Imperfect Moments

This Easter had some imperfect moments that made me laugh.

Like going to church on Easter Sunday and half way there I realize that we didn't do my son's hair - my son's chia pet, thick brisolly hair which requires a good amount of gel to control it!  

Or the Easter decorations never made it up this year 

(but St. Patrick's Day decor remained through March 31st!)  

Or family photos that just can't get to the print-worthy stage!

And those imperfect moments also made me cry.

Cry with gratitude that I'm not who I used to be.

***

I sat on the toilet in the guest bathroom, large solid wood door closed in front of me.  Just in there to do normal "bathroom" things and I saw a dark knot in the wood of the door and I was immediately overcome with a flood of memories.

"Thank you Jesus for saving me."

"Thank you Jesus for rescuing me."

The words came out of my mouth, through tears, before I could even complete or process the memories that surrounded me as I sat in that bathroom.

I walked into that bathroom on Christmas day, 2011, and begged to be taken to the hospital.  I was in the throws of a severe panic attack and literally felt like I was moments away from going blank.  One more breath and I'd just stop, fade away, blankly stare for the rest of my life.  I didn't fear dying, but rather feared loosing control of my mind and my ability to process and function.  The fear was real as the reality of loosing control was already in full throws.  

I couldn't stop the nightmare.  

No words could comfort or make sense. 

I had no control of what was happening to me.

I felt like I was chasing myself down a never ending hallway, screaming, "STOP STOP STOP."

But I didn't stop.

I couldn't stop.

***

Now 5 years later, and a different holiday of celebrating, I sat and cried as the dark knots in the wood of the door told me stories that I thought would be the final chapters of my life.

But just as death was not the final word in Jesus' life, anxiety was not the final word in mine!

The same power that rose Jesus from the dead, set me free and changed my life.

"Thank you Jesus for saving me."

"Thank you Jesus for rescuing me."

Those words were so appropriate for this Easter Sunday, for not only did Jesus rescue me from hell when I die, and save me from my past sin, but He rescues me everyday from the hell we all live in and saves me time and again from the mistakes I daily make.

I'm so grateful for imperfect moments as they kindly remind me that perfectionism is a disease of self destruction.  And they also remind me that I've been set free and am grateful for a God who is not shaken nor defeated by ANYTHING.

The True Meaning of Christmas - a guest post

As I cleaned up our play room to prepare it into a guest room for the holidays, I came across a small manuscript.  With hand drawn pictures and cursive writing to make a Moma proud, I sat down and read the 5 pages.  As tears filled my eyes, I went to the children and asked, "who wrote this?"

My sweet Georgia claimed the authorship.

"I want to have it published Mommy," she said.

Not having the first clue how to make that happen, I realized that I can be her publisher and let her publish her story on my blog!

So, it's my pleasure to welcome Georgia Mae to "Not My Own" today!

**************************************

It's that time of year again..... Christmas!

Everyone is rushing around to buy presents or get their tree. 

But that's not the reason for Christmas.

It all started with a girl name Mary.

Mary lived in a town in Galilee called Nazareth.  One day an angel named Gabriel appeared to her and said, "Greetings, you who are highly favored!  The Lord is with you.  Do not be afraid Mary; you have found favor with God.  You will give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus."

 

Mary and Joseph went to a town called Bethlehem.  There they looked for a place to stay but there was no room, so they stayed in a barn.  Mary had her baby, wrapped him in cloth and laid him in the manger.  Then she did what the Lord told her, she named him Jesus.

Jesus came down to earth to save us from our sins.  

He was born and grew up and died on the cross for us.  

Christmas is the celebration of Jesus' birth.  Jesus is our Christmas gift, he is our gift of love.

Merry Christmas

Georgia Newquist

Let Every Heart Prepare Him Room with Banana Bread

Last week I invited a group of women into my home for a 3 week study of Advent, the coming of Christ.  We all know it's easy to get overwhelmed, over-run and over committed this time of year!  So I wanted to intentionally carve out 2 hours each week until Christmas to just be still, and focus on Jesus.  Having women join me helps hold me accountable to doing this!

I dropped the children off at school and raced home to do the dishes in the sink, so it would be tidy when my guests arrived.  As I drove home the little fairy chime on my phone kept dinging, "I'm excited to see you this morning," one text read.  And then another, and then another.  I thought only one friend was going to be able to make it this first week, but the fairy chimes were telling me otherwise.  I started to panic.

"I don't have fresh flowers."

"I didn't make any food."

"The elves left powdered doughnuts for the kids this morning, I think there is some left over.  I also made cookies last night and I think there are some left over."

"I wish I would have made banana bread."

And the failing thoughts kept coming.

As I pulled into the garage, the clock was ticking and I ran into the house and started frantically throwing the kid's mess into closets.  I threw the dirty dishes into the dishwasher, and arranged a plate of left over treats on a plate.

"I need to sit down and just pray over the morning," I kept thinking, but the swirling mess around me and lack of preparation took over.

My blessing and my curse is that I often have a clear vision of what an experience is to look like in order to achieve the maximum results!

I know that walking into a home with a fire burning, candles, clean sink and de-cluttered counters as well as the smell of warm banana bread coming out of the oven will make women smile, exhale and feel at home.  I swear the Holy Spirit will move if there is banana bread in the house!

The pit in my stomach was growing,

"Why didn't I make banana bread?"

AGH!

The nag to just pray over the time before everyone arrived kept pressing into my gut, 

almost making me sick.  

"I just need to prepare the room, then I'll pray."

Then it hit me, the old Christmas carol, "Joy to the World," which sings:

"Let every heart prepare Him room."

Yes Lord!  That's what I'm doing, I'm preparing you room!  I know you'll show up if the mood is right, the house is clean and there are treats on the table.

WHAT?

I cannot prepare Him room,

He must prepare ME, so there is room!

I cannot create a perfect environment to usher in the Holy Spirit, it's ridiculous!

And I can't really prepare my heart so there is room for Him, because the very things that clutter my heart and mind are the very things that Jesus came to get rid of because I couldn't do it on my own!

I cannot prepare my heart, but instead, I must be still so that HE can prepare my heart by de-cluttering, cleaning, forgiving, lighting His light within me and allowing a lovely aroma surround me.

The irony of the morning!

I invite women over so that we can be still together and focus on Jesus, all the while, I'm focusing on preparing the room, missing the fact that only Jesus can prepare our hearts to receive Him.

Ah!

Joy to the World!

**

We met again this week and you can bet your buns that I had fresh banana bread!

Just as a delicious reminder that it isn't the banana bread and preparations that will make room for Jesus this season, it's being still and allowing Him to prepare us!

xoxox

Merry Merry

Thankful for Teachers

I'm the "party mom" for my son's first grade class and on Friday we had our Thanksgiving feast!

 

 

I had one game planned before the feast.

One game.

A little balance the pumpkin on your head relay race.

There are 15 kids.



I couldn't get those kids to listen to me to save my life!!!

I was so exhausted by the end of the feast, I came home and laid on the couch
 until it was time to go back and pick up my kiddos!

I then proceeded to go to bed at 8:30pm!



 

Teachers are magical and amazing!

I marvel at their patience and creativity.

I am in awe at their grace and organization.

I'm so thankful for brilliant teachers that love my children and

teach them with energy and enthusiasm.

*****



I'm always a little against doing anything "Christmas" before Thanksgiving,

 but this time I can't resist!

Another great teacher and lover of children is my dear friend Kristie Christie

(yes, how cool is that, she married a man with the last name "Christie!!!)

She has worked in children's ministry for over 15 years and is one of those magical people like Mr. Rogers who simply captivates children with her sweet spirit and authentic love for Jesus.

She has developed an incredible children's ministry curriculum, but has also created a wonderful family advent for this Christmas season.

Click the beautiful graphic below to go to her site and make your holiday meaningful by gathering as a family and preparing your heart for the coming of the King of King.

A 25 day family advent devotional!

Christmas Wrap Up

Haven't been blogging lately.

There is just too many fun things going on this time of year and in the evenings, when I usually blog, I've just wanted to sit by the tree, watch a Christmas movie and enjoy a hot toddy of sorts!

Tomorrow we head up north to spend Christmas with family at my parents' house,

so I thought I'd post some pics to share what we've been up to this month!

 

In sunny Southern California we don't get snow!  But our church brings in 95 tons of it each year for a Christmas extravaganza for the community. 

Nothing is better than hitting up the sledding runs a few days after when everyone is at work!

 

 

 

Auntie Becky came for a quick 24 hours to wish us some holiday cheer!

 

Then Grammie came for her traditional cookies and gingerbread house making

 

Little Dude was a shepherd at his Christmas performance!

 

The girls celebrated a Medieval Christmas with our homeschool group

 

Our friends had us for a magical Christmas Jammie Cookie Decorating Party!

 

Little Dude had his class party and made precious Mangers!

 

As I picked up the masterpiece to take it home, in slow motion it flew off the plate - I scrambled to catch it with the plate - hit the wall - crashed to the floor and shattered.

As he began to cry, I let him eat the gumdrops and all was well!

At least I got a photo of the Holy Family before I dropped them all!

 

And get out of town with these cupcakes!

Sweet Baby Jesus!

 

And we did a little beach photo shoot for our family Christmas card

 

I'll post the card next week for my final post of 2013!

5 days left to throw your list away and just sit with your friends and family and enjoy the season!



Family Christmas Party

It's one of my favorite holiday traditions, started by my girls!

The Family Christmas Party

A few years ago, my girls saw all the entertaining we do and decided they wanted in on the action!

They planned a Christmas party for just our family.

 

Saturday we had our 3rd annual Family Christmas Party and it was a blast.

 

We play games

(Zingo is awesome for all ages!)

 

 

Uno Moo is also fun for littles

 

We eat yummy foods and usually drive around to see Christmas lights, but this year they just wanted to keep playing games!

Then we got on jammies and watched Mickey's Once Upon a Christmas (another favorite)

 

 

Christmas time can get a little nutty!

 

So, it's fun in the midst of all the entertaining and holiday events, to take a whole afternoon and evening and just spend it with our family

Christmas Miracle

It's one of my favorite holiday traditions.

  

The day after Thanksgiving we go up to the Empire Mine in Grass Valley, CA.

It is the oldest, largest, richest gold mine in the West!

 

It's also one of my favorite places to take photos!

I was all excited this year because I just finished Ashley Ann's Snap Shop class and I couldn't wait

 to try out my knew knowledge of photography!

BUT, I was mortified to find out that my battery was blinking and I didn't have the charger or spare!!

There was nothing I could do.

So I tried my best to get over it and take as many as I could while the battery lasted.

And guess what?  It lasted the whole day!!!

My first Christmas Miracle!

 

 The leaves were beautiful

and so were our grandparents!

 

 Then it was time for the big moment!

 

 Getting to see Santa!

Check out my post from last year where I share the story about this incredible man!

It was our 4th year seeing Santa at the mine.

 

We stepped into the Clubhouse where Santa waited to see the children.

I think my heart skipped a beat when I saw him!

I just love Santa!

 

He asked the children what they wanted for Christmas and they shyly told him their wishes.

Then his tone got more serious and asked the children,

 "why have you been fighting so much with each other?"

(How did he know?  My second Christmas Miracle!)

 

My little sensitive boy's head dropped and his smile was gone.

"Family is the most important thing and friends may come and go, but your family is with you forever.  So you need to be nice to one another and love each other.  Don't fight."

"Ok," the children quietly said.

 When we left the clubhouse my little boy still had his head bend down and he said to me,

 "I don't think we're going to get any presents this year."

I wanted to laugh and cry at the same time!

He was so sad and so remorseful!

I assured him that Santa just wants families to love each other, and we do love each other!

 

 I mean come on, do these look like kids who fight with each other?

(Thanks Santa for the little speech, it's working like a charm!!

My third Christmas Miracle!)