking me to the ballet!
I almost died!
At the War Memorial Opera House we sipped
champagne and got ready for the show.
I
was over the moon.
I’m pretty sure Roger
nodded off a few times, but it was magical.
A storm was coming up in the city and the wind was bending trees over
like blades of grass.
We got back to the
hotel and went to The Top Of The Mark for cocktails and a great view of the
chaos the storm was kicking up.
It was
late and as we made our way back to our rooms, Roger kissed me goodnight and
that was it.
He didn’t propose.
I was all dressed up, champagne, the ballet…
and he didn’t ask me to marry him.
He
missed it!
Or did I ruin it the night
before?
I laid in my bed wide awake.
Had I ruined everything? I hadn’t
slept the night before and now embarked on another sleepless night. I tossed and turned. I prayed and asked God for clarity. In the morning I wrote,
“Although my stomach has been pretty upset the whole time,
thinking he might propose, he hasn’t.
Finally last night, another sleepless night, I told God I needed some
answers as I’ve been worried and anxious and mostly scared that I might be
making a mistake that would impact the rest of my life. Mostly worried that I would be running out
apart from God, pursuing my dream and not His.
I prayed and asked for His will and His direction.”
I loved my life in full time ministry and I knew marrying
Roger would mean leaving my job in Seattle
and perhaps leaving ministry. I didn’t
want to walk away from college ministry to get married if it wasn’t God’s will
for me.
“Finally, never doubting my love for Roger or my desire to
be his wife, only fearful of sacrifices to be made, I prayed for an
answer. I got sleepy, the pit of my
stomach left, I laid back on the pillow, my eyes shut and God said, “Two are
better than one.” And I drifted off to
sleep. 2 are better than 1.”
It was about 5am when I fell asleep and was woken up by
Roger calling a few hours later. “Turn
on the news,” he said. “They’ve captured
Saddam Hussein.” It was December 14th,
2003.
