Not My Own

Back to Reality

If you have children and you’ve never gone away without them, I highly recommend it! Not because there is some kind of magical bliss that comes from being “kid-free” as if life with them is a burden. But a good amount of time away from them allows a mother to process all the changes that have occurred in her with this life change. It allows you to rediscover yourself, apart from the children, because there is still a very important person with needs, likes, dislikes, talents and value that all exist apart from the role of mother.

As I was in Seattle this past week I had the privilege of being the speaker for a college retreat. I used to minister to college students prior to being married and this was truly my passion. As I flew up there I was a bit nervous because it’s been a long time since I’ve spoken to college students and I feared that I’d “lost the edge!” To my surprise, the opposite happened.

After I spoke on Friday night, I went back to my cabin on a bit of a high. It felt good to once again use my gift of speaking and teaching. I didn’t expect my heart to race as I got up on stage and definitely didn’t expect to fall in love once more with college ministry. I had a rush of emotions that ranged from intense gratitude to God for giving me this opportunity to use my gifts - to intense guilt about having such a deep love for something that has nothing to do with my husband or children. Instead of choosing to indulge in this love affair of college ministry and the fear for what that would or wouldn’t look like once I came back home, I decided to be grateful for the moment. Thankful that I was having this opportunity to feel significant in a larger context than my immediate family and offer something that I know God has gifted me to do.

In this season of life most of my energy is devoted to caring for my young children and making sure their lives are pointing in the right direction. That doesn’t require my gifts that I am passionate about, but I’m passionate about them, so I’ve found new gifts – like making it out the door with all three kids on time 95% of the time!!! Yet I was reminded this past weekend that I do have other things to offer and in the right season, those gifts will be used.

If we’re not tapping into our true talents and gifts right now, God has not forgotten us. Farmers know that some seasons they need to let the ground lie fallow and plant nothing. That way the soil can regain nutrients so that in the right time, when seeds are sown again, those fields will reap an abundant harvest.