Like Cookies In The Orthodontist's Office...

I had another Mommy Fail this morning.

The kids were all dressed up for "Tacky Tourist" day and I wanted to snap a picture.

As they gathered together, one little sister grabbed a little brother and pulled him next to her in a less than nice way.

Start the arguing and end with me putting the camera down.

"When are you going to stop this?  When is it going to end?" I asked them all, knowing there wouldn't be an appropriate answer.

"When we get to heaven I guess," the grabber answered with a snarky tone.

Hmmm, not sure if I can wait for heaven for the bickering to stop!

Then we got into the car to head to school and another round fired up.

This time it was over a lunch bag that was "touching" a child that it didn't belong to.

Start the arguing and end with me loosing it and crossing a line!

"You're really going to argue about a lunch bag that fell over and touched you?  Really?  This is nonsense.  There are real problems in the world, things worth getting upset over, but a lunch bag, really?"  And then I proceeded to list off some of the awful things happening in the world, both appropriate for small children to hear and one that was not so appropriate.

Great job Mom!

One little child said, "why did you tell us that?  now we're going to have nightmares."

Shoot!

Grabbing, bickering, now nightmares!

MOMMY FAIL

I pulled into the school, told them I was sorry and I that I loved them, and as I pulled away I felt awful.  I let my frustrations get the best of me and I crossed a line.

The whole drive home I was thinking how I need to be different.

I need to be an example to them, with great self control, who gently guides them in the right way, not scares them into it.  My time is drawing to a close with these littles - not to be dramatic, but my girls will be in middle school in a moment and then it's all down hill!  I really need to change and be the mom I want to be for them.

I got to the orthodontist office for my morning appointment and as I sat in the chair, the assistant in scrubs came over to me and said, 

"Are you ready to change over?"

I just stared at her blankly.

Did she know what I did this morning?

Did she know the line I crossed and scared my children?

Did she know that I desperately want to change over to being a more self controlled mom?

Again she asked, 

"Are you ready to change over?"

"What do you mean?" I replied.

"Your Invisalign, are you ready to change over to the new set?"

Phew!  She had no idea that I majorly failed with my kids!

But I left with that question on my heart,

"Are you ready to change over?"

I'm so ready but I don't know how.

I want to change, but where do I begin?

I'm embarrassed.

I feel unworthy.

I am just about as disgusted with myself as I am with my children's bickering!

Then I turned on my way out of the Orthodontist's office and saw this tray by the coffee maker

Why in the world are there cookies in the Orthodontist's office?

Seems like an oxymoron no?

Then I thought of God's grace.

Getting something that isn't deserved.

Kind of like cookies in a place where they work on your teeth, God's grace doesn't really make sense!

But today I'm receiving that undeserved gift of grace because I desperately need it.

And I think I kinda need a cookie after my ortho appointment too!!

Little Problems Lead To Big Problems

Do you ever think, 

"It's no big deal, it will go away."

or

"This is a minor issue, I can live with this."

or 

"Just once more, I'll stop tomorrow."

Whether it be a bad habit, a small pain in your leg, or the need to eat better and exercise - little problems eventually lead to big problems!

Right now I'm in the midst of reaping the benefits of little problems gone big!

Over 12 years ago I had a dentist tell me I should get a bite guard for my teeth that I grind at night.

My bottom teeth were barely starting to move and become unnoticeably crooked.

That was just it, it was pretty much unnoticeable!, so why should I spend the money to fix something that really didn't need fixing at the moment?!

Well, here I am, 12 years later, doing Invisalign!

(I'm sure you totally wanted to see my retainers!  I'm visual.)

A small problem that was hardly noticeable to anyone grew into a big problem where my bottom teeth became so crooked they changed my bite and I started fracturing my teeth with my hard, unaligned bite!

Now I get to relive jr. high and wear retainers 22 hours a day! 

(insert *high kick* and side ponytail)

Then a few months back my hip started to hurt and when it became almost unbearable I went to the doctor and now am in physical therapy 3 days a week.

Atrophy in a tiny muscle, one that "working out" doesn't really get to, is causing my hip to push out in a way that over time has become rather painful.

They say my butt is weak!

(insert another *high kick* but not so high, I'll pull my groin!)

 (I'm sure you totally want to see my legs.  Again, I'm visual)

3 days a week I get to go have nice men put my legs in awkward positions and tell me to "hold it there for 1 minute," while I sweat and shake.  Then I get to put on my most favorite Dolphin running shorts (no, I don't run unless being chased) and have the physical therapist rub my hip / butt and my thigh.  Luckily my PT is a female friend and I only sweat a little with awkward discomfort.

After the not-so-luxurious massage, I get to have those nice men (or young men rather - now that I'm over 40 I can say that of twenty-somethings!) put their hands down my pants and hook me up to some wires that send electrical currents through my hip / butt and wrap me in ice.

It's AWESOME!  

(forget about the *high kick* I'm too sore)

A little problem - lack of exercise and strength training - has grown into a big problem that now allows me to be embarrassed 3 times a week.

Such a great life lesson:

Problems, if not taken care of when they are little, will grow into BIG problems.

Marriage

Eating

Alcohol

Exercise

TV

And the list goes on of areas in life, that if they go unchecked and little problems creep up, before we know it, we are in deep trouble with big problems.

If there is a small, nagging area in your life today that needs some attention - do it!

Don't allow a little problem to grow into a BIG problem!

(and spare yourself the humiliation of wearing retainers while being rubbed down in Dolphin shorts and allowing strangers to hook wires up to your butt!)

My Cardboard Sign

Yesterday I sat at a stoplight after I dropped the children off at school.

There was a  man on the sidewalk with his back to me.    
He had on nice camo pants, a shirt and a ball cap.
He was bent over the bushes, looking for something.
His head was cocked to his shoulder, holding his cell phone.
For some reason, he caught my attention and I continued to watch him, hoping I'd see what he discovered in the bushes!
Then he got off the phone, slipped it into his pocket and turned around to reveal a cardboard sign that read,
"Anything will help."
My light turned green and I left.

The whole scene confused me as though I'd fallen down the rabbit hole
after eating the forbidden cake.
I was a little stunned.
"Is he homeless?"  I thought.
"How does he pay for his cell phone?"
"Where does the bill get sent to?"

Obviously I don't know this man's story.
Perhaps he has a home where he receives his cell phone bills, but he just can't make ends meet.
I have no idea, I just know that the contrast of the scene on the sidewalk puzzled me.
I thought I knew who he was by his clothes, cell phone and his intent on finding the hidden treasure in the bushes.  But then his cardboard sign totally changed what I thought I knew about this man.

When I got home I kept thinking about that man.
Things often are not as they appear.
Our cardboard sign can either reveal our truth, or perpetuate a lie.
We might behave like we have it all together, only to turn around to reveal our cardboard sign that says, "I'm dying inside, help me."
Or we might daily complain, constantly live in "if only...," feel purposeless, insignificant, only to turn around and reveal our cardboard sign that says,
"I have abundant life in Christ because I put my trust in Him."

Such sharp contrasts.
Confusing, puzzling contrasts.

I confess that I'm more like the latter sign holder.
Since the children went back to school I've been a little down and discouraged.  I thought I'd get some clear vision of my purpose now that I have some extra time, but it hasn't come yet. I've been a little bored (dare I say it) and just feeling insignificant.
But all the while, I'm holding a cardboard sign, my reality if you will, that says,

"JESUS"

Kind of like that man on the sidewalk, my sign has been hidden to passers-by.  Hidden to me.  My reality and my truth has been face down on the street while I behave in a manner that is completely contrary to my truth.

Today I'm letting go of the lie and holding fast to my cardboard sign.

I have abundant life in Christ because I put my trust in Him and He promised it to me.
I am significant.
I have purpose.

All of that because of Jesus.