Small Steps Take You In A New Direction

Do you ever feel like you’re stuck in a rut?  There are things you want for your life, and you know how to make them happen, but you just can’t seem to move forward?  I feel like this a lot.  At my Monday class, our teacher often says, “small steps take you in a new direction.”  Isn’t that great?  I get stuck in an all or nothing mentality and it usually leaves me in the “nothing” camp.  I am adjusting to the fact that in this season of life, not much of me can be “all in.” 

I’ve stopped going to the gym because the classes I love just aren’t at times I can go.  A week ago I was convicted that I need to let go of my ideals and rigid plans and open my mind to new possibilities.  If I can’t go to the gym classes that I love, perhaps I can go and do something different.  Last night I went to the gym and got on the elliptical machine for 30 minutes.  That’s all.  And you know what I kept thinking, “small steps take you in a new direction.”  It’s wasn’t a hard core 1 hour workout, but it was what I can do now and although it was small, it moved me out of my rut!  Do you need to take a small step today?

 *I’m a little late, but check out the new recipe on the right – it’s SO good!

Make Out Monday - A Night On The Town

I'm a firm believer in marriage.  A few months ago I did a series on my blog called Intentional Marriage.  (You can check out those posts here)  Marriage can be the most difficult relationship we will ever have, and also the most rewarding.  It doesn't come easy.  It takes a lot of work.  Finding taking time to get alone together is essential for a thriving marriage.  Time away from children and sometimes time away from home can do wonders for our relationship.  The Make Out Monday challenge is to go on a date at least once a month with your spouse for some intentional time together.  Your date can be at home after the kids are in bed, get a babysitter for a night out, or ask a friend or neighbor to swap sitting with you to save a little money - however you do it doesn't matter - just do it!  If you need a little inspiration, I'm offering a theme each month to kick start some ideas!

For the month of April, the Make Out Monday challenge is

A Night On The Town.

Every once in a while it is a lot of fun for us to head into the city, wait a ridiculously long time for a table at a restaurant where there is not a child to be seen, spend a little more money than we're used to, eat some fabulous food and really feel like adults!  For us that usually means heading out of our sleepy little suburb.  Luckily we don't have to drive far to engage in a little night life and perhaps spot a celebrity or two!

We booked a sitter and headed out to Santa Monica for a fabulous dinner at a little place called

Milo & Olive  Nothing too fancy, but casual, homey, divine culinary creations!  We had their famous Garlic Knot which we decided parted the clouds and descended upon us from heaven. We also ordered the House made Sausage & Grits, Hazelnut Beet Salad, and Burrata Pizza - all of which were gifts from God!

The mere energy in the room was invigorating.  We didn't get seated until about 8:30pm (when is the last time I ate dinner that late?!) and enjoyed people watching and catching up with some old friends.

After dinner, we headed to another little quaint place for dessert - truly making this

A Night On The Town!  (Shouldn't we be in bed by 9pm?) 

Sweet Lady Jane offers sweet treats that promise a night of sweet dreams!

Although we could barely keep our eyes open on the drive home! it was well worth it.  We had a marvelous time being "grown-ups" and enjoying something different from our normal evenings.

Now it's your turn!  Plan a fun Night On The Town date for you and your loved one - you've got the whole month to make it happen.

If you want to share the details of your fun date, leave a comment here.

The Simple Life

"STOP trying to work things out before their times have come.  Accept the limitations of living one day at a time.  When something comes to your attention, ask Me whether or not it is a part of today's agenda.  If it isn't, release it into My care and go on about today's duties.  When you follow this practice, there will be a beautiful simplicity about your life: a time for everything, and everything in its time.

A life lived close to Me is not complicated or cluttered.  When your focus is on My Presence, many things that once troubled you lose their power over you.  Though the world around you is messy and confusing, remember that I have overcome the world.  I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have Peace."

Jesus Calling

A simple morning of Hot Wheels with my son was on the agenda the other day.

I didn't clutter up my time with doing laundry in between races, dishes after track changes, or phone calls while it was his turn.  We just sat and played and it was so fulfilling. 

Why don't I do that more often?

Happy Weekend!

I'll see you Monday for another Make Out Monday date night challenge for the month of April!

Embrace Little Photographers

I didn't get a post up yesterday...

blame it on Downton Abbey!

We just can't stop watching it!

What will I do when it's over?



A New Life - Lock-In

I was working in Seattle when Roger asked me to marry him.  He was working and living in Sacramento at the time, so obviously someone was going to have to quit their job when we got married so we could live in the same state!  In the first few months of our engagement, this decision caused a lot of stress and arguments.  My boss said, “You’re going to continue to lock-up until you lock-in.”  (Feel free to use that quote, it’s a good one!)  He was so right.  Until we locked into our decision that I would quit my job and move back to California, we locked horns several times over this issue.

 This same quote came up in one of my initial therapy sessions.  Along with seeing a therapist for my anxiety disorder, I was pursuing an allergist to see if perhaps I have some food allergies that are contributing to my digestive discomforts.  One day my therapist said that he wasn’t sure if I had fully embraced that I have an anxiety disorder.  He affirmed my desire to consider additional contributing factors to my discomfort, but was rather confident that I hadn’t yet fully owned this new reality in my life.  He insinuated that until I fully owned an anxiety disorder, I would not be able to move on.  I would continue to lock-up until I locked-in!

 I got in my car and said out loud, “I have an anxiety disorder.”  I went home and told my husband that I have an anxiety disorder and I’m fully embracing it.  The following week in my session I told my therapist that I’ve put on hold pursuing other doctors for a few months and I’m completely owning this anxiety disorder.  He gave me a high 5!

 I guess they say admitting you have a problem is the first step – it’s kinda true!  Once I owned this anxiety disorder and stopped trying to find something else to blame for my discomfort and panic attacks, I felt a huge sense of relief and freedom.  You can’t really tackle the problem until you name it completely.  There are so many areas of my life that I try to explain away or find excuses to justify my feelings or behavior, but that just takes me in circles.  But once I lock-in to the truth, I’m set free.

 I’m locked-in, I have an anxiety disorder.  When I start to get a stomach ache or feel sick, I am not looking to what I ate as an explanation.  I call it what it is, stare it in the face, and get over it.

 The enemy loves to distort the truth.  He loves to send us on a wild goose chase that keeps us looking everywhere except the truth.  He is crafty.  He is deceptive.  He knows our weakness and makes it his goal to keep us confounded and distracted so that we never really find strength and freedom over our weaknesses.  But it is amazing how quickly his power fades when we call things as they are, lock-in to the truth, and find freedom.

One Hunny

Do you see this beautiful piece of equipment?

It has provided hours of entertainment for my family.

At Christmas my husband and I hosted a Christmas Cocktail Party and invited our guests to bring a white elephant gift to exchange.  The morning of the party I didn't have a white elephant gift and on my way home from the market I stopped at a garage sale and saw this beauty calling my name! 

$5 for the Blueman Group Keyboard.

Was it so wrong that I stole the gift back during the exchange?

That's up for debate!  But I think not since it never really was "mine."

(If you wave your hands over those PVC pipe looking things at the top, it plays different percussion instruments!  AWESOME!  It's a Hunny of a toy!)

 The music it plays on DEMO is funky techno greatness and always prompts a dance party!

Last night we cranked it up loud because there was reason to celebrate...

this little blog hit 100 followers!  One Hunny!

This blogging world is still crazy to me and I don't fully understand it, but I'm honored that people read my little blog and whereas I'd still write it if only my mom and dad followed it!  It's nice to know that others are enjoying it too!!

Have a great weekend and we'll see you back here Monday for another A New Life post

Embrace the Family Photos

We did it!

We finally did our first family photoshoot and it was a success!

Everyone had a great time.

And we got some really great pictures.

I think I got a little addicted, we might be doing this every Saturday!



What Happened?

This morning my son was playing magically with his buddy.  They were on the floor, completely enveloped in the little world of their cars!  I just love when they play so purely. 

I just left my son’s room after an epic 58 minute tantrum when I was trying to put him to bed.  He was so hysterical, he couldn’t catch his breath, but he would not back down.  He screamed, kicked, threw himself on the ground… it was a disaster.

 What happened to my precious little man who was happy and smiling with his cars this morning? 

As I sat on his bed and he screamed, I had a brief flash of my life as a follower of Jesus.  One moment I can be so intimate with Jesus that I hear His voice and feel His presence.  Then a moment later I can have horrible thoughts or be tempted or drift to such a far away place.  What happened?  I was just living according to the Spirit, now I’m living according to my flesh.

My son’s behavior was completely unacceptable.  It was outrageous.  It was more than upsetting.  Somehow I saw a piece of myself in his rage and I was convicted.

 “Those who live according to the sinful nature have their minds set on what that nature desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.”

Romans 8:5

A New Life - Heal Me

Remember when my family got ravaged by the stomach flu?  It was dreadful.  I was spared, for one week, then I got it too.  As I was laying in bed horribly sick, I couldn’t stop praying that God would heal me, and heal me quickly.  I felt so physically horrible and after the past several months of feeling sick with anxiety, I didn’t need the stomach flu on top of it.

 At one point, I got down on my knees and began crying, asking God to take away the sickness.  I just couldn’t take it anymore.  In that moment a question came to my mind, “why are you praying for healing?”  Aside from the obvious reason, I didn’t know!  I guess none of us like to feel discomfort, especially extreme discomfort that comes with the stomach flu, so why wouldn’t we pray to be healed quickly?  But that question sat with me for a bit and I was reminded of Laura Story’s song, Blessings.  I posted it here regarding my miscarriage.  I was struck by that song that my life isn’t about eliminating all pain and seeking my pleasure.  My life is about Jesus and bringing him glory.  Sometimes He is glorified through our pain and suffering.  Not a comfortable topic to approach in a world that strives for comfort, pleasure and happiness at all cost.

 As I was down on my knees, God brought to mind my desperate plea for healing over my anxiety disorder.  In the past several months I’ve prayed that God would restore me to my “old life” where I felt freedom and wasn’t afraid of anything.  I just want to be healed and I want my life back!  But in the midst of the stomach flu, down on the floor, I felt like God told me to stop praying for healing over my anxiety.  It would be through this very thing that God would be glorified in me.  It would be through my struggle with anxiety that God would refine me, grow me, prune me, and bring me to a place of intimacy with Him that I’ve never experienced before.  Don’t pray for quick healing – you’ll miss out on the amazing work of My hand in your life, and even more, you’ll miss out on the blessings that are waiting on the other side of this if you don’t go through it.

 It’s no coincidence that I’ve been doing a study of the book of John this year.  If you’ve never read the book of John in it’s entirety, please sit down and do so – it will transform your life!  We’ve recently studied two instances where Jesus healed people.  In chapter 9 Jesus came to a blind man and the disciples began asking was it his sin or his parent’s sin that made the man blind.  Jesus replied “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.”  When I read this I had immediate peace that God was going to do a great work in me through my anxiety and it would be for His glory.  Of course Jesus heals this man and the one once born blind now can see.

 In John 11 Jesus does the most miraculous thing, he raises Lazarus from the dead.

¹ Now a man named Lazarus was sick. He was from Bethany, the village of Mary and her sister Martha. ² (This Mary, whose brother Lazarus now lay sick, was the same one who poured perfume on the Lord and wiped his feet with her hair.) ³ So the sisters sent word to Jesus, “Lord, the one you love is sick.”

⁴ When he heard this, Jesus said, “This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”

What is amazing is that once Jesus hears of Lazarus being sick, he waits 2 more days before he starts to travel to him.  Once Jesus arrives, Lazarus has been dead for about 4 days!  Jesus could have simply spoken healing, like he did to the official about his sick son in chapter 4, and he could have been healed without Jesus even going to him.  But there was a reason why Jesus did not heal Lazarus immediately.  “It is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”

 I know that God has the power to completely heal me from my anxiety disorder forever, and trust me, I’d love that!  But for now, I’m letting go of my desperate plea for healing and welcoming this anxiety as the very tool of God to make me who He wants me to be for His glory.

St. Patty's

It's the magical weekend when the luck of the Irish strikes and the mischievous leprechauns come and turn everything green!  We look forward to the yummy foods that St. Patrick's Day brings and today I'm sharing again some of my favorites!  
Many of these I've shared before and you can find them all at What's For Dinner
- search "St. Patrick's Day."

The famous corned beef and cabbage will be served tomorrow night.
Here are some things that will go along with it:

Hot Mustard
Ingredients:
1/2 Cup Dry Mustard (or one 2 oz. can of Coleman's)
1 Cup Sugar
2/3 Cup Vinegar
3 Eggs

Directions: In a sauce pan whisk together the dry ingredients until well blended. In a separate bowl mix the eggs and vinegar thoroughly. Add the liquid to the mustard mixture and whisk until completely blended (no lumps). Slowly cook over low heat for about 10 minutes, stirring constantly with a wooden spoon. Remove from heat as soon as it starts to boil. Cook slowly so eggs do not overcook. Once thickened, transfer to a glass bowl to cool. Serve warm or cold.Keeps in refrigerator for about a month.

Irish Beer Bread
3 c. self rising flour
½ c. sugar
1 12 oz. bottle of Irish beer

Mix (it will be sticky) and put in a buttered loaf pan. Bake at 350 for about 50 min – remove and slather with tons of butter and return to the oven for another 5 minutes. It’s sooooo yummy! (I think in the Summer time it would make the best strawberry shortcake!)

New Additions this year:

Leek & Cheddar Dip
From Everyday Food
Saute 1 leek, white and light green parts only, sliced into half moons and rinsed well, in 1 Tbsp. of butter until tender and caramelized; about 12 minutes.
Transfer to a mixing bowl and add 2 c. grated cheddar cheese, 8 oz. room temp. Neufchatel cheese, 1/4 c. mayonnaise and 2 Tbsp. stout, such as Guinness.  Mix until smooth.  Transfer to a baking dish and bake at 400 until browned and bubbly - about 20 minutes.  Serve with pumpernickel toasts or crackers (we'll serve ours with Trader Joe's pumpernickel pretzels)

Irish Buck Cocktails
From Everyday Food
Fill a glass with ice.  Add 2 ounces Irish Wiskey, 1 Tbsp. fresh lime juice, and 3 ounces of ginger ale.  Stir and garnish with a lime wedge.

But I"m still looking for a great dessert recipe to put theses cute toppers on!
 What do you recommend?

Thanks for the Free Printables

Tom Kat Studio!

Happy St. Patrick's Day!!

Embrace 2 Tired Momas

Grammie is here for the week helping out since my husband is out of town for 3 weeks.

Once the kiddos go to bed, we're 2 tired Momas!

I told my mom to make a crazy face

She said, "why are we trying to look bad?"

I said, "because we already do!"

I love her to pieces!

I'm the luckiest girl in the world to have such an amazing Moma!

Profound Truths of Pop Tarts

My husband came home the other day beaming... he bought Pop Tarts and couldn't wait to introduce them to our kids!  (From my post on Monday, you can imagine that this was a bit difficult for me!  But I myself wanted one so badly, I was excited to have the box in our house!!)

He giddily threw a couple in the toaster (I prefer mine untoasted) and couldn't wait to take them out and serve them up.  He explained how special these magical "pastry" rectangles were and how they are a right of passage for kids. 

After his sweet speech, he broke the Tarts, much like Jesus breaking the bread at the last supper, and handed them out.

Here was the reaction after the first bite!

No one liked them!  We tried to convince them to try again - who doesn't like Pop Tarts?  But it was a fail.

Slightly disappointed, we quickly recovered when we realized that that meant a whole box for us!

I guess the Pop Tarts reminded me of profound truth - Everyone is Different!

And with that, I ate my delicious frosted strawberry Pop Tart.

Happy Wednesday!

A New Life - Giving Back The Children

“Lord, I pray for Emmie. She is yours Lord and…”

“REALLY?”

“All my children belong to you Lord, they are yours…”

“REALLY? They used to be.”

As I drove in the car and had this conversation with the Lord, He was gracious and kind to gently point out to me something so powerful that is destructive bondage in my life. Holding tightly to my children. I was raised by a mother who often said that we belonged to God, not to her. When my babies were in the NICU for 4 weeks after they were born, I constantly was comforted by the fact that God loved them more than I did and they ultimately belonged to Him, so He would take care of them. The sheer overwhelming fact of having a newborn baby, times two!, often thrust me to my knees, laying those babies down at the feet of Jesus and handing them over. But somewhere, over the past 2-3 years, I’ve taken those babies back into my arms and have begun to hold them very tightly.

I have felt an overwhelming sense of responsibility for my children’s well being and health and it has gotten to the point where I am completely consumed by their sleep schedule and what they eat. I quickly realized in the car how my mind is constantly bound to the clock and how I can schedule my day so that my son naps at 1pm, the children eat at 5pm and they are all in bed at 7pm – and I mean literally. I know how important sleep is to little people and I know how they get run down and sick if they don’t get their sleep, not to mention their attitudes. I start to stress out if it’s 7:05pm and they are not in bed yet. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I’m being honest. I have become completely consumed by their schedule and keeping it exact at all costs. This has been a huge source of stress and anxiety in my life. I didn’t know that until this moment in the car.

I feel the same weight of responsibility for what my children eat. Another area in my life that has become chains that keep me stressed and filled with anxiety. I feel that children are not old enough to make wise choices with their food and it’s my responsibility as their mother, and the person who buys the food and cooks, to give them the best possible nutrition that I can. Seems normal right? Every good mom does that! But for me it has become obsessive and another thing that dominates my mind. I freaked out the first time my mother watched my children and took them to McDonalds. Now let me make a quick disclaimer – I eat at Mc Donalds every now and again and I have a horrible sweet tooth, but I justify it by saying that I am an adult and if I choose to make bad choices, I’m old enough to do so. (Foolish, I know) I don’t think children are old enough or wise enough to choose their foods on a daily basis… but Mc Donalds here and there is not going to kill them.

I know in my heart of hearts that going to bed a half hour late or having less than nutritious snacks are not going to kill my children or make them sick. I know that. But I can’t shut off my mind from racing about these things and the guilt that comes with late nights or junk food for the kids. But God showed me that I am way too controlling over my children in these areas and I need to let go. I need to have a complete change of thinking and just relax about my littles and find freedom in doing the best that I can, but not being consumed in an unhealthy way about their sleep and what they eat.  I also have been known to make harsh comments to my husband if he puts the children to bed late or takes them to dinner at a place I don't approve of.  Rather than being grateful for a husband who gives me a break and cares for the children, I'm consumed by what they ate and when they were in bed.  It's like a sickness.

Anxiety is a lot about control. If I cannot control something, I get anxious. God showed me that a large source of my anxiety comes from trying to control my children. Thank you God for loving me enough to kindly point this out to me and convict me. Thank you for loving me enough that you want true freedom for me and an abundant life. Thank you for breaking the chains that have shackled me to a lie – I do not control my children! They are not mine, they are yours. I give them back.

Last week I took my kids to Mc Donalds. My husband is out of town, I didn’t have any food in the house, and I let them choose. “Let’s go to Old Mac Donald’s Mommy.” I said ok and took them without an ounce of guilt. I felt complete freedom as we sat and ate the best French fries in the world!  And I felt much better knowing that we all were consuming "Fancy Ketchup," - it must be good for us if it's fancy!

My strict adherence to a schedule and diet cannot create happy, healthy children. It’s only created a stressed out, guilt laced mother and we all know what happens when Moma isn’t happy! No one is happy! As a mother of 3 little children and a follower of Jesus, I’ll do my best and be wise with raising my children, but my only strict adherence will be to Jesus and His word.

*I want to thank so many of you for your e-mails, facebook messages and comments about this series about my anxiety disorder.  I have been so encouraged by your words and your prayers. 

I'm Letting Go

It's no secret that my children are not big fans of having their pictures takes... especially by me!  Sadly, it is one of my favorite things and perhaps a bit of an obsession!

Remember my post yesterday?

God really spoke to me in that moment on the beach.

I need to let go of my obsession with things being perfect, especially my children in photos.

I confess that I have a massive dream for a whole set of fabulous family photos taken by a professional.

My babies are almost 6 years old and my son is 3... so far no professional photos have been taken.

Until now! 

(Not these that you're seeing of course!)

We're going tomorrow for our first every family photo shoot with a real photographer.

I've spent weeks shopping for great outfits that will compliment each other but not be to matchy matchy.

I've researched locations.

I booked the photographer.

Yesterday I tried on their outfits and asked for a few pictures to see how everything would look...

The clothes don't fit that well.

Their shoes hurt.

And no one wanted me taking any pictures.

I fear that tomorrow might be a disaster!

But you know what?

I don't care.

I'm letting go.

As long as my precious family is in the photos, they'll be perfect.

(baggy clothes, bare feet, fake smiles, eyes half closed and all!!)

Have a great weekend and let go and have some fun!