The Big Four O

Well, in my absence of blogging, I turned 40!

Forty.

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It's pretty crazy.

 I realize that it's just a number, but when I turned 20, it felt cool.  Like I was now an adult! (at least in my teen aged mind!)  And then turning 30 was really cool because then I felt like a real adult!

But 40 - well, it doesn't feel so cool. 

To be honest, it has scared me.

I wasn't nervous about turning 40 beforehand, but now that I am 40, it scares me.

 

I find my self doing the math more than ever before, "when my daughters are 20, I'll be 53.  When my son turns 40, I'll be 76!"  And on it goes.

It's like I feel my life slipping away and that feeling could either propel me to be better and stronger, or drive me into depression and sorrow.

 

My husband asked me several times if I wanted a big party.  I threw a big party for his 40th and I think he felt like he should do the same.

I didn't want the big party.

I like to be on the throwing end a lot more than the receiving end!

 

I wanted to be at my childhood home with my family, and that's exactly what we did.

After a vacation in Seattle, we came home to my parents' house and celebrated with cake from a bakery (my only request was a cake from a bakery, not homemade!) and fireworks!

 

Yep, there were fireworks!

I slowed down my shutter speed to capture the sparklers in motion.  The more I slowed it down, the more I captured the beauty of the moment.

Life is flying by.  It's unavoidable.

But I have the choice daily to slow down and capture the beauty of the moment, or move through life hurried and miss out on the dancing lights that creative hands make to brighten up the world.

 

Yep, I've spent parts of my life focusing on things that don't matter.  I've been busy, preoccupied, distracted and a little too self conscience. 

 I've rushed through many seasons, only to make life even more out of focus.

In this new decade, I'm choosing to slow down and allow what's really important comes into focus as the "me" fades away.

I don't want to worry about getting older and playing the numbers game.  That only puts the focus on me and I miss out on all the life happening around me in the moment.

So here's to 40 and here's to slowing down!

As my husband keeps saying, "40 is the new 30!"

I hope he's right!