Make Out Monday - Intentional Date

Earlier this year I did a series on my blog called Intentional Family.  Within that series there was a sub series called Intentional Marriage.  It's so easy to get busy taking care of children and "life" and our marriages get put on the back burner.  Then, after a few years pass, we can discover that our spouse is more like a roommate or friend than lover and partner.  It's important to keep our marriage a priority, even when we're in survival mode with children and tired and overwhelmed and...  there is always an excuse!  But our spouse is our first ministry, above the children and housework.  We must be intentional with our marriages or we won't thrive.  I know this because that's where we're at right now.  We've been surviving for a long time, but we both want something more.  We want to thrive.  We've long become roommates and friends, but we want more out of our marriage than that.

 

Because of that, we decided to take an intentional trip together.  We went up to Yosemite for 3 days to take long hikes together.  To be outside in God's magnificent creation and be overwhelmed by Him - not by our lives and the mess it's become.  To see mountains, rocks and trees that were so massive, they dwarfed our mistakes and shortcomings.  We were reminded that God is so much greater.  God has great things for our marriage and He has the power to change us!

 

We hiked through the Giant Sequoias and enjoyed the crisp air and the giant trees that blew our minds!  We read about one tree and decided to extend our hike to see this tree in person.

 

These massive trees grow to such great heights because they join forces.  They grow close together and share resources.  Some actually fuse their root together underground so they have a stronger foundation.  One such pair in this grove is called The Faithful Couple.  They've actually grown together and the 2 became 1 tree.  I knew I had to see this couple in person!

We had to hike for at least another hour before we got there.  The signs along the way seemed to be misleading, ".6 miles to the Faithful Couple."  20 minutes later, ".8 miles to the Faithful Couple."  WHAT?  It's getting father away?  It didn't make sense.  When we saw one couple coming down on the trail we asked them if the Faithful Couple was up ahead.  They said, "yes, keep going."  Time passed and we saw another couple, "Is the Faithful Couple up this way?" we asked.  "Yes, it's just around the corner," they answered.  But it wasn't "around the corner."

Everyone had a different idea of how far the hike was to get to the Faithful Couple!

For those hiking up to the Faithful Couple, it seemed to take forever and it seemed as though the path was getting longer and longer!  But for those who had arrived and were traveling onto something else, it felt like it was "just around the corner."



Finally, we arrived!

I couldn't capture in a photo how massive and amazing this tree, or pair of trees really is.

The couple is very old and has weather several fires and storms together.  There are scars all over the couple that give testimony to a rough journey they've survived.

Yet they are together.  Growing stronger and taller every year.  They are stronger together than they are on their own.

2 are better than 1.

 

 

At the end of my life, I want to be known as a faithful couple.  We're weathering fires and storms right now, but we have the choice to fuse together and share our resources or grow apart.  We've decided to buckle up and hold on tight - we're growing together no matter what.

The enemy seeks to destroy marriages.  He is crafty and sly.  He creeps into areas of our lives that are tiny cracks and he patiently waits for those cracks to split open in tough times and he's right there, ready to offer a quick fix or solution that in the end offers more pain.  He knows our weaknesses.  But if we fuse together as husband and wife, build one another up in the truth of Jesus and fuse together, we are stronger than the lies of the enemy. 

God is so much greater and God loves marriage!  He wants us to succeed!

 

 

The journey of marriage can seem long sometimes.  It can feel like others are leaping though without problem or frustration.  Sometimes it appears that there is no hope.

But that is the time to get closer, fuse together, share some great resources and watch God heal, restore, rebuild and renew your marriage.

 

The theme for November's Make Out Monday is

Intentional Date

 

If you can get away for a few days, DO IT!  If that is not realistic, then have dinner at home or go out prepared with some intentional questions to ask your spouse.

1.  What is a healthy foundation for marriage?

2.  What does God say about marriage?

3. What are our values for marriage?

4.  What are our goals for our marriage?

 

Spend some time praying together and make some new commitments

to thrive together and not just survive!

 

Here is a great sermon series on marriage that was recommended to me

http://sermons.redeemer.com/store/index.cfm?fuseaction=category.display&category_ID=6&Name=marriage&monthrecorded=&yearrecorded=&scripture=&speaker=all&messagetype=&SKUsearch=&sort=DateNew&=go&CFID=4653124&CFToken=51774270 

 scroll to the bottom for the series on Marriage.

Perhaps your date can be listening to a message and discussing it.

Also, Family Life does great marriage retreats all over the country throughout the year.  We went to one a few years ago and loved it!

http://www.familylife.com/events/featured-events/weekend-to-remember

Find a retreat close to you and make it a priority to work on your marriage!

You Are Loved

I had a little birthday a few weeks ago and I got to spend it up at my childhood home with my parents, brother and my children.  Sadly, Daddy Bear was back down in LA working!  But when we returned, he had a little celebration planned for us!  I felt so loved.

This was one of the fabulous gifts he gave me!

 LOVE IT!

 And... My husband is an amazing artist and has made these large wood signs that we hang over our fireplace. I love them! 

For summer, I had asked him to make one that speaks of the verse:

Matthew 5:16
In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.

Shine.  Shine out your light.  Shine like the summer sun.

Here is what he came up with!

LOVE IT!

My birthday kinda marks the middle of the summer and at this point I start to worry that it’s going too quickly and there is still so much more that I wanted to do and haven’t yet!  I feel a sense of urgency to get it all in before school starts!  Last summer I was prepared.  I had a wonderful time memorizing scripture with my children, doing our chore charts and prize baskets, making crafts, going to the beach every Tuesday…  I felt very prepared and we did so many fun things while being relaxed and casual.  It was one of the first times in my life that I felt on my game as a mom and it was awesome!

 This summer came while I was already on the ground, sucking for air.  My girls’ first year in school left me exhausted, stressed and overwhelmed.  Sounds dramatic, but in many ways, it was a dramatic year (for reasons that will not be shared here!).  We’ve already had some wonderful summer fun from VBS, dance recitals, Grammie Camp, Uncle Camp and lots of visitors, but as school is just 4 short weeks away, I’ve been thinking about how I can be intentional with the rest of our summer. 
We're going to memorize a verse a week until school starts.

 I sat and thought, “What do I want my girls to know before they start 1^st grade?  What is most important for them to grab hold of and know deep down?”

And it hit me -

They are loved!

What could be more important than that?  They must know that they are dearly loved by their family, but more importantly, by God.  So the verse we are memorizing this week is:

The Lord your God is with you,

he is mighty to save. 

He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love,

he will rejoice over you with singing.

Zephaniah 3:17

Isn’t this a great verse that tells how much we are loved by God?

How are you being intentional with the rest of your summer?

Intentional Marriage - You Reap What You Sow

Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows.

Galatians 6:7

We reap what we sow. It’s purely common sense. This principle relates to every area of our lives – if we eat tons of unhealthy food (sow junk food) we will be overweight and miserable (the harvest of junk food). If we are sarcastic with our children and easily exasperated with them (sowing seeds of bad attitudes) we will have disrespectful, sassy children (the harvest of a bad example).

I am so grateful for the teachers and mentors in my life. Recently, one of my teachers talked about how we can misname harvest in our lives for circumstances. In marriage we can say, “we’ve grown apart.” But that is not a circumstance of our marriage, it is a harvest of sowing very little seeds of quality time together. “We’re so busy with the children right now, we almost live like roommates!” That is not a circumstance of having children, it is the harvest of not making your spouse your priority above the children.

We are constantly sowing seeds into our marriage, whether we intend to or not. Each choice we make is a seed we’re planting. How we greet our spouse in the morning, how we respond to an unkind word, the expression on our face, how we speak of our spouse in public, surprising our spouse with a special date night, leaving our spouse their favorite snack on the seat of their car… all of these things are seeds that we sow into our marriage and in due time, they will yield a harvest – some good, some not so good.

Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.

2 Corinthians 9:6

This verse is very convicting to me. Sow generously! I know that I want to reap a bountiful harvest in my marriage, but a bountiful harvest requires a lot of work – and not just one day of work, but a lifetime of it! The process of farming is simple, yet very involved and a lot of consistent work. The soil must be properly prepared, the seeds planted at a specific time, the ground nurtured and cared for so that the seeds have a healthy environment to grow in. Rocks, weeds, animals and pests must be removed daily so that they don’t kill the seeds that have been planted. Once the seeds start to grow, some need to be pruned to stay healthy. There is a lot involved in the process of growing things, but if we stay committed, we will reap a wonderful, healthy harvest in time.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.

Galatians 6:9

God will not be mocked! We will not sow selfishness and discontentment and reap a joyful, healthy marriage. God will not be mocked.

Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life.

Galatians 6:8

As I have observed, those who plow evil and those who sow trouble reap it.

Job 4:8

Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.

James 3:18

Last week my husband and I went away for 3 days together to the central coast of California. We stayed at a precious little Inn on the ocean with a wonderful patio where we sat for hours, cuddled on a love seat, watching the waves and seagulls.

Our Inn packed us a picnic breakfast each morning that we took on a walk

and stopped to enjoy along the sea.

During our days we went antiquing (my favorite), wine tasting (his favorite), olive oil tasting, and finished with some amazing meals. It was a wonderful time of sowing good seeds into our souls and our marriage. On our last day, I sat in the love seat and looked through the guest book journal that was in our room. I started to cry as I skimmed through entry after entry of couples who shared how rejuvenating their time was there. They laughed, had great conversations, cuddled, sat quietly… I could sense the rest in their words and I could feel the life giving memories they made. Seeds were sown. As I wrote my own entry, I included the passage that we all reap what we sow and I knew we would reap an abundant harvest from the seeds we sowed at that little Inn.

What do you want to get out of your marriage? What do you want to harvest down the road? What can you be planting now that will yield that crop? Remember, every choice you make with your words and your time are seeds you are sowing. Every dollar you spend, every place you go, every conversation you have are seeds you are sowing. Make a choice today to sow seeds into your marriage to please God and watch the fruit grow!

CHALLENGE: What are you currently harvesting in your marriage? Take some time to think about what you want to harvest out of your marriage and make a decision to plant seeds that will yield that harvest. Remember that hard work lies ahead and you won’t see the fruit of those seeds for some time, but don’t give up! God promises that at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we don’t give up!

This will be my last Intentional Marriage post for awhile. I pray that God richly blesses your marraige and protects it from the enemy. 

Next week I’m going to start a series on Monday where I’ll be sharing

a personal journey I’m currently on.

I hope you’ll join me!

Happy Monday!

Intentional Marriage - Make Out Monday

A few years back I was talking with some friends about the importance of the almighty “date night” but how hard it is to drop $50 on a sitter and then the dinner bill? One woman giggled and said that she and her friends do “Make Out Mondays” – where they swap babysitting for each other. The rules are: your kids have to be fed, bathed and put to bed, then your friend simply shows up to sit on your couch, watch TV, or nap while you go out with your man! Quite a deal! We started doing this with our neighbors and it was great. I loved my night of watching their children because I could sit in peace, uninterrupted and just be. 9 out of 10 times I completely fell asleep on their comfy couch! Removing the financial hindrance of a babysitter made going out much easier.

Last Summer, a blog I follow, issued a challenge to make a special date for your husband at home after the children go to bed. One idea was to do a “Pretty Picnic.” I did it and it was one of the best dates my husband and I have had… in our backyard! There are so many things that get in the way of spending alone time with our spouse and honestly, it seems like a grand effort to go out when all I want to do in the evenings is sit on the couch and go to bed early! But that alone time with our spouse, when we can have an uninterrupted conversation, is so important to the health and strength of our marriage.

So… I’m throwing out the challenge to all of you for the rest of the year. Once a month, take part in Make Out Monday. (It doesn't have to be on Monday, and making out is optional!) The first Monday of each month, I’ll post a theme for your date.  I'll share some ideas and then have fun getting creative as you make a special evening for you and your husband. If you want to save money on a sitter, see if you have a friend who will swap with you. If you want to skip the sitter altogether, create your own stay at home date after the children go to bed. Skip their naps and put them down early!

It is so important that we get intentional about creating time alone with our spouse. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. It doesn’t have to be for 5 hours. It just needs to happen consistently.

CHALLENGE:
February is half over, but there is still time! So the theme for your February Make Out Monday date is LOVE – simple as that! Have fun getting creative as you express love to your spouse this month. (love songs, love poems, most loved food, most loved dessert…)  Pick a day before the month is over and create a special date for that handsome LOVE of yours!

Intentional Marriage - The H Project

Today I'm so excited to have my very first guest post by my dear friend Gretchen.

6 years ago my husband officiated her wedding to her lovely husband Tom. 

They now have 2 adorable children and just moved to Chattanooga Tennessee, leaving us behind in Southern California where we miss them terribly!

Gretchen is a stunning woman of God who has a passion to get family right - most importantly, starting with her marriage.  Today she is going to share something special that has done great things for her marriage! 
Enjoy!

And let me make a little disclaimer before she gets started - this post is for women only!  So, if you are a husband, STOP reading now!  I mean it.  (Not sure if there are any other men that read this blog except my dad and husband!)

*************************************************************

The ‘H’ Project

A Valentine tradition just waiting to be made!!!

I am so thankful that Raeanne has opened her wonderful blog to this non-writer to share with all of you about something that has the potential to change your heart and your marriage.

If there is something that happened last year, that I can’t stop talking about, it is what has come do be known affectionately as “The H Project.” As I attempt to put down in words all that this project is my prayer is that you catch the H Project fever and your marriage and family reap the rewards.

Last year my heart was changed when I accepted an invitation to do The Husband Project “21 Days of Loving Your Man on Purpose and with a Plan” with two dear friends. As a Mommy of a one year old and a two year old, I needed all the help I could get.

When the book finally arrived I snuck away to thumb through it quickly (and privately). Now I know what you might be thinking, and no ladies, this isn’t a project about sex! (although there are bonus projects that you can do in that regards) but one of the keys of this project is that you do your projects secretly. There is something HEART CHANGING when you do something, covered in prayer, and simply because you love someone, not expecting anything in return.

Each of the 21 days involves a different type of project. One day you might be surprising your husband with his favorite dessert and insisting that he eat it ALL by himself. It probably seems like you should get a bite or two because he will want to share it with you, but there is something that changes inside your heart and his when you say, “No honey, I got that for you.” HEART CHANGING! Another day you may be asked to simply point out the amazing things he does. HEART CHANGING! Or perhaps you might give him the night or morning off by suggesting he stop and hit some golf balls at the driving range on his way home. HEART CHANGING! Not to mention post it notes…those little sheets hold a lot of potential. HEART CHANGING!

When I say HEART CHANGING I am talking about my own heart (although I am sure his was impacted too). You see, I have wonderful ways to express love, encouragement, and thankfulness to my love but they have usually been ways that come naturally to me. I was speaking in my love language. These projects opened my heart to his love languages, and stretched me to use love languages that aren’t as familiar or comfortable for me…I grew and my HEART CHANGED!

It is 21 days, covered in prayer, that will change your heart and your marriage.

Tips to making this project work.

1. Pick a team! I trust that God will provide two friends to join your team. Ask Him who they should be. You may not know but He does.

2. Order the book. If you all order the book together you can save on shipping. This Mommy likes a good deal!

3. Set up a planning meeting. This is a chance for your team to get together and plan out each of your activities for the next 21 days. It is fun to do it together and makes for easier accountability.

4. Set a start date! Do not put it off or it will never happen. We all have the best intentions and I guarantee that there isn’t a better time to start this than now.

5. Pray! What makes this project different then the rest is that you are doing this with God on your team. Each project comes with a prayer and that is HEART CHANGING!

6. Share the secret! Once you have finished the project share all that God has done and encourage others to get started.

7. Do it again! The Husband Project is something that you will want to do each year. Last year, I did it twice!!!

thanks Gretchie!

xoxoxox

CHALLENGE: Get the book and some friends and get started!

FLASHBACK QUESTION:  Are you upholding your husband with your words?

Intentional Marriage - Husband Bashing

"When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.

7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.

9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water."

James 3:3-12

The tongue is a powerful thing. Our words have such profound power. I think it’s sad that for some reason it has become ok or normal to bad mouth our husbands with one another. We take on a sarcastic tone and as we cut him with our words, somehow everyone ends up laughing and joining in. Husband bashing is almost like a fun secret past time for women and it’s becoming culturally acceptable in some ways. What appears to be female bonding over innocent, light hearted jabs at our husbands, is really a poison that begins a slow death.

My mom used to say when something was going wrong, “do you go to the phone? Or do you go to the throne?” Well… all too often, I go to the phone. It feels good to vent a bit and share with someone else my frustrations and anger. But when it comes to frustrations with my husband, going to the phone can be a spark that starts a forest fire. As women, we don’t want anyone to feel alone, and if a girl friend starts to bad mouth her husband to us and share her frustrations, it’s easy to join in.

A few weeks back I wrote about the importance of having a healthy community surrounding your marriage. The same goes for having healthy girlfriends to share marital frustrations with. There are certain friends we have that make husband bashing so easy, they’re almost like kindling to our spark. Those are often the friends we think of first to call when we’ve just had a fight or our husband did something that made us furious. And then there are friends, perhaps we’re lucky to have even one, who will gently cut us off in the midst of a rant and remind us to uphold our husbands with our words. A friend that will offer to pray, right then, for our marriage and not allow us to continue with our sharp tongue. A friend that listens and doesn’t encourage bashing. Do you have a friend like that? Are you a friend like that?

A little trick I do is to get in my car and go for a drive where I share my frustrations out loud to… my steering wheel! My rehashing of whatever happened with my husband often turns to a prayer where I’m asking God to forgive me for my part. Don’t get me wrong, there are times when I take my frustrations to the phone instead of the throne, but if I can get away in the car, I seem to advert the possible bashing.

The tongue has the power of life and death, and those who love it will eat its fruit.

Proverbs 18:21

The soothing tongue is a tree of life, but a perverse tongue crushes the spirit.

Proverbs 15:4

It’s just that powerful! Think about the word bash – to destroy or a party! Our words about our husband can be destructive to who he is, or they can be like a celebration of who he is.

The Bible tells us that out of the heart the mouth speaks. In the moment our heart has been wounded or upset, it’s easy to speak harsh words that can do far more damage than the initial incident with our husband. As women, let’s make a commitment to uphold our husbands in our words with one another. Let’s put an end to husband bashing and be the friend that redirects our sisters to the Lord when they are starting to say words they might later regret.

Intentional Marriage - Kids First?

As I’m about to post this, I just read of Heidi Klum and Seal’s separation.

Here is part of their statement:

“While we have enjoyed seven very loving, loyal and happy years of marriage, after much soul searching we have decided to separate," the joint statement read. "We have had the deepest respect for one another throughout our relationship and continue to love each other very much, but we have grown apart. This is an amicable process and protecting the well-being of our children remains our top priority, especially during this time of transition.”

Although I don’t know them and we never know the full story of what goes on in someone’s life – it breaks my heart to hear of a couple separating simply because they’ve grown apart. If we are keeping our spouse our priority, against the odds, then we can’t grow apart. And “keeping the children a top priority” seems natural, but really we must keep our spouse our top priority in our marriage. Anyhooch, onto my post today!

From the moment we have them, we are enamored by them. They are so tiny, soft, sweet smelling, gentle, peaceful – what’s not to love and obsess over? They seem so fragile and completely dependent upon us. In those first months of newborn life, we eat, breath, and sleep (not so much) this tiny being who in one moment radically changed our life. And really only one other person can completely understand and relate to this new love – our spouse. In those first months we gushed over our babies together. Their mere presence bonded us closer together and deepened our love for one another. And then real life set in.

My body naturally was tuned to these tiny beings and their every needs. When they were hungry, my milk came in. When they cried, I knew exactly what they were communicating. If there was a new spot or bump on their skin, I discovered it. My world quickly revolved around these precious people who captured my heart. Being so vulnerable and dependent upon us, how could we not put them first in every way?

But do they still come first when they are 2? When they are 5? When they are 15? What at first is a natural, unavoidable positioning of hierarchy, can easily become the new way of life. But that is dangerous. Especially to a marriage. Especially when there are multiple children. As moms we are in high demand! How many times a day do you hear, “Mommy”? Sometimes I wish I never heard that word again! But they look to us for everything and our natural response is to meet their needs. With three small children who call upon me endlessly, at 7pm when they are in their beds, I am done. I have nothing left within me but to turn on the TV and just stare. Every now and again I might get up the energy to go meet a girlfriend for a movie, but it is a grand effort! Oh yea, and then there is my husband. Um... what do I have left to offer him? When the kids come first in my life, that means everyone and everything else comes second.

You’ve heard it said, “The best way to love your kids is to love your spouse.” A healthy marriage and a strong commitment (not just in word) between husband and wife creates a safe environment for family. When the kids see mom and dad talking, laughing together, kissing, holding hands – everything is right in their universe. Their foundation is solid. There is nothing to fear. They gain extreme confidence. When mom and dad pass like ships in the night, live like roommates, barely exchange a word – there is less peace in the home and not as much stability for the children. Have you ever been in a minor disagreement with your spouse over something silly like “who took out the trash last week?” and you barely raise your voice yet the children jump in with, “STOP FIGHTING!” They don’t like any kind of discontent between their Mommy and Daddy. That is why we must NOT put the children first, but put our spouse first. Plus, that is God’s grand plan! In our lives we must put God first, then our spouse, then our children. If that order gets rearranged, then there is chaos.

So how do we practically put our spouse first when our children demand so much of our physical, mental and emotional being? We must become aware of who we put first and if it is not our spouse, then we need to have a little change of heart. We can schedule more time with our spouse on the calendar, but if they don’t come first in our hearts, then nothing has really changed. A change of heart leads to a change of attitude and a changed attitude results in a changed person. As Moms, sometimes I think there is a fear of letting go of the control of our children, trusting God with them, and meeting the needs of our spouse first. But when we do, there is nothing but blessing.

CHALLENGE:
Prayer – each morning ask God to focus your heart on your spouse.
Pray that God would open your eyes to see their needs that day and how you might bless them.
Pray that God would make you mindful of your spouse through the day. When you are thinking of your spouse during the day, it leads to little things like phone calls or texts, maybe when you’re at the grocery store and you see his favorite beverage or snack and you pick it up. Maybe that means you run and put on lipstick before he comes home from work! Sounds little and silly, but when you are thinking of someone, you tend to do things for them and it truly shows that they are a priority to you.
Pray protection over your marriage and that the enemy would not allow the children to come between you and your spouse.
Pray that God would give you a heart to completely trust Him with your children. Let go of the control that tells you you’re the only one who must do everything for your children.

How do you put your spouse first?

Intentional Marriage - Remember When

        Last week I kicked off the Intentional Marriage series by sharing about the importance of having a healthy community that supports your marriage. I also started to tell the story of my crazy dental appointment! My conversation with my dentist continued for a few hours during which he shared with me that he was recently separated from his wife – that’s why he was asking so many questions. For a moment I felt sick to my stomach, but I quickly said a prayer, asking the Holy Spirit to guide my words and give me wisdom and discernment. It was by no accident that I was in that chair that day and he had no patients after me. Our conversation perhaps did more for me than it did for him. He has 4 young children, he is about my age, some of the things he shared sounded familiar – what if this was me? We think it could never happen to us. No one gets married thinking that it will end in divorce! I was overwhelmed with emotion and this energy to fight for their marriage where they had given up. I asked him why he had married her. I asked what it was like before they had children. I challenged him to remember when they were dating. Pull out the wedding album and remember when it was all new.

        My father used to encourage people to sit down with all their home movies and photo albums before they ever make the decision to divorce. That is so wise. Simply remembering what drew us to each other in the first place can spark some old feelings. Even if our marriage is going well, taking time to remember the first time we met, first date, things that attracted us to the other – all of these things can strengthen our marriage and remind us why we chose this person to share our life with. Sometimes we can get caught up in our current struggle and frustration and we make rash decisions or say harsh words. We must take the time to look at the whole picture – past, present and future.

        Do you remember the first time you saw your husband? Do you remember your first kiss? Do you remember the first gift he ever gave you? Do you remember the first time he said, “I love you”?

        I’m reminded of communion. Luke 22:19 says, “And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them, saying, “This is my body given for you; do this in remembrance of me.” We take communion at church regularly to remember what Jesus did for us on the cross. It is the center of our faith. It is the beginning of our new life. We can easily go through life as a Christian, forgetting the power of the cross and the transformation it initiated in us. That is why we take time to weekly or monthly remember. In the same way we can go through our married life totally forgetting that young, attractive, sexy man that once caught our eye before we knew his name. We forget the butterflies and excitement of dating. We forget the plans we made and dreams we had. But we must remember those things regularly for those are the very things that started our life of glorifying God as a wife.

CHALLENGE: Take some time this week to remember when… make a list of the things you remember about your man before you were married – the things that attracted you to him – and share those over dinner one night. Pull out your wedding album or video and watch it together. As you remember the early stages of your love, ask God to continually show you new things to love about your spouse.

FLASHBACK QUESTION: How is your community?

Intentional Marriage – Community

Since I got married, and even before, I knew that marriage was hard. I witnessed 2 parents who went in and out of marital bliss (aka normal!) and because my father always said, “’divorce’ is not in my vocabulary,” they’ve always worked out their problems and issues.

But it’s not easy.

At all.

Now I know that first hand.

I think that marriage is a very powerful institution because it does not just involve two people, but it involves several generations. When a marriage suffers, many people, beyond the husband and wife, suffer too. I think that is why the enemy attacks marriages so frequently – he knows that if he can destroy a marriage, he is injuring several generations. That is why we must be intentional with our marriages.  Doing a series on marriage under the Intentional Family series has been heavy on my heart. It feels very loaded. I do not have a perfect marriage. My husband and I often talk about seeking out help, going on marriage retreats and doing whatever we can to better our marriage. So, I am not writing this series as a marriage expert! HA! Not at all! But as another wife, intentionally working on my marriage with the goal to glorify God as I serve my husband. I would love to hear your thoughts, struggles, victories… in your marriages throughout this series, so please feel free to leave comments!

Let's get started with round 1 - Community.

          As I sat in the dental chair, the new assistant and I were left alone for a moment so I asked her if she were working on becoming a hygienist. Her reply shocked me! She said that her real passion was to do hair, but it wasn’t paying the bills. So, she’s in dental school to become a hygienist part time and do hair the rest of the time! Then she added, “and I’m not planning on getting married or having kids so I’ll be able to do all this. I don’t want anyone ruining my life.” OUCH. With a lump in my throat I simply said, “oh, you like to do hair?” When the dentist came back I couldn’t get her bitter words and tone out of my head, so before the dentist put his hands in my mouth, I said, “I just have to say, don’t be bitter towards marriage. Sometimes a husband can help you achieve your dreams, not destroy them.”
          Moments later my dentist was gushing over my new wedding ring (my original one disappeared early last year and we got a replacement in November). With his head lamp shining on my ring, he couldn’t stop making comments. So I was compelled to once again make a statement! “I just have to say (I often start my mini sermons this way!), a beautiful ring doesn’t mean anything if you don’t have a good marriage.” Little did I know these 2 statements would turn into a 2 hour dental appointment / marriage counseling session!

          My dentist asked how my husband and I make marriage work and I dove right in.
The first thing I said was how important it is to surround yourself with healthy marriages and healthy friends who will point you to Jesus in a crisis and not to an attorney. We can learn so much from our friends and can be easily influenced for the better or the worse. As women, if we are spending a lot of time around women who are husband bashing, it’s easy to join in (more on this in a future post). But if we are spending time with women who respect and admire their husbands, honoring him with their words, we too start speaking well of our man! We must be intentional with the people we surround ourselves with.  I really can’t stress enough that it is vital to a marriage to have support and encouragement from other couples that are seeking to glorify God in their marriages. If we are isolated in our marriage, we can easily feel like our problems are unique to us and that we are headed for failure. But it’s amazing how when we’re in community, we find that our problems are not always unique to our marriage and we gain support and encouragement by knowing we are not alone.

We kick off our marriage by celebrating with a large community at our wedding.  But we must continue to live in community long after the ceremony is over.  Community is key. A healthy community can provide so much in our lives and especially in our marriages.  Someone to listen and pray for you.  Someone to speak the truth in love and call you out when you are not being the wife God has called you to be.  Someone to encourage you and challenge you.  Someone who has your best interest in mind and wants your marriage to succeed. 

Surround yourself with people who are for you, cheering you on, encouraging you through your marriage.

 Teams do much better when there is a strong cheering section!

CHALLENGE: In this new year, pray that God would bring at least one new couple into your life that you can learn from and be challenged by.

*I feel that it is very important to make a disclaimer that if you are in an abusive relationship of any kind, get help immediately.  I don’t believe that God has called anyone to stay in an abusive relationship.

The Great Exchange

It’s a NEW year!!

As is in my tradition, I sat at the beach yesterday and recapped the past year. I think it might be the first time in my life that looking back, I can say, 2011 is a year that I am grateful is over. In the past month I’ve heard several people say 2011 was one of their worst years, a year they couldn’t wait to end. I didn’t really understand that until I honestly reflected on this past year and mostly agree. It was almost like each month of 2011 added one more life lesson block to the tower until the tower collapsed in the 12th month. All I know now is that with blocks all over the floor, I’m looking forward to a major rebuild this year! (In the weeks to come, I will share more details of the life lesson blocks, and most importantly, the crashing down of those blocks. I am confident that it will be a source of great encouragement and challenge to you, as it has been for me.) As I sat at the beach, the beautiful words of Isaiah came to mind:

“The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion – to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. They will rebuild the ancient ruins and restore the places long devastated; they will renew the ruined cities that have been devastated for generations.”

Isaiah 61:1-4

Here’s to The Great Exchange of 2012!~

Exchanging ashes for beauty, mourning for gladness, despair for praise!

Let’s exchange devastation for restoration, renewal and a grand rebuild!

Check out What’s For Dinner on the RIGHT > it’s back!

On Monday, January 9th, the Intentional Family series will begin with Intentional Woman.

Intentional Family Traditions - Birthday Cake & Tasty Treats

Well, it’s hard to believe that Christmas is less than a week away. I always kinda dread this week – only because I know the end of the season is approaching and I don’t want it to end!!

One of the special things about the holidays is the recipes we pull out only once a year. I have to say, most of our family traditions growing up revolved around food! I want to share with you a new traditional recipe that we started just last year.

Once we had children and were hanging out with other families, we kept hearing of families that make a birthday cake for Jesus on Christmas. Can I be honest? It sounded really corny to me. I mean, who blows out the candles? Then, last year, in my girls preschool, their Christmas party was a birthday party for Jesus. I thought that was really cool for a school party! (private Christian school of course!!) And I decided that I too would make a birthday cake for Jesus on Christmas and it would be the final way to focus our hearts on the true meaning of this season as the evening comes to a close. I found the perfect recipe and couldn’t wait to make the cake. The cake came out beautifully (sadly I don’t have a photo, but I’ll get one this year!!) and as the meal ended and dessert approached, I started getting nervous. Perhaps it was because our Christmas dinner was shared by all of our extended family and neighbors. Would they think this was corny to sing Happy Birthday to Jesus with a birthday cake? Would they sing along? Would they laugh as the candles just burned since the birthday boy wasn’t there to blow them out? Ah, I was a nervous wreck. But I was committed. The cake was made; the children had been told that it was a birthday cake for Jesus; I had no choice. I disappeared into the kitchen to light the candles and decided to just go for it! The lights went out and I started to sing. Everyone, especially the children, sang along. At the end of the song, without hesitation, all the children blew out the candles and cheered. As I walked back into the kitchen to cut the cake, I had a bit of a Peter moment. Embarrassed of Jesus’ birthday? Slightly hesitant to publically celebrate this significant birthday in the same way I celebrate my own children’s birthdays? In a way, was I struggling with denying him in the same way Peter did? I was humbled. I’m so grateful that I have children that are unashamed. They don’t hold back. They don’t hesitate. Because of them, I made a birthday cake for Jesus and you know what? I will do it every year because it is the most important birthday we’ll ever celebrate and He’s worthy of a grand celebration!

Grandmother Paula’s Red Velvet Cake aka Jesus' Birthday Cake!
Ingredients
• 2 cups sugar
• 1/2 pound (2 sticks) butter, at room temperature
• 2 eggs
• 2 tablespoons cocoa powder
• 2 ounces red food coloring
• 2 1/2 cups cake flour
• 1 teaspoon salt
• 1 cup buttermilk
• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1 tablespoon vinegar

Icing:
• 1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese
• 1 stick butter, softened
• 1 cup melted marshmallows
• 1 (1-pound) box confectioners' sugar
• 1 cup shredded coconut
• 1 cup chopped pecans

Directions
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.

In a mixing bowl, cream the sugar and butter, beat until light and fluffy. Add the eggs one at a time and mix well after each addition. Mix cocoa and food coloring together and then add to sugar mixture; mix well. Sift together flour and salt. Add flour mixture to the creamed mixture alternately with buttermilk. Blend in vanilla. In a small bowl, combine baking soda and vinegar and add to mixture. Pour batter into 3 (8-inch) round greased and floured pans. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean. Remove from heat and cool completely before frosting

Icing:
Blend cream cheese and butter together in a mixing bowl. Add marshmallows and sugar and blend. Fold in coconut and nuts. Spread between layers and on top and sides of cooled cake. (I did not fold in the coconut and nuts. I sprinkled the coconut on at the end and omitted the nuts.)

Bacon Wrapped Chestnuts
Whole Water Chestnuts
Bacon
Ketchup
Mustard
Worchestershire Sauce
Brown Sugar

Another family favorite! Wrap each chestnut with bacon. Do not overlap the bacon, just wrap until it is covered. Place in a glass baking dish with the ends of the bacon on the bottom. Bake at 375 until bacon starts to brown (about 15-18 minutes). In a small dish, combine about ¼ cup brown sugar, 1 Tbsp. mustard, 1 tsp. worchestershire sauce, ¼ cup ketchup. When bacon is brown, pour some sauce on each chestnut and place back in the oven for another 5 minutes until sauce is bubbling. Take out of oven and pierce each chestnut with a toothpick and place on a serving tray. Warn your guests to let them cool slightly before popping one in their mouth!

Sweet & Hot Salami
This is so easy and delicious! Truly a must try!
Buy a stick of salami or summer sausage. Cut into thin slices, but not all the way through so that the stick of meat stays together. Combine equal parts Trader Joe’s Sweet & Hot Mustard and apricot preserves and heat on the stove while stirring. Line a loaf pan with foil and place the salami in the pan. Pour the warm mustard over the meat, making sure it is in between the slices. Bake at 350 for about ½ hour. Serve with crackers and additional sauce on the side.

The Newquist Family Ginger Cookies
I married into this recipe, and I’m so glad I did!! These cookies are divine!

¼ c. Crisco shortening
½ c. sugar
1 egg
½ c. green label molasses
Mix the first 4 ingredients and beat well

Add the following ingredients in order and beat well:
2 c. flour
½ tsp. salt
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. ginger
½ tsp. nutmeg
½ tsp. ground cloves
½ tsp. cinnamon
½ c. hot water – add this slowly until the right consistency comes about – similar to chocolate chip cookie dough.

Mixture will be smoothe – drop by teaspoon on a lightly greased cookie sheet. Bake 8 minutes at 400 degrees. (I’ve found that 6-6 ½ minutes is perfect – it depends on your oven)

While still warm, frost with the following:
1 c. powdered sugar
½ to 2 Tbs. cream or milk
½ tsp. vanilla
(I have to admit, a can of white frosting it just as good and much easier!! Not vanilla frosting, but “white” frosting!)

What fabulous holiday recipes do you make?

Check out Ashley's post that she linked up to share some of her favorite traditions!