Like Cookies In The Orthodontist's Office...

I had another Mommy Fail this morning.

The kids were all dressed up for "Tacky Tourist" day and I wanted to snap a picture.

As they gathered together, one little sister grabbed a little brother and pulled him next to her in a less than nice way.

Start the arguing and end with me putting the camera down.

"When are you going to stop this?  When is it going to end?" I asked them all, knowing there wouldn't be an appropriate answer.

"When we get to heaven I guess," the grabber answered with a snarky tone.

Hmmm, not sure if I can wait for heaven for the bickering to stop!

Then we got into the car to head to school and another round fired up.

This time it was over a lunch bag that was "touching" a child that it didn't belong to.

Start the arguing and end with me loosing it and crossing a line!

"You're really going to argue about a lunch bag that fell over and touched you?  Really?  This is nonsense.  There are real problems in the world, things worth getting upset over, but a lunch bag, really?"  And then I proceeded to list off some of the awful things happening in the world, both appropriate for small children to hear and one that was not so appropriate.

Great job Mom!

One little child said, "why did you tell us that?  now we're going to have nightmares."

Shoot!

Grabbing, bickering, now nightmares!

MOMMY FAIL

I pulled into the school, told them I was sorry and I that I loved them, and as I pulled away I felt awful.  I let my frustrations get the best of me and I crossed a line.

The whole drive home I was thinking how I need to be different.

I need to be an example to them, with great self control, who gently guides them in the right way, not scares them into it.  My time is drawing to a close with these littles - not to be dramatic, but my girls will be in middle school in a moment and then it's all down hill!  I really need to change and be the mom I want to be for them.

I got to the orthodontist office for my morning appointment and as I sat in the chair, the assistant in scrubs came over to me and said, 

"Are you ready to change over?"

I just stared at her blankly.

Did she know what I did this morning?

Did she know the line I crossed and scared my children?

Did she know that I desperately want to change over to being a more self controlled mom?

Again she asked, 

"Are you ready to change over?"

"What do you mean?" I replied.

"Your Invisalign, are you ready to change over to the new set?"

Phew!  She had no idea that I majorly failed with my kids!

But I left with that question on my heart,

"Are you ready to change over?"

I'm so ready but I don't know how.

I want to change, but where do I begin?

I'm embarrassed.

I feel unworthy.

I am just about as disgusted with myself as I am with my children's bickering!

Then I turned on my way out of the Orthodontist's office and saw this tray by the coffee maker

Why in the world are there cookies in the Orthodontist's office?

Seems like an oxymoron no?

Then I thought of God's grace.

Getting something that isn't deserved.

Kind of like cookies in a place where they work on your teeth, God's grace doesn't really make sense!

But today I'm receiving that undeserved gift of grace because I desperately need it.

And I think I kinda need a cookie after my ortho appointment too!!