Mother Daughter

 

One of the gifts we gave our girls for their 10th birthday was their first "Mother Daughter" get-away.

It was something I've dreamed about since they were born!

For over 20 years now, my mom and I have gone on Mother Daughters, aka a girls get-aways.

When I was blessed to have 2 little girls of my own, I started planning our little get aways!

My dream came true last week

 as we headed to the beautiful seaside town of Santa Barbara for a few days.

There were many lovely moments, but this one was my favorite!

I gave the girls a list of activities they could choose from to fill our time.

One girl was very excited to watch a movie in our room!

All in our jammies and ready to cuddle in bed with a movie, we were disappointed to find that we didn't get movies in our room!  Imagine that! 

 I guess they wanted us to look out the window at the ocean or something!

We ended up watching an episode of "Little House" on my phone and it was magical!

Left over pizza, tiny phone propped up on a pillow, long past bedtimes..

 I really felt like I was hanging out with my girlfriends!

 

 

I have to say, this trip came at a great time.

Honestly, life with 2 girls can be a bit rough from time to time.

Especially when they're twins.

Especially when they're 10!

And to be even more honest, these past few weeks have felt rather hopeless in the "mother of girls" category.  I get so frustrated with them and their endless arguing or bossing or talking back!

Take me now Jesus!

But this time away together felt like a breath of fresh air.

They didn't bicker or compete for my attention.

They acted like best friends.

Our time away gave me the reassurance that everything is going to be ok.

I'm going to be ok.

Sometimes it takes getting away, out of the everyday normal, to see people in a new light.

I saw 2 little girls that are not so little anymore, 2 girls that I can't wait to take away again!

Whatever Is Lovely - Think About Such Things

  

It's no secret that social media can be misleading.

As can blogs.

We post photos that look great and everyone is happy and smiling.

And to some extent, I'm ok with that.

We all know that there is more going on behind photos.

For example

endless running that led to a few days of shin splints!

thorns in our feet

itchy legs from the tall grass that I "made them stand in"

Moma falling down in the tall grass that left more than my legs itchy!

Arguing over who holds the balloons...

But I kind of look at my posted photos like life as a parent.

I know there are many tough days and attitudes and disobedient moments,

but I don't want to dwell on that or burn those moments into my brain.

Because for every rough day, there are at least 3 others that are good!

I want to focus on the good and burn those images into my brain.

Images of my kiddos laughing, throwing flowers into the air, running freely, embracing the moon.

I want those magical moments to be what comes to mind first, not all the negative.

I want the special times with my children to get me through the rough times!

I'm not in denial or trying to put up a false impression.

I simply want to focus on the good.

Philippians 4:8

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. 

Learning From the Big Boys

Something that has been a mixed bag as a parent is kiddos' team sports.

Sometimes we get a good coach, sometimes we don't.

Sometimes the kids really want to play the sport and learn, 

sometimes their parents have forced them to be there!

But one thing has remained true.

When my children have been placed on teams where they are the youngest, 

least experienced or aren't the best player, they rise.

They are called higher by those around them and they greatly improve and grow.

It's awesome to see!

Little kids mentoring other little kids without even knowing it!

This is one of those awesome years for us as my little slugger got bumped up a level in baseball and now is in the youngest and least experienced category.

Without talking about the fact that there are some amazing players on his team, he just longs to be better.  He has seen these bigger boys crack that ball and he wants to do it too!

He is pushing himself, watching, learning, trying harder.

I love it!

In life, it's so important to surround ourselves with people who call us higher.

People who are doing life smarter, better, healthier, wiser than we are.

People who live like we aspire to live.

Watch them, learn from them, listen to them, and grow.

Proverbs 13:20 tells us that the one who walks with the wise, will become wise.

If we are spending most of our time with people who simply stroke our ego, 

it's likely we are not growing.

However, if we spend more time with folks who have been in the game longer than we have and have acquired more skills and wisdom along the way, we will grow, rise and become wise.

Are you at the top of your team?

Perhaps it's time to bump up a level and learn some new things from the big boys!

Happy Friday!

Mama Bear

 Last Summer I received a card in the mail and the writing on the envelope made my heart race.

My name was written so beautifully I had to look closely to see if it were handwritten or printed by a computer!

When I opened the envelope, the card inside had similar writing, telling me my card was handwritten!

Stunning

Amazing

A lovely surprise.

"Mama Bear"

I could hardly wait to open the card and discover who it was from!

And as I read the words, written as a lovely font, tears came to my eyes.

A girls who was a college student when I was a college pastor about 15 years ago had written me this beautiful card!  And immediately the memories flooded back as I would not mistake her writing anywhere.  I always joked that she was a "font," because her printing was unreal.

Now her font-like writing was laying before me like a piece of art and the arrangement of the beautiful lettering read like a poem.

"The Mama Bear Collection is all about encouraging mothers to remember who they are - 

strong, fierce, and enough."

She went on to thank me and encourage me as a Mama Bear.

I really was left speechless.

Today, there is more information swirling around for moms than should be allowed.

It causes us to worry and panic about every tiny decision we make for our children.

It also has had an even more damaging effect as it causes us to judge, give unsolicited advise and shame other moms who aren't doing it like we are.

It's really sad to see.

It's sad to experience.

It's sad to do.

Alisha launched her stationary business last year, Gold Press Paper.

Her motto is, "Words are Powerful - You are Powerful"

So true!

Our words are very powerful.

Words have the power to give life or bring death.

All too often as moms we use our words as weapons.

How amazing would it be if we blessed one another as Mama Bears?

If we fought FOR each other and encouraged each other with our words?

If we affirmed one another's decisions and differences instead of shaming?

We'd be a mighty ferocious pack!

Bless another Mama Bear today with mighty words of encouragement!

***head over to Alisha's site to find some amazing cards to send to someone today!

Gold Press Paper

Is It Too Late?

El Nino El Schmino!

Where is our rain?

So Summer has officially hit Southern California, 90 degrees, one 64 degree day of rain, followed by another 85 degree day!  They lied to us.

In the midst of this Summer heat, I totally forgot to prune back my roses.

Usually I cut them way back to nubs in January, but I kinda forgot that it was winter!

"Shoot, I forgot to cut back the roses last month," I said to my husband.

Walking out and looking at them today I found that they're thin and spindly.  

They have already sprouted some new growth and buds at the end of gangely branches.

They look horrible.

Do I cut them back now?

Is it too late?

Did I miss the window?

I don't know, but I knew I couldn't leave them growing as they are.

They look horrible!

As I stood in the hot sun, hacking at the rose bushes, wondering if they'll come back full and nice, I thought about parenting.

We are flooded with statistics these days like, "a child has fully formed their personality by age 3." AKA, if you're kid isn't super polite and kind and compassionate by 3, you're screwed!

Or "the brain has fully formed by age 5," so if you're kid isn't reading Shakespeare, speaking 2 languages and mastering 3 instruments by 5, most likely they won't be going to college.

(these aren't actual statistics, but you know what I mean!)

Or any of the other things they tell us to make us think that we've missed the window and it's too late as parents!

I've been feeling this way a little bit lately as some ugly behavior that was never fully extinguished is now growing in a spindly, hollow, ugly way.

Is it too late?

Should I have cut that off a few years ago?

Did I miss the window as a parent to form polite, gracious children?

 As I chopped the roses, getting stuck with thorns and burned by the sun I again thought of parenting.

It is never fun to discipline a child.

It is painful and we can easily get burned.

Isn't it easier to just stay inside where it's cool and avoid the hard work?

It's too late any way, they are who they are.

But like the roses, I can't just leave them that way.

Growing wildly without boundaries or attention.

It's so unattractive.

And even if there are a few great moments of politeness, like new buds on the ends of ugly branches, they still aren't appealing.

I really believe that it's never too late to correct a child.

Discipline is done out of great, deep love.  And we all know it's never too late to love someone!

No matter how out of control we feel or overwhelmed, it's never too late.

And just like I'm confident that my hearty, stubborn roses will come back beautifully, I know that children can be trained and transformed, even past 5 years old!

So, regardless of what the books say, I'm pruning roses and kids!

Because no matter what the season is, they both need it!

(I'll post pictures in a few months to see the new, beautiful, healthy growth!)

Lower Your Expectatioans

One of the greatest pieces of parenting advice I've ever been given was - if your children are not met by a smiling Moma, then lower your expectations of them! 

That hit me hard because honestly, my children are often met by a scowling Moma! 

 I'm frustrated, shocked, disappointed... these little people can drive me nuts!

And then it hit me, my expectations of these little people are far too high.

That's why they often see me scowl.

Mostly at meal times.

Or when we're running late and "hurry" isn't in their vocabulary.

Or when I see the status of their rooms.

I expect far too much from them and I know that frustrates them.

It frustrates me.

Somewhere along the parenting path I've forgotten this little piece of advice.

 

Then this morning I read,

 

"Fathers, do not nag your children.

If you are too hard to please, they may want to stop trying."

Colossians 3: 21

OUCH

Reminded again to lower my expectations of my little ones

so they are met by a smiling Moma more than a scowling one!

Investment

The Summer Garden has started to produce!

Who knew veggies could be so much fun!

I kinda look at our Summer garden like I look at parenting.

You start with an empty space that only holds potential.

You dream, plan and start the hard work.

Getting the space ready.

Preparing the soil.

Deciding what kind of harvest you want to reap.

Then the investment.

Investment of time.

Investment of work.

Investment of money.

Investment of energy.

Investment of care and nurture.

And then you wait.

It seems like nothing is happening for awhile.

Did I do something wrong?

Did I invest too much in the wrong things?

Not enough in the right things?

Where is the evidence of all that I've invested?

And then one day,

all of a sudden,

you see a little fruit of your labor.

Some growth, even if it is small, is totally worth all the investment!

PS - anyone know a good recipe that calls for 2 green beans?!!!

Little Girls

These little girls are my greatest source of 

fond memories and joy!

And conviction!

I'm sure I've said this before, but having twins was one of the best gifts I've ever been given.

And twin girls at that! - the greatest!

2 little girls.

These little girls daily give me flash backs to when I was a little girl.

They are like me in so many ways!

When they play with their baby dolls, I remember changing my baby dolls into jammies before I went to bed, tucking them into their blanket and putting them to sleep with a kiss.

My little girls still do the same!

From swimming, ballet, writing books, drawing, dolls, dressing up, watching me put on my make-up or cook - they remind me daily of the little girl I once was and all those fun things I too once did.

It's like a magic time machine when you have kids!  They blast you back all the time.

But these little girls also bring conviction into my life daily.

They are so much like me - not just in the fun little girl ways, but also in my ugly ways.

Seeing them daily, the things that are less than kind, constantly leave me reeling in the fact that they've learned a lot of that from me.

I know that my example to them speaks louder than any words and as I dream for the women I pray they become, I am convicted that I must first be that woman.

I'm impatient.

I'm task focused which means sometimes I forget about the people involved in the task.

I scowl.

I yell.

I'm ungrateful.

Oh I know this is nothing new - as mothers and parents we see 

the good and bad of ourselves in our children.

But I do think there is something unique about a mother daughter relationship.

I don't see my junk as much in my son.  

(He gets his stuff from his daddy!  Let's just be honest!)

Children are a gift from God - a beautiful refining tool that cuts us to the deepest parts and eradicates our ugly sin so that God can be glorified and we can become more like Him as they become more like us!

They Should Be Building Forts

A few weeks ago, I looked out the window and saw this!

An awesome fort that the children built, totally on their own.

They tied our "fort sheets" to the trees, secured them with jump ropes, and proceeded to bring out all their games into the fort!

It was awesome!

I tried to snap a few pictures without them seeing me!  

They were so magical.

They were playing Headbandz!

Just kids being kids

totally creative

totally pure

totally free.

Having children makes one reflect a lot on their own childhood.

I don't know about you, but children today seem very different than when I was a child.

My children participate in far too many conversations that are really just for the adults.

 I recall that as I child, I didn't really engage adults unless they asked me a question.

My children interject their opinions and ideas in situations that are totally none of their concern.

I never told my mother how to drive or what she should be making for dinner!

They are not really sassy about it, actually, they act too much like it's normal for them to participate in most areas of my life - like the moments that aren't for them to worry about!

I don't know where they learned this.

I don't really know when it began, but I know it has to change.

Not only is it slightly annoying, but their shoulders cannot bear the many decisions 

that adults must make in one day.

They cannot process grown up concepts, nor should they.

I confess, one thing that has come to mind is that perhaps I've included them in too many decisions.

I find myself getting in a rut about cooking 3 meals a day, 7 days a week, so I've taken to sitting down with them and asking what dinners they want for the week.

Seems like no big deal right?

What's the harm in my children telling me what meals they like, right?

Well, the truth is that I'm asking them because I can't make a decision!  I'm looking for their input because I need it.

As a child, I was only asked on special occasion what I wanted for dinner.

Other than that, my mother cooked and we ate.  It wasn't a child's responsibility to plan the weekly menu!

This is just one small area, but I see how I invite them in in far too many areas that seem innocent, but when compiled all together, it's too much for little people to handle!

Asking their opinion on too many things, blurs lines and almost puts us all on the same level.

But then kids don't have the freedom to be kids.

They start to worry about stuff that shouldn't concern them at all!

When really, they should be building forts.

We've made the decision, my husband and I that is!, that we are going to consciously step up and make decisions and not include the children on so much of the process.  At least not at this age.

(my children are 4 and 7)

What do you think?

Do you experience some blurred lines and the ill-effects of it?

Cheer Them On

 This year my girls chose different activities to participate in.

One chose ballet.

 

 

 

The other chose to join the swim team!

 

It's kinda cool because I did both ballet and swim team growing up.

I get to relive my childhood through them once again!

 

She had her first swim meet last week and she was soooooo excited.

I don't know what was more exciting for her - swimming her event or

getting the Halloween pumpkin swim cap!!

 

I'll be totally honest - I'm not exactly sure what stroke she was swimming.

I think it started out as freestyle and ended up breast stroke with a touch of butterfly going on!

But we cheered and screamed at the end of the lane all the same.

 

At the end she was interviewed by the press (Daddy)

and given a piece of candy (because all races in life should end with candy!)

 

 

You've heard it said that half of life is just showing up.

Well, I'll say half of parenting is just cheering them on.

The world will shout all sorts of things at them as they grow.

Even if you don't know what stroke they're doing -

be the loudest one in the crowd of their life!

 

Happy Weekend!